See You Again
by Mrs.Robward
Summary: An Edward and Bella love story written with just a few words. Their lives are busy with college, family, and work, but true love trumps all...Doesn't it?   **COMPLETE**
1. Chapter 1, Hopeful

**Original or Derivative (fanfiction): **DERIVATIVE

**Rating/Warning(s)/Note(s): **M, some chapters maybe T, but I'm going to say Adults Only to be safe. Unbeta'd - always. This is a first for me.

**Disclaimer: **All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization. This goes for the ENTIRE FIC!

**Prompt: **_**Multimedia Share **__: _Chronicle, hopeful, beginning

* * *

It's all about change.

Leaving there.

Arriving here.

Tears exchanged for smiles. Loneliness left behind for hope.

My short life has been nothing to be joyful of.

I'm a shell of a girl. One with a heart that beats, but does not feel. A soul that exists, but never soars.

An empty life.

A girl that wants and wants and wants and never receives.

My dreams are big, my wishes are bigger.

It's possible. Anything's possible. I just have to go after it.

But my dreams and wishes are nothing compared to my fears.

But that's what has brought me here.

I'm finally venturing out to live on my own, conquer my fears, chase my dreams.

College.

Apartment.

Boyfriend.

Job.

No, no - not just a job, a profession.

Those, not in any particular order.

Just... dreams.

Attainable dreams.

Aspirations.

One breath, one blink, one move, one step at a time, I'll get there.

Where ever there is - my destination, the one that's written in the stars. I'll find it.

Then I'll claim it and all that's been empty will be filled.

No longer will I be a barren spirit, a vacant being, a lifeless girl.

I'll be... everything. Everything I've ever dreamed.

_Hopefully._

_**Once you choose hope, anything's possible. ~Christopher Reeve**_

* * *

_**A/N: **__Hey ya'll._

_I have a __major __case of massive writers block so I'm going to try my hand and this prompt thing to __**hopefully **__shake me out of it. I'm warning you now, I really have no idea what I'm doing, so if I don't promise you anything, you wont be disappointed in me right? Really, I. Am. Clueless. And I am always game for __suggestions..._


	2. Chapter 2, Countdown

**Word Prompt: **Countdown

**Scenario: **The time is counting down to the New Year. Confetti twirls around you. Your champagne glass is full, your best friend is making out with some guy you don't know, and you're alone tonight. As the countdown reaches ten seconds, someone catches your eye. He or she makes his or her way through the crowded room. Nine... Eight...

* * *

I sip at the bubbly tart drink in my cup and crinkle my nose. The paper hat Rosalie tried to get me wear now litters the floor. I scan the room for her.

I see her blond hair bouncing to the music as she tears that dance floor up. I watch her and it makes me grin.

_At least she's having fun._

The large guy she's dancing with pulls her flush to him. Her arms tighten around his neck and I see her long fingernails disappear into his curly hair. I look away.

In envy, I guess.

Reminders, reminders, reminders.

My damn conscience is like a pestering bratty sister, one that's constantly throwing it up in my face that I'm not living up to my end of the deal. I haven't done one single thing for myself. No dates, no fun trips, no shopping sprees.

Nothing.

My wishes and dreams are still just that.

Dreams and wishes.

I reason with myself that at least I'm here. At this party. Granted, it's New Year's Eve and Rosalie said it was sacrilegious to NOT party on New Years Eve.

So here I am. Waiting for the ball to drop in about fifteen minutes. I'm drinking champagne. I'm swaying to the music that's too loud and vibrating through my bones. I'm sitting at the bar by myself.

And I've never felt more alone.

I can only think that the new year brings forth resolutions, promises.

I can always try again. _Next year. _I laugh to myself. _I'm not going back to school 'til next year. I'm not calling my Mom 'til next year. I bet I won't even have sex until next year. I won't …_

The roar of the countdown breaks me from my internal monologue.

_Ten..._

I check out my surroundings. It's just my luck that some nasty creeper will slide up next to me as we get closer to one and wanna kiss me.

_Nine..._

I almost fall off the bar stool when out of the corner of my eye, I see a very young girl make her way through the crowd.

_Eight..._

Her long brown hair looks familiar. I reach up and touch my own. _Strange_. I want to find her. She doesn't belong here. What if she's lost?

_Seven..._

She rounds the corner towards the hall where the bathrooms are. I follow. I turn back quickly and see Rosalie still all up on that guy's junk. She won't even notice I'm gone.

_Six..._

"Hey!" I call out for her - the girl. She practically running and doesn't even slow down. I think she's in her nightgown? I feel ...nervous. Scared even. And I still think this shit is weird.

_Five..._

_Four..._

For some reason, I find that I'm fighting back tears, the salty taste lingers on the back of throat. "Wait." It's all I can choke out.

_Three...  
_

She opens a door that leads outside. I'm anxious because I'm not going to get to her before she runs out into the night. I suddenly feel more lost than I ever have. Her hands are on the long bar that releases the door. She stops and looks at me. Her eyes. The sadness. It's like...

_Two..._

It's like looking into a mirror. All the air leaves my lungs in a whoosh and she runs through the now open door. I want to tell her to stop and wait for me. I want to hug her and tell her it will be all right. I run through the open door and it leads to a small balcony.

_One. _HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I hear the noise of the celebration muted behind me as the door closes. I look around the confined space. She's gone. _Impossible_.

My steps are slow as I reach the bars that encircle the ledge. _There's nowhere for her to go?_

"You okay?"

I jump. I didn't even notice there was anyone else out here. Only that she... wasn't.

I nod my head and wipe the tears off my face. "Yeah."

"You sure?"

No, I'm not sure. But I don't know what to think. She. That girl. She just vanished. And now, now I'm alone on this balcony with this ... this stranger.

_What a way to start the new year._

I slink down to the cool concrete, my back resting against the banisters.

He kneels down in front of me. "You don't look okay." He reaches out and touches my knee. He's so close, I smell the cigarette smoke on his breath. And his cologne.

I look right at him, our eyes now on the same level.

He's beautiful.

The moon reflects in his green eyes.

Breathtaking.

I don't know what to say.

But I like the warmth from his hand on my knee and I like the warmth from his eyes looking at me and I just... like.

"I'm Bella." I try to smile.

"I'm Edward." He sits down beside me, removing his hand.

I stare at my knee, it feels cold. But he's still close enough.

For now.

* * *

**A/N: **Like I said, I'm not sure what I'm doing. No outline. Just following the prompts. Think of the girl as her conscious...sorta.


	3. Chapter 3, Fireworks

**Word Prompt: **Exalt

**Audio-Visual Challenge-Imagined Image: **Picture linked on profile.

* * *

Edward and I sit in silence. The party's in full swing inside, but here, on this small balcony, it's quiet and peaceful.

I want to look at him, see if I can decipher the emotion that's written all over his face.

I wonder if he thinks he can do the same with me.

But I don't look his way, and I don't think he looks mine.

A loud boom sounds behind us and we both quickly glance to the sky.

The fireworks have started. The sky is lit up with a rainbow of colors. One following the other. The smoke sometimes left behind from the ones before, then illuminated, and then gone.

I finally look at Edward and he's watching me. We both stand to turn and watch the show.

I love the fireworks. They take me back to simpler times.

My childhood. Long before I ever knew the world was so harsh and cold.

Back to when I felt loved and cared for.

Inside I feel such conflicting emotions. It almost seems like too much. I can't be happy because I'm sad, but I'm not really that sad because I am happy. But one is not more than the other. They are at wits with each other in my soul.

Edward nudges me with his elbow. I look down to his open hand. A shiny penny sparkles from the ever changing glow in the sky. He leans toward me to speak in my ear, "A penny for your thoughts."

He's close again.

I'm conflicted. All I know of him is his name, in all honesty - he's still a stranger. But I want to tell him everything that's crammed in my heart. All the sad, the happy, the lonely, and the hope.

As our eyes meet, a tear escapes and tickles down my cheek.

I quickly look away and swipe my face. "It's nothing. These," I point to the heavens and the falling burning embers. "They remind me of my Dad. I miss him."

"That's something," he answers me simply. "Tell me about it."

I grip the smooth iron tightly, it's keeping me anchored for now. "We used to go to the river every year to watch the fireworks. We'd sit side by side on the dock, the water everywhere around us. The way the water reflected the sky, it was like magic. I could never decide if I wanted to watch the sky or the surface of the water."

I always thought it was the perfect way to exalt the beauty of nature, praise it, magnify it. Force people to lose their breath as they marvel at the sky. Not willing to look away. Cautious to even blink. Sing to the gods with their 'oohs and ahhs.'

I can't help it, I begin to smile and the weight inside me shifts slightly. It's a little less heavy.

"Every time, Dad would begin to talk to me all about about fireworks. And how they weren't first made for entertainment, they were invented by the Chinese to scare away evil." I pronounce each word in my best deep voice to impersonate my father.

It makes Edward grin and THAT rivals the beauty of the sky animated with random sparks.

Now I can't decide which one of those I want to see more of.

I continue to tell him all about my Dad and his never-ending supply of useless knowledge.

Edward asks where he is now and I look to the sky again.

"Oh. Sorry." His voice is just barely above a whisper.

"Yeah. Thanks. It's... it's okay." I nod and I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince him or myself.

"Do you need to get back?" He uses his thumb to point to the door.

"No. Do you?" I don't want to leave.

"Probably, but I don't give a shit." He shrugs.

I hide my smile as I bite my bottom lip. I really didn't want him to leave either.

"You go to school here?" He's smoking again. The fireworks are over. The hum of the party inside isn't quite so loud anymore. For a second I wonder if Rosalie has left me or not.

"Yeah, I'm a freshman. You?" I want him to be.

He shakes his head, "Nah, just visiting."

A million questions flow through my mind. I want to ask for more, but I don't.

But why isn't he offering me anymore information about himself?

I suddenly feel anxious. I have to ask him...him something. "How long are you in town for?"

"A week at the most."

A little bit of hope rises to the surface.

It's a new year after all.

It's time for me to begin working on those resolutions.

_That feeling isn't fear, it's just telling you to MOVE. ~Rancid_

* * *

**A/N**: I need to give a special thank you to Kuntrygal, MadamThang, & Rochelle Allison for their help & encouragement with this wit fit stuff! Thanks ladies!


	4. Chapter 4, Laughs

**Word Prompt: **Laugh

**Dialogue Flex: **_"Did you do this?" he asked_.

* * *

This time of year, the late night is unusually warm for Atlanta.

Our time on the balcony mostly passed by in silence.

I didn't mind.

A few times other people stumbled out to join us, only to turn and leave as quickly as they came.

The couple that didn't stop kissing as they fell out the door. No doubt looking for a little privacy.

The old man holding himself and apologizing as he swore under his breath and mumbled about finding a bathroom.

The girls who were so drunk they could barely stand upright.

They all made us laugh.

I felt relaxed and carefree.

It'd been too long since I felt that way.

"Edward?" A short woman stuck her head out the door.

"Yeah." His face fell and I noticed a visible change in his stance. He was more rigid, not so casual anymore.

My eyes dance between the two and my stomach knots. I never thought to ask if he's taken. I didn't even think to look for a ring.

I fake a smile as she approaches.

"There you are." Her hand slides around to circle his arm, "Who's this?"

My cheeks ache. Faking a smile is hard work.

"This is Bella," His voice is soft again. Almost soothing. I wonder if I'll get to hear much more of it.

"Bella, hello." She looks up at Edward and he's looking at me. Now her eyes are the ones dancing, watching Edward watching me.

She huffs, "It's nice to meet you. I'm Alice Whitlock. Edward's sister."

Now my smile is real.

Relief doesn't even begin to describe it.

"Hey." I extend my hand to hers.

"We have to go. Jazz already left. Are you ready?" Alice shuffles on her feet.

Edward's looking out at the night. Not at me, not at her. My palms begin to sweat as I get nervous. I'm not sure what's next. What do I say?

"Do you need a ride?" Edward had moved closer and I didn't even notice. I was lost inside my worry again.

"I'm not sure. I need to see if my roommate has left yet." Rosalie never gives it up so I'm doubtful that she left with her dancing buddy, but it doesn't stop me from silently praying that she has made an exception.

They follow me as I look around for her and I don't see her anywhere. Would it be wrong to pump my fist?

**...~{sYa}~...**

The light is bright as it fills my bedroom. I glance at the clock. I've only been in the bed about three hours.

But I feel good. Bubbly. Excited.

I turn up my iTunes. I can't help but dance as I move around the room and tidy up.

I made a mess last night.

I feel as though I'm fourteen again.

It's so exhilarating.

"Hmmm." Someone clears their throat.

I jump and see Edward standing in my doorway. He's watching me again. And smiling.

I panic. I'm still in my sleep shirt.

I see Rosalie peek out from behind his shoulder and raise her eyebrows. _That little shit_. She could have least gave me a heads up.

I gesture for him to hang on. I turn down my music and tug at the edge of my shirt wishing it were longer.

I pick up yesterday's sweat pants that are at the top of my dirty clothes pile and slip them on.

I turn back around. Edward's now in my room. His fingers are ghosting over the picture.

"Did you do this?" he asks.

I step to stand beside him. "Yes. Last night after you two dropped me off. I couldn't... I wasn't sleepy."

"It's good." His fingers still touching it. "Beautiful," he says it like he means it.

His voice is so... gentle.

I glance at the picture. I wonder if he knows why the greens in the sky are so much brighter than all the other colors.

"Last night huh?" He leans in to look closer.

"Yeah, I was... inspired." I recall how as soon as I stepped in my room last night, my fingers twitched at the blank canvas propped in the corner.

The unopened box of chalks beside it practically sang to me.

I hadn't been inspired in such a long time.

Maybe it was the fireworks, and maybe it was Edward. Maybe even both.

The picture was of last night's sky and the horizon and how I remember the fireworks used to glide along the water all those years ago.

"You're early," I tease him, all though I find it quite all right.

Perfect even.

"I..um-," he seems unsure, "I though you might wanna get some breakfast?"

"I'd love to." The words fall so effortlessly. "Can you give me a minute to get ready?"

He nods and stares at the picture some more. I notice his fingers are now stained from touching the chalk dust.

Just like mine.

* * *

**A/N**: So I guess you noticed that I am using just one story line. I know some ladies don't.


	5. Chapter 5, Pearls of Wisdom

**Word Prompt: **Longing

**Plot Generator—Phrase Catch: **"Pearls of wisdom." Repeat the phrase to yourself five times, open a blank document and begin.

* * *

The restaurant is packed.

In the deep south, The Waffle House is the best post-hangover-too-early-on-New-Years-Day-morning-ouch-my-head's-pounding-and-I'm-nauseated place to eat.

Edward probably doesn't know this.

We stand in the doorway, contemplating.

One large burly man stands to leave.

Edward and I both shuffle to stand over his empty seat at the end of the bar while the waitress cleans around it.

The bench seat is too small for two, but quite large for just one.

I shrug and sit down, scooting as close to the wall as I can. I pat the seat for him to join me.

It's a tight squeeze.

But I'm not complaining.

The whole right side of my body is touching the whole left side of his; shoulders, elbows, waists, hips, thighs, knees, feet.

It's distracting.

I fiddle with the menu knowing already what I'm going to order.

I have to take deep breaths, otherwise I may melt.

His body is so hot, like temperature wise, he's like a friggin' heater.

Once again, no complaints from me.

I'm always cold.

He turns to ask what I'm ordering.

God, now it's his minty-fresh breath tickling across my cheek. I'm in sensory overload and all we are attempting to do is eat breakfast.

Jeez.

I want to fan myself.

"Waffles. It's the only thing..." I have to take a deep breath again. "They have good waffles."

He flips the menu over. "I think I want to try the legendary hash browns, smothered-covered-chunked-diced and peppered." He raises his eyebrows at me in question.

"Ew," I shiver.

"No? You don't like them?" He looks insulted.

I laugh, "No. I don't like my food... to all touch... like that." I try not to shiver again.

He leans back and rubs his belly, "Mmmm."

And just like that, the sexual tension I imagined between us fizzles out and is replaced with friendly banter.

**...~{sYa}~...**

We are done with breakfast. I still have a full cup of coffee to drink and he's sipping on his orange juice.

His elbows resting on the table.

We've been making fun of the staff and the other patrons. He says he's stuck in Deliverance Country and he's waiting for a banjo to start strumming anytime.

He can't believe so many people around us are missing their front teeth.

My sides hurt from laughing so much.

But it has taken my mind off all the other things, like his long fingers as they twirl the empty straw wrapper. How he licks his lips after each bite. Oh his pouty lips...

"Tell me more about your dad." He leans over, his elbow grazing my boob.

I feel it getting hot in here again. "Wha...what do you wanna know?"

I want to tell him.

"Anything. Everything," he suggests.

I suddenly find my coffee cup very interesting. I refuse to look him in the eye.

There's a lot of intensity there.

So much that I have to watch out, I don't want to get lost just yet.

"Um, I already told you he was a man of many words. So many words that now I wished I would have wrote some of them down."

"Like what?" His voice is smooth again, so calming and rich.

I look up for just a peek at him.

Through the rapid beating of Edward's close proximity, my heart still swells thinking about my father.

"He used to say these random things to me, he called them his pearls of wisdom. He said that pearls and wisdom both take a long time to develop and that they both seem like such small objects but they're both very valuable."

I dig deep in the caverns of my memory, searching...

"It was like he always had an answer, even to questions I hadn't asked yet. Or he – he always had a suggestion or some kind of advice. For example, if I complained that it always was storming outside, he'd suggest that I should learn to dance in the rain."

With my finger, I trace the rim of the smooth porcelain on my coffee cup.

"He told me that music is what feelings sound like. And that letting go doesn't mean giving up, it means accepting that some things weren't meant to be. Or that sometimes we expect more from others because we'd be willing to do that much for them."

I smile and try to keep the tears at bay.

"And I know most of the words weren't really his. But he still knew them and he knew the right time to say them. And when I think back..." I close my eyes. "When I hear his voice echo in my heart, sometimes, those words, they finally click together for me. I ...I get it."

I open my eyes and give it a go as I try and wade through the depths of that intensity dyed in green.

"What's another one?" Edward's voice is nothing more than a whisper.

"Never forget that on any given day, you could step out one single door, and your whole life could change forever."

* * *

**A/N:** I admit I googled 'pearls of wisdom' and all the quotes, they are not mine (but as some of you I FRIGGIN LOVE QUOTES!). The longing, well, it's implied, but I shouldn't have to tell you that huh?


	6. Chapter 6, Heart

**Rating/Warning(s)/Note(s):** Unbeta'd - always. _**It's Edward peeps & time jumps back a bit.**_

**Word Prompt: **Heart

**Scenario:** An ethereal being shows itself to you and offers to help you fulfill your number one resolution for the New Year. As you try to decide what you want to change about yourself the most, you realize it's not the future you want to change; it's the past.

* * *

The bed in Alice's spare room is fluffy and there are about ten pillows too many covering the pillow that I actually need to sleep on.

I look around and wonder if it's acceptable to just throw them in the floor, or is there a special place all these lil' fuckers go? Who needs this many 'decorative pillows' anyway?

_Girls._

I decide to just pile them up in chair.

I lie down and I feel my body sink into the mattress. I can tell by the smell that Alice has just washed the covers.

She remembered. It makes me smile.

All those little things. She never forgets.

I'm not sure why I'm in Atlanta. I've been keeping in touch with Alice and Jasper through emails and a phone call here and there, but I never visit.

This morning I just woke up, and the thought was there. _I'm going to Atlanta._

I almost dropped my cell after Alice screamed when I called her from Chicago to tell her I was coming. She started raving on and on about the big party on New Year's Eve that we were going to have to go to and part of me wanted to turn around and go back to the hotel.

But I didn't.

I turn over onto my stomach and take a deep breath. My eyelids quickly become too heavy to hold open and sleep doesn't take long to find me.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

I roll over and look at the clock. Two hours.

Ah, the life of an insomniac. I guess two hours is good. I would of liked to have had at least four, but my prescription for Ambien ran out months ago.

I get dressed in yesterdays clothes, slip on a baseball hat, and sneak out the front door for a walk and a smoke.

I don't know how they stand to live in a place like this. The houses are all very nice, up scale, but the subdivision is crowded. On the exterior all the houses look the same. Tall wooden fences divide the yards.

I walk for what has to have been an hour.

The temperature is cool, not cold. The clouds are few. The moon is almost full, dimming the glow of the stars and lighting my path.

I see a basketball court and a small playground ahead. I hear the sound of a basketball bouncing off the concrete.

Looks like I'm not the only one who can't sleep.

I see a boy, probably fourteen or so shooting the ball.

"Wanna play?" He holds up the ball.

I shrug. _Why the hell not_. "Sure." I throw my pack of cigarettes down and turn my hat backwards on my head.

We play in silence for a few minutes. Neither one of us very good at making the shots.

"So, got any big plans for tomorrow night?" he asks.

He isn't even out of breath, yet I'm beginning to curse the cancer sticks as my breath seems harder to come by.

"Whatever my sister wants to do. I'm just visiting." I'm trying to talk and breathe and dribble at the same time, but I sound like I'm eighty instead of twenty-two.

"Where you from?" He makes a quick twist to the left and steals the ball away from me. He's fast.

I try and guard him from making his way to the basket, "Nowhere special. I just travel a lot."

He raises his eyebrows and then runs past me as if I was standing still. He jumps up and dunks the ball.

_Damn, where did that come from?_

"Doesn't that get lonely?" he asks as I take the ball out of bounds.

His questions are getting too personal. I throw the ball to him with a little more force than necessary. "Maybe," but, without regard, I find myself answering him with a little bit of honesty.

"What about new year's resolutions? You got any of those?" He's shorter than me, but he guards like he's straight out of the NBA.

"Come on kid, just play." I'm not so sure I want to talk anymore.

"Just making small talk my friend."

Alright, if that's what he wants to do. "What about you? What are your resolutions?" I bank the ball of the rim. I still haven't scored a basket.

"I want to help someone with their resolution. It's what I do. That, and more often I want to show my family I love them and that I'm thinking of them."

He steps outside the three point line and lets the ball go. You can hear the net swoosh and the ball falls through.

_Show off._

I rebound it and tuck it under my arm. "Really? What kid your age has resolutions like that? Shouldn't you be thinking about winning state championships at school. Or girls, what about girls?"

I blink and he steals the ball out from underneath my arm. He dribbles twice and then leaps. It's like he's walking on air. His head level with the rim. Then with a swing of his arm, he slams the ball through the hoop.

I give up.

I pick up my smokes and find a bench nearby to sit on.

He grabs the ball and follows me. He puts the ball between his legs and sits on it on the ground.

"So, now, tell me yours." He's serious.

"I haven't really thought about it." I lie. It's all I think about it – the new year and what it will bring for me.

Change or not.

"Come on dude. You can think of one thing at least."

I close my eyes and lean my head back. Where would I start? What would be at the top of my list? Finding a place to stay for more than a couple weeks? Reconnecting with my adoptive parents? Having a steady girlfriend? Letting myself feel anytime of emotion without running like the wind? Finally forgiving my mother?

Nah.

"Really man. I don't know." I look at him, his eyes are pleading with me. The air around us stirs. It's eerie.

"What if I offered to help you fulfill your number one resolution for the New Year. What would it be?"

He still hasn't looked away from me. And I find that somewhere in my head, as crazy as it sounds, I believe he thinks he could help me.

"Think about it," he glances down to his watch, "we got the rest of the night."

I laugh because I mean, come on, is this punk serious? What can he do? Help me with my jump shot?

We sit there in silence. A few more people walk past, not paying us any attention.

And without even wanting to, I begin to think about it.

I think about why I am the way I am?

It all falls back on her. When I sought her out and she broke my heart, my life crumbled. Now I isolate myself just to not have to ever bind myself to anything. I live the rambling life of solitude to not have to feel anything.

If I could change anything, it wouldn't be what was to come, it would be what has already happened. I would have never went on that journey to find her. The what-ifs would be easier to handle then the realities.

Then I wouldn't be so selfish. I wouldn't be so lost and alone. My view on the world wouldn't be so fucked up. I wouldn't have to live by my own rules.

I might actually be happy.

But life's a cruel bitch and things have happened.

I am this way.

The past is not going to change.

I look up and he's still looking at me.

"See, I knew you'd think of something, Edward."

_How does he know my name?_

"See, all you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. To right now. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Different. Better. Right now. And tomorrow. And the next day and then the next. It **can** get better. You just have to choose it."

He stands to leave and begins bouncing his ball on the ground. He still seems so sure of everything.

I'm envious.

"And hey man, don't forget that on any given day, someone could step out of a door, and your whole life could change forever."

I look down at my feet. His words, they make me uncomfortable.

It's like he's tinkering with my soul and adjusting my heart, making it want to flutter and fly. And feel.

Making me want to feel more alive.

That's dangerous.

Suddenly the sound of the bouncing is gone.

I look around and he's... gone.

I'm alone.

Again.

Then a light breeze blows, my hair tickles my neck and all is still once more.

* * *

**A/N:** OMG! This one was hard!


	7. Chapter 7, Chronology

**Word Prompt**: Chronology

**Audio-Visual Challenge—Musical Mastery***: "Imagine" by John Lennon. Linked on profile.

* * *

_"Never forget that on any given day, you could step out one single door, and your whole life could change forever."_

Edward slowly sits his cup on the table. His face is pale, like he just saw a ghost.

"What is it?" I'm nervous again.

"Uh. I... I just recently heard that. You just, you just took me off guard is all." I watch the Adam's apple tediously bob in his throat.

"Really?" I whisper it. My voice lost somewhere in irony.

"Yeah." He turns to look at me and my heart stutters. His eyes look so sad.

And lost.

I want him to talk to me. I want him to open up and maybe we can just help each other.

Everyone needs someone.

Right?

"You wanna leave?" I realize this crowded, loud restaurant may not be the best place for us to talk.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

We head downtown toward Centennial Park, of course I'm leading the way, but at least he's close beside me.

My hands are tucked in my jacket, his are buried in the pocket of his jeans. My steps are quicker than his. I can barely keep up with his long legs, even when he slows down.

"So tell me about it." I try and initiate the conversation.

"Tell you what?"

The silence between us wasn't bad, it just was ...silent. I am still hoping for that part where he spills his guts to me.

"Whatever you need to."

We walk more, soon finding an empty bench at the perimeter of the park.

I take in the scene around us. The joggers with their music on concealing the noise of the world. The dogs and their owners finding happiness in mundane things. Lovers cuddling together, two souls becoming one.

Then there's Edward and I. Two people with some sort of connection that hasn't quite connected yet.

Edward shifts to turn on the seat toward me. "Tell me what you think about the world Bella."

His voice is pleading and broken.

I want to be his glue.

"What do you mean?" I angle myself toward him.

Now we have our own cocoon to rest in.

"Why do things happen? Is it fate? Is it destiny? Is it just coincidence?"

Those are more than just questions.

"Gosh Edward, I'm... young. I'm inexperienced and I don't know much about the world. But I'd like to think that everything happens for a purpose. Good or bad. That there is this sequential order of events that have to take place before the next thing can happen. Does that make sense?"

He barely nods.

"Why?" I have to ask.

"Because," he hesitates, "I'm not really sure why I'm here." He looks around before letting his eyes settle on me. "It's like there was this outside force making decisions for me – something was drawing me here. I, I don't like it."

I nod because I know what he means. I really do.

"If I don't have control of my decisions Bella, what do I have control of?"

I don't let his doubt linger between us for long.

"Everything," I answer.

Then I take his hand in mine.

He looks at our joined hands.

He smiles.

A big smile.

Suddenly, the sun is brighter, warmer.

And his eyes, they are warm too. And not so lost anymore.

Maybe this is what it's like to finally find your destiny.

* * *

"_We plan our lives according to a dream that came to us in our childhood, and we find that life alters our plans. And yet, at the end, from a rare height, we also see that our dream was our fate. It's just that providence had other ideas as to how we would get there. Destiny plans a different route, or turns the dream around, as if it were a riddle, and fulfills the dream in ways we couldn't have expected." ~Ben Okri_


	8. Chapter 8, Dawn

**Word Prompt**: Dawn

**Dialogue Flex**: _"It's a new beginning," he said_.

* * *

The hours with Edward fly by with no regard to my wish they slow down.

Or stop completely.

We talk so easily. It's everything and it's simple. He doesn't ask me anymore questions about the why the world is the way it is.

I'm thankful, but I do wonder what my Dad would say about it. I'm sure he had an answer.

Instead, I squeeze Edward's hand still in mine. It's been there all day. The night is creeping in on us and we are still sitting on this bench. Our cocoon has kept us safe. Our conversation kept us busy.

"I should call Alice to come and get us." He pulls a cell phone out of his back pocket but he still doesn't let go of my hand.

Arrangements are made, we have to take Marta to the Highpoint Station and meet his sister there.

I go because there isn't anywhere else I'd rather be.

There is more silence between us, but this time, it feels different, almost like the minutes before a build up and reveal of something bigger. Better.

On the train, we sit close again. I feel content. Happy.

Our hands still entwined, he brings my palm up to his chest. Our fingers uncurl.

I watch as he studies my fingers, my knuckles, my fingernails. It's like they hold some sort of puzzle piece.

Or maybe an answer.

"What happened to your father?" He doesn't look away from my hand. It's still being examined like a long lost artifact.

"He was killed in a car accident four years ago. Someone took one too many of their prescription pills. Feel asleep at the wheel. Hit my dad head on. His truck flipped. He was alive until they released his seat belt. Then he died within seconds."

The truth is easy to tell, but it burns deep down in my soul. The nightmare is real.

"I...wh—why?" he asks.

My hand is now covered by his and being held close to his heart. I want my cheek there.

"Why did he die?" I clarify.

I nod because I ask myself that every day. "The seat belt was holding him together. Then...just sh –shock they say. He was just gone." My voice fades.

I close my eyes and rest my head on the hard plastic seat.

Four years doesn't make it easier. That day my world became colder and darker and I miss him still.

I feel heat on my fingers. I look at Edward. His lips are puckered and pressing against my knuckles.

My eyes burn with tears as emotions swirl inside me.

I feel so much.

But his touch, I long for more of it.

It helps make my world not so cold and not so dark anymore.

**...~{sYa}~...**

Soon after we finish eating supper with Alice and her husband Jasper, Edward and I are left alone. They ask if we want to watch a movie and Edward quickly dismisses the invitation.

Alice has been watching him with rapt attention. All I can figure is that his behavior must be out of character.

I admit, in the short time I've known him, I've even noticed a small change in him myself. Whatever burdens he's been carrying, they seem to be a little lighter.

His eyes are a little brighter.

And the faint wrinkles on his face from his smile, I wish to count them daily.

He leads me out the back door, our hands still interlaced. Fingers weaved together. Arms spiraled. Bodies paralleled. Hearts trying to synch. Souls still getting acquainted.

He relaxes on a wooden lounge chair, scooting all the way back. He pats the space in between his legs for me to sit.

I don't know if I should rejoice or dance. I want to do both.

But I don't hide my smile. That's all his.

His open lap is warm and inviting. His chest is lean and strong. His arms wrap around me and hold me tight and I wonder if I'm dreaming.

I feel his breath atop my head.

Time may be slowing down for us, or maybe it's warping by. I really don't care either way.

"Bella, I have to be honest with you." His voice is quiet again and there isn't much promise there.

"Please do." He may not realize it, but I'm begging.

"There is so much you don't know about me. Most of it I'm not proud of it. I hide behind my past. I've been letting it cripple me."

I swallow hard, my hope is swelling in my throat. This could go either way.

"But," his grip tightens, "I feel something with you I've never felt before. It scares me to death. But at the same time, I can't quit smiling. I feel... excited. I'm not sure what to do or how to handle it."

I turn my head to the side, my cheek finding rest against his chest. Exactly where I wanted it to be.

"I feel it to. Like we are meant to be somehow. And I know that its only been twenty four hours, but.."

I'm not sure what else to say. To the ear, it sounds crazy, unnatural, impossible. But to my heart, there has never been anything more righteous.

His cold nose moves to rest above my ear.

I sigh at the feeling of his breath warming my skin.

"I think I'm right on the edge of falling..." His words are practically a song. I want him to sing it to me again and again.

"Edward, I'm not afraid to fall if it means for once I'll get to fly."

This is what those resolutions are all about.

We sit there wrapped up in each other, the evening cold kept at bay.

The night soon gives way to the dawn. The stars fade to rest their light.

I imagine fate and destiny and dreams and wishes all dancing arm in arm in the clouds. When everything aligns and for once something is right, they celebrate their victory.

"I'm not sure what the future brings, but I think this is some sort of beginning don't you Bella?"

"Most definitely."

* * *

_"Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand." ~ Emily Kimbrough_


	9. Chapter 9, First

**Word Prompt**: First

**Plot Generator—Idea Completion**: Today we will accomplish...

* * *

I emerge from the bathroom after my shower with towel dried hair and comfy clothes on. He's asleep in my bed. He's on top of the covers and snuggling my pillow.

In his relaxed state, he looks so innocent and child-like.

I crawl in beside him, careful to not rouse the tired. He snores just a little.

I love it.

I recall last night. Him and I wasting the dark hours doing nothing more but holding onto each other. The dawn greeted us and our bodies were stiff and uncomfortable. No doubt from us sitting in one place for too long.

How strange it is for me to fall so fast for him. He's my beautiful, mysterious, sad boy.

I reach up to touch him. His hair soft and unruly, a tad longer on top that it is on the sides. His ears are perfect examples of ears, just begging for my whispers.

I follow the edges of his jaw. I want to flatten my palm and let his sandpaper skin polish the worry right off me.

His flesh is warm. Everywhere I touch, I feel the heat he emits.

My fingers drift down his neck, touching the sprinkled mole here and there. A game of connect the dots would be fun - enjoyable. For us both.

His collar bone, hidden by his shirt, is prominent. The skin dipping and diving to cover it, creating notches and gaps. Places for my fingers, my tongue, my touch.

I stop over his heart, the steady beat thrumming against my hand. The organ that gives him life, the one I hope that returns my feelings.

I don't even have to wonder. I know Edward is my first love. I don't think of our tomorrow's or our next week's. I can only let my mind go to the right here's, the right now's. The minutes and hours I know I have with him, they give me joy.

I've never really had a desire to conduct my life around other people's schedule but now I think about what I want instead of everything else.

I want Edward. I want his tomorrow's and his next week's. I want his to be mine, and mine to be his. It's simple really. I think he wants the same, but we have millions of details to discuss. Information to share. Promises to make.

I know my plans may have to change and it a way, it's scary as hell, but I don't mind it. I don't have to know the path of the future to enjoy today.

He stretches and his hand traps mine that's lying over his heart. Fingers laced together, filling the spaces of the other. Isn't that what they are there for?

I still and he drifts back to dreamland, a small grin playing on his lips.

I want to kiss him.

No, he needs to wake up and kiss me. More than the small peck he's already blessed me with. I want his mouth on mine for hours. Tongues dancing, and loving and promising. Lips touching, and wetting and caressing.

More of him.

Today is the first day of our tomorrow's.

We get to begin again today.

I want to know him more. I want to understand his why's and how's. I want to know his plans and his dreams. His past and his future.

That's what today is for.

And tomorrow.

* * *

A/N: I named this fic after a certain song, but if I told you which song, you'd know too much.


	10. Chapter 10, Genesis

.

**Word Prompt: **Genesis

* * *

**~Edward, (this happens parallel to Bella in the last chapter)**

I plop down on her bed, she's in the shower. I listen and I hear the water dripping off her body.

It excites me in more ways than one.

Last night we were up all night on Alice's deck, just watching the night sky. Sometimes we talked, sometimes we didn't.

I've never felt anything like this before, there is a bond, one that I can't explain between us. I'm not sure that I want to explain it, but undeniably – it's there.

I wrap my arms around her pillow and inhale.

Intoxicating and relaxing.

Bella makes me feel alive, but I've realized even more than that, is that she makes me feel normal. I don't feel like some punk-ass kid that was abandoned by his mother. I don't feel lost or alone. I don't feel like an outcast. I'm allowed to just be Edward and she likes me for that alone.

I wasn't lying when I told her I was right on the edge of falling for her. It is what it is. I know I'm falling – my heart becoming more her's with each passing minute of the day, and I'm not fighting it. I have no desire to NOT love her.

Our circumstances are not at all ideal, my time here in Atlanta is limited. But maybe there'll be a way. And if there's not, if this is all we have – it's worth it. I'll take it, and treasure it and let it give me hope for a better tomorrow.

I won't allow my thoughts to drift about hurting myself, or breaking her heart. Or having to ever walk away from her.

I awaken to her hand laced with mine over my heart. I hope she feels it race from her touch. The beat it produces is conducted by her and her alone.

She moans and stretches.

I moan in return. Lying beside her on the bed, her body merely inches from mine, it's the best possible torture there is. I know in due time, I'll know her body like I know my own. Her sounds will be my commander. Her movements, my guide. I'll learn her body from the inside out.

Her lashes flutter open. She smiles.

"Hi." I squeeze her hand.

"Hi." She licks her lips.

I stop myself from moaning again.

"Did you enjoy your nap?" Her voice is raspy.

I nod and I figure I need to talk before I give in to my wants. I want her so fucking bad. Hours, it will take hours to get my fill.

Soon.

"Do you know the story of the genesis of love, Bella? The myth of how it all began?" I ask.

Her smiles grows and she cuddles up as close as she can to still be able to see my face.

"Once upon a time, human beings were quite different; there were three sexes, and every creature had two sets of arms and legs, two faces…but we never knew love. We were already complete, needing nothing. But our strength and defiance frightened the gods, and Zeus sent down scissor-sharp bolts of lightning that split us in half, and we all carry the scar & reminder of that separation –possibly our bellybutton. Then to complete our punishment, we were scattered geographically from our other halves, and now, we experience the pain that cuts a straight line down through the heart – it's called love. They say that it's a sad story how we became lonely two legged creatures, but it teaches us one thing: that we all are only one half of a completed self, that we require someone else to complete us, and we will remain lonely and searching all our days if we don't find that other half. Not just that, but that there is only _one _person on the earth who can properly complete us."

Her eyes hold un-shed tears.

"Soul mates," she whispers.

I move my free hand to cup her cheek. "Soul mates," I agree.

"I think I found mine." Her eyes are wide and one lone tear meets my hand.

"Me too." I answer, and confess, and refrain from jumping up and singing it from the rooftop, "Finally."

* * *

"_There is some kiss we want with our whole lives, the touch of spirit on the body. _

_Sea water begs the pearl to break its shell._

_And the lily, how passionately it needs some wild darling!_

_At night, I open the window and ask the moon to come and press its face against mine._

_Breathe into me. _

_Close the language-door and open the love-window._

_The moon won't use the door." – Rumi_


	11. Chapter 11, Preserve

**Word Prompt**: Preserve

**Scenario:** You are seated in your art room, with all your materials and mediums set up before you. What do you create?

* * *

He's talking soul mates and I'm agreeing with him with wild enthusiasm. It's almost other-worldly, the thought that we're destined to be together.

He stirs the longing of wanting to be loved that's been brewing in my heart since when I was a child and I watched Cinderella for the first time.

I'll never forget how magical I thought love must be and how that one day, I would lose myself in it.

That day has arrived.

One hand is on my cheek, his other is still holding mine over his heart.

We're lying facing each other, our breaths mingling as one. His space is my space, it's ours.

My eyelids tickle as the tears threaten to spill.

We just spoke words into feelings, ones that the moved the heart and the mind cared not to question. Words like soulmates were only challenged by others that were still seeking, still wandering, still alone.

These feelings, they're life changing. It's crossing over the ocean and knowing you'll never set foot on that shore again.

And you're happy anyway.

His eyes are all over me; watching, observing, absorbing.

Then he speaks and I want to close my eyes and dream, then I'll choose to never wake up and I'll be right here – forever, with him.

"And you know what else, Bella? You waste lifetimes searching for your other half, and when you're finally reunited, you'll spend lifetimes together, never to be apart again. Eternities even."

_I can only hope._

All I know is that I can't contain what I feel, so I move closer.

Our noses touch, our breath speeds. I use my free hand to trace his jaw. The want inside me grows, I feel it everywhere. It's dominating.

This love, this lust, this desire - it's uncontainable.

Our lips touch. Slow and sweet. Savoring. Moves are gentle, like a cautious fawn. Calculated. Holding back.

It's wanting so much that you're scared you just might get it all, and when you do, you won't be able to handle it.

Slowly it's building, moving slightly quicker. Tongues are teasing, daring the other for more.

Then it's freeing. I give it all I got, and he takes and gives in return.

I taste him. I lick his lips, his teeth, his tongue.

I don't think I'm thinking anymore, it's just passion taking over. Human animalism, the instinct you're born with, the one God placed within you. Carnality.

The love is seeping out of my pores.

It's so much, it's everything.

He's over me, pressing down on me. His kiss is fire, his touch is magma.

I hope we never stop.

But too soon we need to breathe. The brain needs oxygen. No lie, his kiss is almost worth dying for.

My fingers are now in his hair, rooted to him.

He's holding himself up with one arm, the other is curled around my neck, fingers teasing my ear.

We're both panting. Our kiss escalated so fast, it broke the sound barrier.

He pushes up, hovering over me.

Now that his lips are away, I feel him. He's hard against my soft. It's the promise of what's to come.

I can't help it, my hips rock into him. Once. Twice. His breath makes a hastily exit from his lungs.

We both like it and want more.

"Bella! You're mom's on the phone!"

He rolls off me as Rosalie beats on my door.

"Tell her I'll call her back," I yell through my disappointment.

We giggle. Then laugh and soon after, I snort. Who the hell knows what's funny.

I sit up and my eyes dart over to the corner. I know what I want to do.

I grab my large sketch book and my tray of pencils and bring them over to the bed.

He's smiling, his cheeks are red, and his hair's a mess. His arms are folded behind his head, it's all I can do to not jump him again.

"Can I draw you?" My voice sounds funny, like I'm still out of breath.

"Of course. How do you want me?"

I raise my eyebrows as many a position flirt though my thoughts. So tempting.

"Sit up." I get up on my knees at the end of the bed. He follows my command.

"Now, take off your shirt."

He smiles. It's wicked and naughty. He's thinking the same thing I am.

Then he slowly unbuttons his shirt. Our eyes are locked. The want is still all over me. Thankfully, this picture shouldn't take me long.

He's shirtless. And beautiful, and I'm not sure that anything man-made can replicate his majesty.

I focus on his chest.

The pencil draws.

The lines crossing and curling.

Next is his shoulder and neck and the meeting of the two.

I have to remove myself, think of it as art and not as sex.

It's not easy.

His jaw, I shade. I remember. I desire to touch it again.

I smile as I color, he's still eying me and smiling in return.

"Why are you drawing me?" His voice is barely above a whisper.

"Preserving," I answer, "Somethings I never want to forget."

* * *

A/N: I always wanted to write a kiss like that. I love when you review & tell me your favorite parts! !


	12. Chapter 12, Unused

**Word Prompt**: Unused [I always look up the definition and the synonyms so this one is = (unaccustomed, unfamiliar)]

* * *

I scribble and blend. Erase and redraw.

"Can I see it?" He grins and raises up to look at the paper.

"Sure," I shrug.

I hand him the pad, he briefly looks it over and then places it down on the bed. "Come here." He's reaching for me and I go willingly.

I straddle his lap, knees on each side. Chests close, legs overlapping, hearts reaching.

His hands are tentative as they raise to touch me. Then he's feeling my face - first my forehead, down my cheeks, across my nose, over my eyebrows, down my hairline, stopping on my lips.

His touch is slow and firm. My lips spread slightly apart, his fingers don't flee. "I love your lips." I kiss his fingertips in response. The desire is building again. His thumb swipes my bottom lip, I suck in his thumb. He groans, my eyes close.

He leaves a wet trail as his thumb moves down my chin, around my collarbone, and back up my neck. His hand opens, his palm now flat against the bare skin on my neck. His moves are so slow, almost too slow.

"What are you doing?" It's difficult for me to speak, the want is too thick.

"I'm memorizing you. I don't ever want to forget this either." He begins to slowly unbutton my shirt. I want to rip the damn thing off and throw myself at him.

Instead I watch his eyes. He's so focused. Controlled.

My shirt slips down my arms. The cold air wrapping around my bare chest.

He continues to map, to touch, to _know _me.

I'm a giving person, he can have it all. My hands lace around his neck. Our lips reacquaint.

He pulls me tight, his chest fuzz tickle my breasts. His hands grip my hips holding me to him. It's his hard against my soft again.

I push down, he thrusts up. Over, and over and over again.

It's too good to stop. His mouth on my chest, his hands on my hips, his male against my female.

We are both panting. My hands are everywhere; his shoulders, then to his back, then to his hair – I'm just holding on for dear life as we climb higher and higher.

The peak is so close.

No words are spoken, none are needed. Ecstasy speaks the same language and sometimes it's silent.

His moans mingle with my groans and then they absorb into our skin.

Our movements are un-synchronized and slower, and then I shudder and fall. He stiffens and descends with me.

Our landing is soft. Our bodies are wet, other parts are sticky.

Still we kiss more.

Never enough.

I feel his heart beat near my own – it's fast, almost as quick as mine.

"God, that was good." His mouth is still open and tasting my bare skin – here, there and then here again.

"Mmm hmm, " I agree. "It's been awhile."

"Me too." he confesses.

I smile against his shoulder. That's good to know.

He leans back and his hands raise to my cheeks. His chest is still rising and falling fast and his eyes, they really are windows to his soul. It's beautiful.

"You have to know, this is all so new for me. I'm treading unfamiliar ground here. Please, don't leave me behind." His voice is pleading and his soul is vulnerable.

"I'm not going anywhere."


	13. Chapter 13, Sparkle

**Word Prompt**: Sparkle

* * *

Edward calls a cab and leaves. We don't want to be apart, but after our partially clothed romp on my bed, we both have some cleaning up to do.

I choose not to shower and just change my clothes, I rather like my skin branded with his scent.

Now alone, I chase away the thoughts that this is all too much, that we're moving too fast. Words like _unhealthy_ and _obsession_ dance around in my head. Those lead to ideas of broken hearts and good-byes, I don't want to go there, so instead I wait outside my apartment for him to return.

He drives up and honks. I run and jump in his car. "Who's car?" I sound way too excited.

"It's a rental." He up shifts and the peels away from the curb. His smile is troubled, it's there – but it's not.

I feel like I'm running from something or that I'm trying to escape the unknown. I'm not sure that I like it, but right now I'm with him – that's all that matters.

"Where are we going?" I fiddle with my seat belt.

"Alice suggested we check out the Aquarium. Have you ever been?" His eyes dart over to me, then back to the road. The GPS speaks out orders for him to turn left in two miles.

I shake my head, "That sounds like fun, I've always wanted to go."

Now that we are in the real world & not holed up in my bedroom, somehow it feels different and I'm a tad bit nervous.

**...~{sYa}~...**

The place is huge. As soon as we walk through the entrance, they have us pose for a picture. Afterward, we enter the center of the aquarium and there are halls leading in every direction. I pick up a map from the kiosk and Edward grabs my hand and leads me down a hall – I assume he's picking one at random.

We walk and see fish. And there are some more fish. And then more... fish. I'm starting to think that all they have is different colored... fish and I'm going to be disappointed. I expected penguins, seals and dolphins, maybe even a whale or two. Or how about some turtles? Crocodiles? Alligators? Anything but just... fish.

Now, I won't I lie – some of the fish are neat to look at. Like the blind ones or the ones that glow in the dark. I may have even bonded with the Nemo-looking fish thinking it was cute. I even looked in it's tank for Dorie.

I follow Edward's lead, my hand still in his. We stop, we look, we read, and then we move on to the next. I feel sort of distant from him,so I lean into his shoulder every time we stop.

He seems far away, his thoughts are elsewhere. He's withdrawn.

Now, I really am nervous.

Then suddenly we stop and voilà! Sharks! Something other than fish! And there's a glass tunnel we walk through and the sharks swim above us. We both reach for the ceiling and touch it with our fingers. It's an optical illusion, they seem so close, but when you tilt your head a certain way, there's a large gap in between the layers of glass.

And yes, there are fish swimming with the sharks – I'm assuming it's fish that sharks don't eat, but still, it's rather odd.

I drop my hand and look at Edward. He seems so lost. The sun is filtering in through the top of the aquarium, it's reflecting through the water. The ripples from the fish and the sun and the glass are casting a sparkling brilliance on the floor around us.

Edward is in the the middle of it all. He's a kaleidoscope of light, love, and sex.

I'm drawn to him. I don't fight it. I wrap my arms around his middle, his arm drops around me.

"What are you thinking?"

"Everything," his voice is sadness and apprehension.

"Tell me," I say with calmness and understanding.

We find a place to sit.

He doesn't look at me. "I'll be leaving in two days. So..."

I nod. I know what he's thinking, I think it to.

"I'm just not sure what to do. How far we should take this. Us. I don't want to hurt you. I care for you too much." Finally, he turns to me and it's green welcoming brown.

"Where are you going?" I begin to wonder that maybe he doesn't trust me.

"It's complicated."

I'm hurt, but I try and hide it. "Seriously? That's all you're going to give me?" I'm not successful, the pain rattles through my voice.

"No, I'll tell you anything," he sounds sincere.

"Everything," I plead.

I need it all.

* * *

**A/N**: I went to the Georgia Aquarium & Bella's thoughts were my thoughts. It was cool, but it was mainly just a bunch of fish. I have pics of the shark tunnel and stuff.


	14. Chapter 14, Revelation

**Multimedia Share**: Revelation: the act of revealing or disclosing; disclosure

* * *

"Don't look so worried!" He's practically laughing at me.

"Well! I don't know what to say! For all I know you're getting ready to begin a life sentence in prison for slashing female college students into bite-size pieces after you take them to look at fish!"

He takes my hand, kissing my knuckles again. He shakes his head, hiding his smile behind our hands. "Nah, it's nothing like that."

"So?" The anticipation is getting to me.

He takes a deep breath and our hands fall to his lap.

"So, it's my job. It's what I do. I travel. Everywhere. A lot. At the drop of a hat, I may have to be gone weeks or months. I don't have a schedule or anything. It's why I'm as successful as I am. I'm always available. I get a call, and I'm there. I've never let anything hold me down. Or you know... Had anything to ever hold me back." His eyes are elsewhere but on mine.

I'm still lost. Confused. I get it, but I don't. "I.. what... I-" My face must say it all. He laughs at me again.

"Bella, did you see the pictures after nine-eleven of the fireman kneeling in the debris in New York? Or after the tsunami, the photos of the dead piled in the streets? Or the ones of Obama carrying out a puppy from the animal shelter in D.C.? Those, all me. I'm a freelance photographer, but I take a lot of pictures for Time and National Geographic and-"

I lift my hand to stop him. My head is spinning. "How? I mean... you... What? Wait. How does it all happen?"

His thumb rubs over my hand. "Well, I have people all over the world who give me leads. I get a call that something might happen, or that something just happened, or something is planning on taking place, and I just go. Within an hour, I could be on a plane to god-knows-where with no time frame on when I might be finished."

"Wow," I feel proud of him, I really do. He's kinda famous. And popular and it excites me. But then I realize I'm overshadowing the truth of it all. He can't make me any promises. Ever.

My smile falls.

"Hey, you have to understand – this job, this profession, it's really all I have. All I've ever had. It's been everything to me. And up until just a couple days ago, I never had anything to worry about leaving behind. Or returning to. I told you, I don't want to hurt you. I can't ask you to wait on me or anything. I just... can't."

I want to tell him he could. He could ask me. No – more than that, I want him to want to ask me to wait on him.


	15. Chapter 15, Snow

**Word Prompt**: Snow

* * *

Alice and I are standing in the kitchen alone. Edward and Jasper left a few minutes ago to go to the grocery store to get us some chicken to grill for supper.

"So you and Edward really seem to be hitting it off, huh?" Alice asks.

I set my drink on the counter. "Yeah. It's pretty.. awesome." I don't hide my grin.

"Did you enjoy the aquarium?" She opens the pantry door and begins to pull things out to cook.

"Yeah, I did. I was surprised that it was mostly fish. There was what? Maybe one whale, a few turtles, and crocodiles. I assumed there would be a lot more than just ...fish," I laugh.

Earlier after mine and Edward's brief talk about his job, we continued to look at the rest of the aquarium. We both agreed we'd talk more about it later and just enjoy the day.

"I know, it's more like a big ol' fish tank, huh? What about the seal exhibit, is it not ready yet?"

"No, I think the sign said April." I look around the corner. "Isn't your the bathroom down the hall?" I ask and point. I used it once the other night when Edward and I were here.

"Yeah, make yourself at home."

**...~{sYa}~...**

On the way out of the bathroom I see that Alice's hall is lined with framed photographs.

I stop to look and I'm mesmerized. I refrain from reaching up and touching the glass and smearing it with my fingerprints.

There is one of a small Eskimo child. He's bundled up in a fur coat and all you can see is his pink nose and his big, dark brown eyes. He's sitting on the top of a small hill made of snow. The sky is the clearest blue behind him and it's so perfect, it doesn't even look real.

"That's the one that started it all." I jump as Alice speaks behind me. I didn't hear her walk up. "Did he tell you?" she asks.

"Just that he does this, is all. It's... it's just..." I say feeling somehow insignificant to the child that lives in a world of ice.

"I know. No words. Edward just has the god-given talent. His pictures are more than just pictures, they tell stories. You should ask him about them."

We stand silent.

I move to the next. Then to the next and the next. There is a large one at the end of the hall. It's a woman standing at the edge of a forest. She has on a floral print dress and it stands out against the background of rich browns and deep greens. Her head is thrown back and her sandy-brown hair is blowing in the breeze. Her arms are outstretched and she seems to be embracing the world.

In the corner of the print, I see the name 'E.A. Masen' and I'm confused.

I join Alice in the kitchen. "He doesn't use his real name?"

She hesitates, "Um, Bella. I like you, I really do. I think you're good for him. It's about time he find someone. But he needs to be the one to fill you in with all the details. It's his story to tell. But I want you know, even though my loyalty is with Edward, I'm here if uh... later on, you need to talk or anything."

A car door slams outside and I hear Edward and Jasper laughing.

The cloud of complexity and wonder around me begins to lift. Edward is here now and I feel instant comfort.

We have so much to discuss. So much to learn about the other. I don't think I want to waste a minute being without him.

The urgency is real. And time is against us.

"Hey," he whispers as his lips greet my cheek. I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight. The emotions inside my soul spiral and collide, swell and dip.


	16. Chapter 16, Skate

**Word Prompt**: Skate

* * *

"Hey, this chicken is partially frozen, why don't you two take a walk. Jasper and I will get this started." Alice nods as she looks at Edward and then at me.

She's such a doll. She can probably see the questions brewing in my mind.

"Yeah, that's a good idea." Edward grabs my hand, "You want to?"

"I'd like that." _So I can pick your mind like a vulture. _

We walk down the sidewalk. The houses go for miles and they pretty much look all the same. It's late afternoon and the streets are busy. Kids playing. Adults returning from work. And there's just me and Edward.

We don't speak, but we walk close together. I feel apprehensive. I worry about being too nosy or pushing him too much.

Soon enough my curiosity gets the better of me. "I saw your pictures in the hall."

"What did you think?" He raises his eyebrows and squeezes my hand.

"Genius. You are like a... photographer genius," I sigh,"Wait, is that even real thing?"

He shakes his head.

"Edward, they really are beautiful. I wish I could think of a better description. It's art. They make my drawings look so elementary."

"Don't say that. It's two totally different things. I could never do what you do. Yours are beautiful in their own way."

Our walking has slowed. We approach a playground. He leads me over to a picnic table. We both sit on the table top and watch the kids play around us.

I sigh again. "Alice said the Eskimo picture started it all. What did she mean?"

"You want the short version or the long?" His face is blank. I wish to draw him smiles and dimples, eyes that sparkle and lips that curl.

"I prefer details." _I want it all._

He begins, "Okay. Um, I always knew I was adopted-"

"You're adopted?" he looks at me sternly and then nods.

"I'm sorry. I'll try not to interrupt again, but you just can't throw that out there and expect me to not.. react." I scoot closer to him and loop my hand around his leg above his knee.

Then one side of his lip curls. _There it is._

He takes a deep breath, "Alice was adopted also. We always spoke very openly about it in our home. We considered it a blessing and it was a part of who we were. When I turned sixteen, I begin to want to seek out my birth parents. I just had questions and my adoptive parents, Esme and Carlisle, they were very understanding. They agreed to help me."

His eyes become hallow and dark. "It was real easy to find out the details of my birth mother, but my mind had been made, so two days after graduation, I set out to meet her."

He pauses again, looking away.

My heart hurts already.

"But taking pictures had always been a hobby of mine. I took a few classes in high school, even a tech class one summer just to learn more about it. I asked for money for my graduation gifts because I wanted to travel the states and take pictures. Then I wanted to end my journey meeting my birth mother."

He laughs and his tone is cold. "See, I had this idea, that she would want to meet me too. I'd watched one to many reunions on television I guess. But there was no confetti or balloons or tears or smiles. She gave me up for a reason. She didn't want a kid. Ever."

Tears fill his eyes and I want to kiss them away. Mine eyes mimic his.

He shakes his head again. "The Eskimo picture, I took that on my cross country trip. It was just a spur of the moment idea to drive into Alaska. All I had was time and cash. I emailed all my pictures back to Alice, so she could back them up to a disk for me. Without my knowledge she entered it into an online photograph contest. It won. The rest they say is history."

I swallow hard as the sadness fills my throat and the tears linger in my eyes, "Why the pseudonym?"

"My mother was a famous actress. After I found out who she was, the first movie of her's I ever watched, that's what her last name was- 'Masen.' I always joked around at home, using that name as my alter ego. If I got into trouble or made a bad grade, I blamed it on Masen. It was supposed to be a good thing. Alice entered the pictures under that name, and I just kept it. But, E.A. are my real initials."

A teenage boy skates past us, screeching his skateboard to a stop and throwing his hand up to wave at Edward.

Edward freezes in his spot.

"How's those resolutions going?" The kid smiles, waves, and then speeds off.

"Who was that?" I ask, my mouth dry.

"Just some neighbor kid that kicked my ass in basketball."


	17. Chapter 17, Tube

**Word Prompt**: Tube

* * *

During supper, the mood around us is somber. I don't like seeing this part of Edward – the one where he hides behinds his walls.

Alice can tell, she keeps trying to initiate conversation with him. He always answers short, quiet, hard.

I lay my hand on his thigh while we eat, his warm palm covers mine.

I want to cry. His despair cripples me.

I know we don't have the time for this, but then again, we still have more to talk about. What's going to happen in four days after he's gone? In a week? A month?

This sucks.

Will it always be like this? This – this I don't want.

His cell phone rings during dessert. He glances at the screen and then gets up and walks away from the table hurriedly.

I find the cheesecake on my place suddenly very fascinating, I refuse to look away from it. I make lines and swirls with the tines of my fork, the graham cracker crust crumbling and covering my plate.

I can't swallow what's even in my mouth. My emotions are overwhelming and have closed up my throat. I sip at my tea. Why do I feel so lost when I've found so much?

He walks back into the dining room, and the grim look on his face is gone. The gloomy feel of the air around us dissipates immediately. His smile is big, it reflects the sun even though it's already set.

"You finished eating?" He glances at my plate.

I nod and refrain from jumping up into his arms and letting him carry me away.

"I have something for you," he reaches for my hand as I stand.

"I put it in your bedroom." Alice says as she begins to clear the table.

"Do you need my help?" Edward is tugging on my hand, but I ask anyway.

"No, go on," Alice grins and Jasper stands and stacks plates.

I follow Edward in his room. It smells of his body wash and cologne. I want to roll around on his bed, surround myself in his essence – drown myself in it.

My heart fluctuates.

He lets go of my hand and walks over to the bureau. He picks up a large tube and pulls the end cap off. He hands it to me.

I look at him with surprise and question.

"Pull it out." He leans back, propped up against the dresser. Arms crossed, smug smile, eyes twinkling.

My hand fumbles as I reach into the long, large cylinder to explore it's contents.

It's a picture. Rolled up.

My body shakes with excited nerves.

I pinch the edge and pull out the roll.

Unrolled, I look and I gasp. He walks over to stand next to me and holds on to one edge, opening it up wide.

It's a very big picture.

He points, "See the edge of the dock?"

I nod, stunned.

"I'd been standing there for hours. I was tired. Practically lost –I had no idea where I was exactly. The sun had set, not a cloud in the sky. There was no one around me. It was so quiet. Before I knew it, the sky was filled with all these lights and colors. My ears rang from the loud explosions. And the way it reflected off the water..."

Tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't speak.

"That night I met you, I had Alice order a print. For you. No one's ever seen it besides her. But you-"

I throw the picture and the photo-mailer tube onto the bed and I latch onto his shoulders. My face is buried into his neck. My tears are wetting me and him and I just don't care.

I still can't speak.

Everything inside me fizzles, ruptures, and bursts just like the fireworks and my heart and my soul, they reflect my feelings just like the water.

I kiss the flesh of his neck, tasting his skin saturated with my tears.

He rubs my back and shushes me. His hands tangle in my hair.

I grip him tighter.

I never want to let him go.

"Thank you," I finally choke out. "It's so beautiful." Kiss and taste. "And perfect."

"You're welcome," he answers before he kisses my hair. He pulls it over to the side and his lips graze my ear. He inhales. "Alice already ordered a frame. It should be here in a few days." His hot breath tickles the sensitive skin of my neck. His nose traces my outer ear lobe and I melt into his arms.

"I want us to be alone," I all but moan into his neck.

"Me too. We need to talk, I have some... news." He grips me tighter, I'm almost lifted off the ground.

"Take me," I respond. _Here. There. Any fucking where, just let me be with you and I'll be happy, I swear._

This man, he's all I want. Somehow we have to make it work. We have to.


	18. Chapter 18, Lodge

**Word Prompt**: Lodge

**Dialogue Flex:** "Hey!" she protested.

* * *

We're in the car headed to Jasper's cousin's lodge on the Chattahoochee River. It's only about a thirty minute drive. The GPS is barking out directions, and I can barely hear the radio that's turned down. The road is bumpy and we're both bouncing around in our seats. Edward has a lead foot, so I've been keeping my eye out for any roadside cops with their radars out. Thank my daddy for that habit.

"Where was the picture taken?" I angle myself in my seat to face him.

"In Arizona. Not too far out of Phoenix. I was actually in a restricted place, blocked off from the public. Did you like it?"

"Very much so," I smile. I notice that when he drives, he keeps his left elbow propped on the ledge of the car door. His hands in his hair or his fingers resting on his chin. It's so adorable.

Too bad automobiles weren't designed for snuggling.

I sigh, "Tell me about your and Alice's parents."

"Carlisle's a doctor and Esme works from home. She's a closet designer."

I look at him strangely.

He laughs, "She designs custom closets, or organizes and builds them – like walk-in closets and stuff."

I mouth, "Ooo," and nod.

"They're wonderful people. Absolutely. Wonderful. I couldn't have asked for better parents." He tries to smile, but I can tell, it's a fake.

"But?" I ask. He can tell me.

"After the disaster of a meeting with my birth mother, I was stupid and immature and I lashed out at them." His forehead wrinkles as he talks. "I was in a bad place... for awhile. They've forgiven me for the way I treated them, but I haven't quite forgiven myself. They deserve better."

"So you haven't talked to them in how long?" I push gently and dig a little deeper.

"We talk a few times a month, but it's about my work or what mail I have at their house." He shakes his head.

I reach for him over the console, "I bet they miss you." I rub up and down his arm before I relax back in my seat.

"Will you tell me more about your birth mother? I don't want to upset you or anything..." My voice is uneasy.

He shrugs, "Sure. I don't like talking about it, but what do you want to know?" I shiver as they interior of the car gets colder.

"What was her real name?"

"Elizabeth Locke was her maiden name. She got pregnant with me when she was almost fifteen. Her pregnancy was kept hidden from the media. No one knows who my father was for sure, but it was rumored to be a much, much older man that was a screen writer working on one of her movies. She was actually sent away to a very private ranch in Montana to wait out her pregnancy. It was reported to the media that she was in rehab. Imagine, it was better for them to think she was a druggie instead of an unwed mother."

"Damn," I whisper under my breath.

"Her lawyer must have been shady or something. It didn't take much digging for us to find out who my birth mother was even though the records were supposed to be sealed tight. She was married when I met her to a very rich and influential politician in California. She spoke to me maybe thirty minutes before she told me I had to leave."

"Does she still make movies?"

His hands are gripping the steering wheel tightly. He shakes his head and his eyes narrow.

I stop prodding.

**...~{sYa}~...**

The lodge is right on the river bank. The water is murky and dark. The air around us is getting colder and the wind is picking up. I heard on the radio a cold front is coming through. Stupid, inconsistent southern weather.

The insides are decorated simple, brown and warm. No fluff or lace. Definitely a man's place.

We drop our overnight bags right inside the door while we look around. There's only a bedroom, a bathroom and one open room with a kitchenette and a sofa.

It's perfect.

Edward glides up beside me, his arms find purchase around my waist, mine around his neck.

He kisses me slowly. Lips barely touching. Teasing.

I whimper.

Then he pulls me in tighter, just holding me. I get the impression he feels the same way I do – he doesn't want to let go either. I reciprocate, arms wound so tight it's almost painful.

"This is all so hard," he voices into my hair.

"It doesn't have to be," I answer and I hope.

He releases me and we walk over to couch. He sits down and then I curl up on his lap. My head resting below his chin, his arms around me again, binding me, securing me.

"Bella. You don't understand."

"Help me to understand."

He takes a deep breath, "I'm leaving in less than forty-eight hours and while this trip won't be a long one, I can't say the same for the next one or the next. It's who I am, it's what I do."

"We can work it out. We'll just take it one day at a time. We-"

"Come on Bella. Be real. This isn't the most ideal circumstances for a relationship. I don't think we should do this." His tone is louder, yet... broken.

"Hey!" I protest. "You don't get to do this Edward. You don't get to just push me away and act as though I don't care about you! Because I do! I do care! I'm wiling to try, but if you're not... If you're not willing to at least attempt to have something more with me," I fight to stand up out of his embrace, "...then fine. Take me home now."

The tears are rolling down my cheeks and my heart clenches, but he doesn't let go. If anything, he holds me tighter. "Let's stop this now, before... we take it any farther." I can barely speak. The idea of no more Edward, is as frightening as the thought of no more air.

"No, don't you see, I want you Bella. I do. I don't want push you away, but it would be the smart thing to do. It would-"

I shake my head and burrow harder into his chest, "Lets not do the smart thing Edward, let's be stupid. Let's be totally stupid together."

His arms are my comfort, his voice is my lullaby, and even though it's only temporary, it's all I want.


	19. Chapter 19, Lift

**Word Prompt**: Lift

* * *

He stands with me still cradled in his arms and carries me over to the bed. He sits me down in the center and I move to slip off my shoes. He busies himself doing the same.

My face is still wet from my tears and my heart is thumping erratically. My skin feels prickly and my muscles actually ache.

I can't deny that I'm scared.

I'm afraid he's going to leave me and never come back. I'll never see or talk to him again. I'm afraid that it will be so easy for him to move on and forget me and that it will be just the opposite for me, I never will. I'm afraid that this is it, this 'us' may already be over before it ever even really began.

But more than all that, I'm scared with every ounce of my being that I won't ever find another man that makes me feel the way that he does.

There's no going back from the emotions that I've already tied up into him. He holds so much of everything that's me in his hands, that now I'm just a fragile person. I'm so easy to break.

This is not right, I should be strong and independent and just let him live his life and I'll live mine. Then when and if we intersect, we will live those days of our life together and it will be enough. I should be thankful and rejoicing for whatever he gives me of himself. I know that love like this is few and far between and I'm already one of a minority to have experienced it.

That doesn't make it any easier to let it go.

But I try to will myself to do just that. Release the worry, the dread, and the panic. Just allow myself to be right here in the right now and cherish it with worth more than gold.

"Be right back," Edward whispers and breaks me from my thoughts. He walks across the room and brings our bags closer.

I want him, in all the ways that a woman wants a man, and maybe even ways that I don't even know of yet.

I slowly take off my shirt, taking deep breaths, and not meeting his stare as it warms my body.

The lights are turned off and the air around us is hushed. The wind whips hard against the outside of the cabin and I hear tree limbs scraping the exterior. The leaves and bushes dance in the heavy breeze and cast a show of shadows that play on the walls around us.

The moonlight is bright, stealing through the window panes. Edward stands in front of me in just his boxers, the silver light illuminating his bare skin.

So, so very breathtaking.

I scoot to the edge of the bed and stand next to him. Soon enough, I too am clad in only my bra and panties. He throws back the edge of the covers and we both slowly crawl under.

The bed is small, his feet hang over the edge. We take advantage of the fact and curl into each other only needing enough room to hold onto the other.

We touch and map and feel. Hands against skin. Fingers brush flesh. Palms caress silk. Lips taste satin.

I relish every second, every inch, every impact of him against me.

We take our time, for at this very second, it has no hold over us.

His lips worship me. I lose myself in the fire that my body has become. We twist and turn. Arch and stretch. Rise and fall.

I take over, letting my mouth be the aggressor. My tongue licks and devours while my hands squeeze and hold. I watch as his eyelids shut, his mouth falls open, his voice silent with ecstasy.

His body and soul are a blended elixir of lust, a remedy of sex. The passion shared between us is the type that's usually kept bottled up only to be rationed out to the gods. Yet every now and then, a mere mortal comes along and loves another enough to steal some of the eroticism and bathe in it.

When he finally enters me, I hold my breath. His hands tangle with mine above my head. We can't get close enough. We can't kiss enough. We can't touch enough.

He moves in and out of me slowly. My whole body is hyper-aware of his whole body. I feel the hard bones of his shins as they swipe against my ankles. His lips are wet on my forehead. His chest is strong against my breasts. His hip bones jut out just enough to sometimes rap against my own. His stomach clenches with each retraction. His ass cheeks flex with each push. The soft hair of his muscular thighs tickle the smooth inside of my thighs. The ridge of his manhood hits on just the right spot... every... damn... time.

My mind has gone blank, all I can do is feel. Experience. Soar.

I'm floating in my own bliss. This man has lifted me up to paradise, then held me close as I made my descent.

My name falls from his mouth in a breathy moan. His movements slow and his lips kiss me sweetly.

Tears fill my lids and I gently close my eyes. The salt water spills over, slips down my temples, and gets lost in my hair.

I'll never be the same again.

Never.

* * *

**A/N:** Well? Talk to me. I'm having a crappy day and reviews will make me feel better.


	20. Chapter 20, Chocolate

**Multimedia Share:** Chocolate

* * *

The room grows darker as the storm clouds drift in and obscure the moonlight. Sprinkles of rain begin to pellet the tin roof and play a song of nature.

Edward's head is resting on my chest. His breathing is steady and his body is still. I continue to finger through his messy hair.

I've made up my mind. I'm not going to be sad and worrisome. I'm just going to take this all day by day. I know he's going to leave and I have my own life to tend to. Whatever is meant to happen, will happen. I shouldn't let it tarnish my now. I refuse to let the unknown bring me down.

He shifts and his warm hands circle my waist. He turns to look at me as sleep covers his face. The stubble of his face scuffs across my skin in the most delectable way.

"You're not sleeping?" His voice raw and husky. I'm not sure if he's asking a question or stating a fact.

I shake my head anyway, the tips of my fingers still lost in his hair.

He swallows hard, "What are you thinking about?" Then he lays his head back down and begins to caress my skin.

Everywhere.

I feel bold in the blanket of the darkness so I might as well lay it all out there, "Us and tomorrow. Our next week, just..."

"What about us?" His palms are like hot coals burning my skin, his fingers like the flaming tip of a candle as they glide across my skin.

I close my eyes and just... speak. "I don't want empty promises and I don't want to worry. But I want... you. I want to see you again. I want to wake up every morning, go about my day, and have something to look forward to."

He raises up to lay beside me. I turn around and spoon against him. Naked flesh aligned with bare skin. His arms pull me tight and I curl my arms around his, I'm holding on with all I got.

"Edward, I'll try if you'll try. We don't have to commit to anything, or talk everyday, or swear to the other things we can't be sure of. But I just want to try."

"Bella," his breath hot and damp in my hair, "I want to try too."

I smile and relax. I let my eyelids close and my mind rest. His agreement and the possibilities that it holds, combined with the comfort of his arms is enough.

For now.

… **_~{sYa}~ ..._**

I wake to a warm blinding sun filtering in through the window. I hear pots clanging in the kitchen and then the refrigerator opens and closes.

I lie still just collecting myself. I recalled the way he woke me in the early hours of dawn. His hardness moving against my backside. Without a second thought, I reached down and aligned him without saying a word. He grew harder as he pushed inside me. I turned to look at him. His mouth lowered to mine, he swallowed my moans and I had to remind myself to breath.

I listened to him whimper as we fucked. That time was hard and fast. He reached around my body to feel where we were connected. His fingers brushing me, touching him, exploring us. I came quicker than I ever had before, with him right behind me. Figuratively and literally.

I slipped on my t-shirt and my underwear and went to find my man.

He was standing in the kitchen in just his jeans. My heart skipped a beat and my whole body shivered. I watched as he tended to something on the stove, unaware of my presence. His body swayed as he hummed to himself.

I quickly approached him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I kissed the center of his back and rested my cheek against him.

"Morning sleepyhead." He turned and hugged me back. He planted a chaste kiss on the crown of my head and turned back to the stove. "Scrambled eggs," he wiggled his eyebrows and walked over to the small table.

I peeked over into the two coffee mugs that were set on the table by the empty plates.

"Sorry, we have a limited supply of groceries which does not include coffee." He cringed as he filled our plates with eggs.

I laughed and bit my lip, he was beyond cute. I raised my cup to my nose and sniffed.

"It's hot chocolate. Is that okay?" He seemed nervous. I wish he understood, I would have drank that nasty lake water if it meant I was still here with him.

"It's perfect. I love hot chocolate actually," I said as I blew on the steaming liquid.

"Oh," he said with a mouth full of eggs, "I forgot." He picked up a napkin and wiped off his mouth, "I have some good news to share."

I lost all interest in my food.


	21. Chapter 21, Mush

**Word Prompt**: Mush

* * *

I pick up my warm cup with both hands and blow into the smooth chocolate creating ripples. I look at him over the cup as it hides my smile. "You have good news?"

He smirks and nods his head. "So that call at the table yesterday, that was from Aro, he's kind of like my agent. He was filling me in for my schedule for the next few weeks and..." he pauses.

I drink slowly, careful to not burn my tongue or choke on his news. I gently set my cup down on the table then trace the rim, I'm hesitate to look him in the eye. He's yankin' my chain and he's doing it on purpose.

I act nonchalant, I can pretend not to care. It's easy enough even though my insides are a mess.

"Well..." he swirls his fork against his bare plate, his smile is too cute. "This next assignment, it's in Fort Worth." I nod and narrow my eyes. "But it's only going to last, like-" he lays down his fork and takes a slow drink of his hot chocolate. "It'll be –what was it again? I can be back in," he shrugs, "four days."

I refrain from jumping up out of my seat. Four days is like an extended weekend. That's nothing. "Four days, huh?" I tease.

He's trying not to smile, "Yep."

"Hmm. I might not even have time to miss you," I cross my arms over my chest.

He shakes his head, "Nope."

"And you **can** be back? Or you **will**?" I swallow hard awaiting his answer.

"That depends on you," he crosses his arms and mocks me.

"I want to see you again," I finally let my smile break free as I answer, "and again... and again, and..."

He slowly stands and begins to stalk toward me.

I practically fall out of my chair as I jump to my feet and take off in a sprint toward the couch. He's right on my heels as we reach the couch. His arms circle my waist and we fall into a laughing heap onto the couch.

I look into his eyes and I stop laughing. The intensity I see there stops my heartbeat. I lift my hands to cradle his face.

He leans forward and I close my eyes. "I want to see you again too," he mumbles against my lips. Then our lips touch and dance. The fire builds. The want devours.

We waste the few hours we have left lost in each other. No sleep, no talk, just love and lust and want.

… **_~{sYa}~ …_**

He leaves me alone in my apartment before he has to drive back to Alice's to pack his bag and board his plane. He didn't ask me to accompany him to the airport, I'm not sure why, but I would have went. I really wanted to.

We traded phone numbers and email addresses. He told me that he'd be busy the next three days, but he'd at least text me to know all was well.

I slump down on my bed into a pile of sad. I can still taste his mouth on my lips. I can still smell his cologne on my shirt. I already miss him more than I should.

I hate the way I felt when he shut the door behind himself. I hate the unanswered questions that immediately began to infiltrate my thoughts. I hate the ache that prickled in my heart and then radiated to my fingertips and to my toes. I hate that only after a few minutes, I already feel this insecure and am questioning everything he said to me.

When he's with me, it's easy to forget all my insecurities and doubts. Yet, he's been gone less than thirty minutes, and I feel like I've already lost him.

The tears don't come, I'm not that pathetic yet. All I know is that it feesl like love scrambled my insides and my used-to-be-smart brain into a gob of mush. I know that I miss him. I know that I love him. I know that I want to see him again and I know that if I don't, I might not ever get over it.


	22. Chapter 22, Resort

**Word Prompt**: Resort

* * *

Sheer exhaustion blankets me as soon as I relax on my bed. There's no worry or wonder or sadness, just sleep and rest. I welcome it with open arms and it provides a calm escape.

The next morning, I join Rose at the breakfast table. She's as beautiful as ever, even in her plain sleep clothes, it's just natural for her.

"So, you've been busy," She turns away from me filling her cereal bowl, unsuccessfully hiding her giggles.

"I have." I sound defensive because, yeah, I am.

"Chill out B. I think it's nice for you to finally get you some man meat."

"Rose..." I know I'm whining but does she have to tease me? How old are we again?

"Bella," she whines back, "really, I'm happy to see you happy." She sits down at the table across from me, "Now give me the scoop on your little luuuuve nugget."

I laugh and it feels good. Cleansing.

I tell her what I know about Edward. I leave out the private parts about his adoption, his real mother, and his heartache, those sacred blemishes are for me to guard.

Talking about him makes me smile. It's a smile that wiggles down deep in my soul and soon mirrors on my face.

But because Rose is Rose and she's always on top of things, she asks me questions that I don't have answers to. Questions that begin to make me restless and troubled, making my smile retreat.

"_So where does he live exactly, like – where does he get his mail?"_

"_Has he ever been married?"_

"_What about kids? Is he someone's baby daddy?"_

"_Does being a photographer really pay him all that well?"_

"_Can you seriously trust him to be gone all the time?"_

I shake it off and begin my day of chores and errands. I refrain as much as I can from glancing at my watch too often. Or from checking my cell phone for missed calls or texts, I even restart it a couple of times to be sure it's working properly.

He hasn't called. Or text-ed. Or anything.

He must be really busy.

By the early evening, I've ran out of things to do. Everything is settled at school for me to start back next week. My laundry is done and put away. My bedroom, bathroom, and the rest of the entire apartment is spotless.

And when the plague that is my vacillation and distress has invaded my every thought, I resort to the only one who can maybe fill in the cracks – Alice.

… **_~{sYa}~ …_**

She welcomes me at the door as if she knew I was coming. Jasper is gone and she invites me to stay and eat a salad with her.

I agree. She asks me about school and my classes. We talk about her job and the weather. Then silence, a little awkward, a little hesitant.

"Edward's coming back in a few days, huh?" she sighs.

I nod and whisper, "I hope."

She invites me into the den. I sit on the couch and she joins me with a couple of photo albums in her hand.

"I thought you might like to see these." She hands them to me.

Page after page of pictures. Edward as a baby, then a toddler holding a tiny baby Alice. Playing baseball. Sliding down a slide. Riding a bike. Picking his nose.

Growing up.

Playing a guitar. Loading film into a camera. Shooting basketball. Sitting in the floor in front of a television with a video game controller in his hand. In the center of a bunch of friends, Edward's head tucked under some guys arm.

He was always handsome. Always smiling. I can hear him laughing as I study the pictures. I try not to cry, but tears keep filing my eyes anyway.

Alice is quiet as she watches me flip the pages. I'm sure she could tell me a thousand stories tied to these pictures.

"Bella, Edward told me he told you some about his birth mother?" It's more of a question than a statement.

I lay my palms open on the pages, I look at her and nod.

"I wish that whole situation didn't change him the way it did. He was devastated when she rejected him, but when she died..." Alice shakes her head and looks away.

"He didn't tell me that." I confess as my heart breaks a little more for him. "Will you tell me?"

"He probably won't anyway," she says, maybe more to herself than to me. "It was only three weeks after Edward visited her. She was found in her bed. They called it an accidental overdose, it was a lethal combination of her prescription medications. But Edward believes... that it was on purpose."

I look back at the pictures. Edward on a stage wearing a cap and gown. Edward with his arm around Alice, his diploma in his hand. Edward sitting in a silver car, his arms thrown up like he just won something, bags packed so tall in the backseat it obscures the back window.

"Elizabeth was separated from her husband at the time, but he claims she called him before she went to bed that night. Evidently, she told him about Edward for the first... and only time." She swipes a tear from her cheek.

"It really broke his heart. He lashed out at our parents. He hated himself. He hated the world. We didn't hear from him for almost six months. Then when he came back, he was so distant and broken."

The last page in the album is bare, no pictures at all, it saddens me more.

"You have to understand Bella, for the past few years, he's done nothing but run and alienate himself. When he's working – taking pictures, he somehow transforms himself into this other persona. A guy named Masen with no cares in the world. A guy who's mother didn't give him away or kill herself right after she met him. A guy with nothing but pictures. So, don't... I'm not sure how to say this. Don't fall too hard for him yet. I don't know if E.A. Masen will ever settle down or stay in one place for long. You deserve better than that. I don't want to see you hurt."

I close the album. "But what about Edward? Would he choose to stay?"

She shrugs and frowns, "I don't know if that Edward is still around or not. I've seen him act a little like his old self the past few days, so...don't give up hope yet."

I'm not sure how to take her advice. I nod and hand her back the albums. My hands feel bare not holding on to some part of him.

"This may sound crazy, but can I stay," I point down the hall, "can I stay in his room? I just don't want to go home tonight." I can't explain it really.

Yet, I think she understands anyway. "Of course, and for what it's worth, I haven't changed the sheets yet," she winks.

We get to the door and I open it. My eyes lock onto his open bag setting in the chair. It's half empty.

"Bella, if you ever need to talk, about Edward or anything, I'm here."

I try to smile back at her. I appreciate it, I really do.

She slowly shuts the door behind me. I look around the room. I pick up his hat out of the floor and slip it on my head, backwards. I lift his hoodie from the arm of the chair and cuddle it up to my chest, burying my face in it. I slid down to the floor and rest my back against the bed.

I know that I didn't ask Alice a single question that I had intended too. I almost felt like I was being disloyal to Edward if I did.

I take a deep breath and let his essence comfort me.

How is this ever going to be easy?


	23. Chapter 23, Enchantment

**Note(s): **Unbeta'd - always. PAY ATTENTION TO THE POV, this one's a double. * wink *

**Word Prompt**: Enchantment

* * *

I leave Alice's house while the grass is still wet with dew. No one was up yet, I'd been lying awake in Edward's bed for hours restless with worry.

I walk home instead of taking a cab or public transportation. The morning air is refreshing as I inhale it deep into my chest. The sun is rising in the distant horizon, and the sky glows purple and red. "Red sky at morning, sailor's take warning." It never fails, dad's words reverberate in my mind every time I see the cardinal sky and I have to finish it, "red sky at night, sailor's delight."

I wish dad could have met Edward, I think he would approve. Dad had told me once that the feeling of love was indescribable. It could make you crazy and blissful at the same time, that love was easy, but being successful at it was hard work. He warned that all relationships take trust and devotion, and that if you don't at least try your best, you've already failed.

That was the only time he ever talked to me about love. It was the day before my mother was getting married to Phil. I knew it bothered my father that she was marrying again. Renee was the only woman he had ever loved, besides me.

I stick my hands into my jacket pockets and my cell phone is cold against the back of my hand. I suddenly remember that I hadn't checked my cell at all today. I pull it out and sure enough, there's a single text message. My fingers fidget as I quickly push the correct buttons to retrieve it.

**3:09 a.m.**

**Miss You**

**-E**

With seven simple letters and the mere seconds it took for him to send it, he gives me serenity.

I want to scream aloud that I can do this, because I think... really I can. I can.

_What was it you used to say Dad?_ If life were easy, it wouldn't be such an adventure.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

It takes me hours to get home, but I welcome the distraction and the lapse of time.

I soon leave again and shop with Rose. We eat, we drink, we shop more and I feel ...normal, the same but different. I'm changed.

The anticipation tingles my skin and I know that within the next twenty-four hours, he'll be back. With me. In my arms. Or me in his.

Yeah.

We turn up the radio and sing loudly on the drive home. It's dark and late when we return. My feet ache and my arms cramp as I carry my few bags and walk up the sidewalk.

Rose spills the contents of one of her bags into the trunk and yells a song of curses that would make a pirate blush.

I laugh as I listen to her, but as soon as I near the house, the dark figure setting on our steps freezes me still. My heart leaps in my chest, my world seems to flip upside down, and my breath falters. The worry of the past three days falls off my shoulders and evaporates into the night sky. Gone like yesterday's sun.

He's not just back... he's back early. Excitement floods though my veins and I don't know if I should run or scream or both. At the same time.

I pick up my pace, and he stands tall when I approach him. I slowly set my bags down to the ground on each side of my feet. I close in on the distance that's between us and lay my head against his chest. I wrap my arms around his waist and take a deep breath. I don't say anything, nothing seems appropriate. His lets his head fall forward to rest his lips against the top of head. His arms circle my shoulders and he pulls me in even tighter.

We just hold on. It's affirmation and acknowledgment. It's us yielding to the knowledge that what we share is bigger than what we can understand. It's us surrendering to the mystery and power of love, and letting it whisk us away into the unknown.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

She's sitting beside me on the couch. My hands resting on her leg that's thrown over mine. My head falls back against the couch and I turn to watch her. She does that thing with her hair that she always does. She scrunches it up in her fist and pulls it up on top of her head. Then she holds it there for a second before she swipes it to one side and lets it go. For just a split second, her hair is wild and untamed. Then it slowly cascades and falls to her shoulders in a wave of silky hazel.

She takes my breath. Day in and day out. Without makeup. In her pajamas. Just out of the shower. Before she brushes her hair in the morning. As she's sleeping. Even that moment in time right before our lips meet and her features are blurred by our close proximity, she's gorgeous.

There's this enchantment that swirls around us, it draws us in, and casts away the world. It's a magic that I've never felt before and quite frankly, it terrifies me. I don't know if I should run from it, or fall back and bury myself in the bewilderment of it all.

I'm not one that has ever committed to another, and from what I've gather, neither is she. We both agreed that we wouldn't make this anymore complicated than we had to. No guarantees, no empty promises, no open-ended vows. No pledges or lies.

Just us together when we can.

Would it really be enough?

She stands and grabs my hand.

I see the burn in her eyes. It makes me hard with want. I have this desire to ravage her and worship at the same time.

She pulls me toward her bedroom.

I follow with ease. I don't know how long she'll lead me, or how long I'll follow. I know that there comes a time when all good things must end. When paradise is conquered by hell. When the curtain falls, the crowd leaves, and the magician puts away his props.

So I know this magic, this enchantment that we share, it will dissipate too. But I've already resolved that I'll take whatever I can get, and when all is said and done, I hope to come out with my heart still beating, and no more broken than it already was.


	24. Chapter 24, Conversation

**Multimedia Share:** Conversation, fall, loop: _So I googled for images about those 3 words. I went with conversation and found this cute little pic of 2 people talking on the railroad. We have a lot of those here in GA, so I used it. If you wanna see the pic, it's linked on my profile. _

* * *

He constantly loves me without words. He reassures me daily with merely a look in his eyes. He gives me nothing but himself, and it's more than enough.

The next few days pass by in a blur. When we have down time, we spend it together. School starts back, and I regretfully have to leave him alone in my bed.

He spends a lot of time on his laptop or his cell phone. He calls it working, and I could care less because he's still in town. With me.

Now his travel bag sits open in **my** chair with his clothes thrown around **my **bedroom. It stays there for weeks. At least every few days, he has some kind of assignment to do. He doesn't confirm that he has worked it out on purpose, but all his jobs are not too far away.

He spends a couple of nights in Birmingham, a quick day trip to Nashville, multiple shoots here in Atlanta, but always – he comes back to me.

It's the first weekend in February, the weather in Georgia is still as unpredictable as ever. Some days it's so warm you can comfortably wear short sleeves and the next day it sleets with a chance of snow.

After my shower, I find Edward sitting outside on the porch steps. He's smoking a cigarette. He doesn't smoke around me often so I wonder if he's upset or something.

I sit down beside him. and I'm forced to close my eyes as the sun's brightness hits my face. He reaches over and puts his hand on my knee and squeezes. I realize today's going to be one of those warm days. and decide I should go and change out of my sweatshirt.

"Let's go for a walk." He stands up behind me.

I nod and tell him to wait for just a minute as I go inside to change.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

Little did I know there was an old railroad track not too far from my apartment. It runs through the center of the woods. I'm not sure how long it had not been in use because it wasn't overtaken with weeds or bushes, and is still fairly cleared off.

I walk along the rail with my arms stretched out to balance myself. He does the same on the other one, and we laugh because one of us always tips over too far to one side and slips off.

Then we walk side by side and he takes my hand. Our fingers easily twine together, somehow a perfect fit.

He begins to talk. We don't slow our pace as he tells me more about his birth mother and his visit to meet her. He goes into detail a little about how it all made him feel and how he rebelled afterward. But mainly, he talks about the parts that Alice had already filled in for me, now though it means so much more coming from him.

He wants me to know.

He stops and sits down on one side of the rails, I sit facing him on the other. He picks at the small gravel that has lined the tracks for years and starts tossing them to the side.

The mood lightens, and he tells me about his childhood and his adoptive parents, Carlisle and Esme. He smiles a lot more and his memories are good ones. I confess that Alice shared her photo albums with me and that I studied every picture.

He looks up at me from under his lashes, the sun causing him to squint one eye. His face tinges with the slightest color of pink, "Seriously?" he asks before shaking his head and looking back to the ground.

"Yeah, you were absolutely adorable." I look away from him and glance at the forest.

"Were?" He kicks my shoe and laughs.

"Yeah. Were." I tease back.

We're quiet for a few minutes.

"I-"

"Th-"

We both begin to talk at the same time, interrupting the other.

"Go ahead," he urges me.

"Thank you for talking to me about your past and your family. I appreciate it. I know it's not the easiest thing for you to do. It means a lot to me."

He stares at me for a moment and I return his look with sincerity.

"I can't explain the way I feel about you." He states, simple and honest. No smile, no frown. He just lets his soul speak it's mind.

"I know what you mean. The best feelings are those that you can't describe with words, so I'm going to take that as a compliment. I feel the same way Edward – I do."

There. I said it.

We may love each other, but sometimes those three little words are overused and taken too lightly. _When_ and _if_I say it, I want him to feel my sincereness in his bones. I want it to mean something and be right and not be a 'maybe' or an 'I think.' I want it to be the confession of all confessions and the absolute truth just finally ...spoken aloud.

I'm not ready, and I don't think he is either. What we have is good. And enough for now.

We stand and turn to walk back in the direction we came. My hand in his again.

"I have to be gone for a few days."

"How many is a few?" It doesn't surprise me to hear it anymore, I don't even dread it as much.

"Four or five." His voice sounds flat.

I stop and pull him into hug, right there in the middle of the railroad tracks. And once again, dad's words spring into my thoughts and it may not be completely appropriate but I say it anyway, "What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness."

* * *

(The 2 quotes used within the context are not my own.)


	25. Chapter 25, Valentines Day

**Scenario:** Sometimes, the only way to describe love is without words. Of course, a few dozen roses, some lit candles, and a tiny box with a red bow on top might help. And that's exactly how the night begins.

* * *

His cab is outside. I'm leaning on the door watching him put his coat on. Our eyes are locked on the other; hungry, watching, and wanting. My hand is on the door knob, knowing I need to open it to let him leave, but putting it off as long as possible.

He slowly approaches me in a deliberate predatory strut. I chew on my bottom lip in anticipation.

He backs me up against the cold wood of the door. It sends a shiver down my spine, one side hot against him, the other freezing. His knuckles graze my cheek before his hand opens up to cup my face. I watch as he looks at me, there is so much of something there – in his eyes – I swim in it.

His lips barely touch mine though he's not kissing me yet. Our mouths are just open and preparing, the sweet, teasing taste of promise.

I close my eyes and lean my shoulders back into the door. I fight from grabbing him and refusing to let him leave me... ever again.

His tongue sneaks out and licks my top lip. I pant and whimper, my body is not my own, it hasn't been for a while now. Then like the fulfillment of a last meal on death row, he presses his lips to mine and we satiate.

He pushes me even harder against the door. Our bodies touching as much as possible. He moans in appreciation as I wrap one leg around him and grind against his thigh that's in between my legs. I hate to let this moment go. When a goodbye kiss feels like this, I want to prolong it for hours, or maybe even days. Not just minutes.

I want to ask him to stay, for him not to leave right now. Just another night and another morning waking next to me. Just to stay for a little while.

But I don't.

He rests his forehead against mine. I drop my leg from his hip and wrap my arms around him once more.

"It's just a few days," he whispers in my hair.

I nod, "I know." Because I do, I know I'll be alright, and before I even realize it, he'll be back.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

The door swings open, I'm in his arms. Our routine begins again, but so does the overcast of his next departure. The countdown hiding just out of sight, yet we ignore it until it comes knocking at the door to take him away again.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

"So what time do you think you'll be back?" I look in the pantry to figure out what I need to buy at the grocery this morning.

"Um, I'm not really sure. I'm guessing around eight or so. If anything changes, I'll let you know." I hear all the background noise of the city as he walks and talks.

"That sounds wonderful. Just remember, we have the house all to ourselves tonight," I say in a sing-song voice.

He growls and I laugh. "Be careful and I'll see you later."

"Bye Bella. Have a good day."

I sigh after he hangs up.

It's Valentines day and as much as I hate to give into this stupid day, this year I kinda have a boyfriend. That fact makes it a little less awful. I've always hated this day. The way it always made me feel.

Whether it was in grade school, being left out and feeling alienated and ugly. Then in middle school, when only the snobby girls would get roses and have secret admirers. Yuk!

And the knife to the heart was high school, where not just one single rose would get delivered, but dozens, or even balloons attached to pink teddy bears. I hate shiny balloons.

Needless to say, this day has never been for me.

But now, I have Edward and that makes things different. I, by no means, expect to get a ring or anything like that. I don't even want a gift. I just want acknowledgment from him that he wants to spend this night with me. That if this really is a holiday for lovers to celebrate their love, then what are we waiting for, bring on the party! And we will celebrate it properly, together.

Yes, he has a meeting at the Hilton downtown. He apologized profusely for it and swore up, and down he couldn't get out of it. Something about a documentary that's coming up, and he was hired to take the still shots. He's even been asked to help direct some of the cinematography. The directors are in town today, hence the meeting.

I assure him it's totally understandable. I get it, work comes first. If this wasn't a Saturday, I'd probably be in class today.

I can wait. I'm good at that.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

The pasta is warming in the oven, the few roses I bought this morning are in a vase in the center of the table. I have two candles just waiting to be lit.

I look in the mirror at my new back dress. It's simple yet elegant, but what makes me feel even more sexy is the new red underwear I wear underneath. _Hubba hubba_.

That's my gift to Edward – myself. There's even a red ribbon tied into a bow for him to unwrap me.

I glance at the clock, it's a few minutes after eight. He'll be here soon. I go into the kitchen, light the candles, and open the wine. I pour myself a glass and lean back, relaxing into the chair as I sip my drink. I can't wait to see him.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

I turn off the oven. The wine bottle is empty. The candles are burnt down to small, ugly lumps of wax. I don't know if I'm more angry or more hurt. It's after midnight and I still haven't heard from him.

It's the first time he's ever let me down. It's not even Valentines day anymore. So much for that shit. I still hate this day. Now even more.

My heads spins from the alcohol as I stand and make my way toward my bedroom. I stumble slow and defeated with my arm up and fingers trailing along the wall. I don't even take off my dress. I just slip into the rescue of my cold bed and want to forget it all.

As much as I don't want to, and even though I try and fight against it with all I have, I cry anyway. The rejection stings. The feeling of being not important enough to even call, it fucking haunts me.

I don't understand. I don't even want to fucking care. I don't want to feel this way. Ever.


	26. Chapter 26, Tease

**Word Prompt**: Tease

* * *

My body is lead and heavy tucked under my covers. I'm aware of every time I turn and move, and each time I begin to wake, that uneasy feeling in my chest swells – almost instantly.

It takes only seconds for my mind to spin and remember. I don't want it. It's too much. So I give back into the night. I don't open my eyelids, I just sleep. I will away the dread and the hurt that crawls all over my skin.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

I hear the swoosh of clothes moving right before the thud of something hitting the floor. Then I feel the bed dip.

I recoil. I twist away, I know it's him. I can feel him before he even gets close to me.

His hands brush my hair away from my face. His fingers ghost over my swollen lids, and he whispers my name.

I don't move, not on the outside anyway, but the inside of me has begun to churn – the swirl and crash of everything.

He whispers my name again, and I barely shake my head. His voice is closer now. "Please," he asks and I refuse again.

But for some reason, my body doesn't listen to the broken pleas of my heart. I roll over to lie flat of my back, and my breathing quickens it's pace.

I still haven't opened my eyes.

His hands are on my shoulders before they begin to descend and trace down my sides. He pulls the covers away and exposes me as he goes. My eyes are stinging, my heart is racing, my mind is confused.

But my body wants him anyway.

He reaches my thighs and immediately his palms move back up to my waist, bunching the dress up as he goes. Upon seeing my lacy underwear for the first time, I hear him gasp.

I want to tell him to stop, I should tell him to stop. But I don't say anything.

I feel his lips hot against my ear, his breath is stained with alcohol. "I'm sorry. Bella, please."

I shake my head no, but my body arches against his hand that's feeling of my breasts outside my dress. His lips move and kiss down my neck. I squeeze my eyes tight, I don't want to see but I think I might want him to make me forget.

His exhales a warm gust of air exactly over my bra and my dress, making my nipple harden for him.

I feel him shift on the bed. I raise my arms to cross and cover both my eyes.

I feel his mouth open as he kisses my hip. He licks and nibbles a path above my red panties, pausing only to give extra attention to my belly button. My legs bend and straighten, not knowing whether to run, or to stay.

He stops when he reaches my other hip and lays his head down flat against my bare stomach. "I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry."

I can hear the regret in his voice, but it doesn't soothe my ache. My tears break free, but just barely. I feel them wet on my arms.

And as much as I don't want to, I tell him anyway, "Just stop," my voice cracking.

But he doesn't listen.

I feel his hands as they wrap around my wrists, pulling my arms away from my face. He lifts them over my head and holds them together with one hand.

I don't fight him. I don't have the strength... or the desire too.

His other hand comes to my cheek, "Bella, look at me."

I refuse with a shake of my head.

His lips kiss each of my closed eyes, "I'm sorry." His nose grazes my cheek. Then he chastely kisses me on the mouth and it's all I can do not to kiss him back.

His lips hover over mine as his hand slowly traces down my neck. Stopping minutely to tease my breast again before descending lower to my hip. I'm writhing now, my hands still held above my head.

My dress is tight against my chest as I wiggle in the bed. My body is in sensory overload.

I want him, but I don't.

I need him, but I shouldn't.

His fingers trace my wetness from the outside of my panties. My legs fall open giving him better access.

My mind battles. This should be wrong. This shouldn't be what we're doing now. I should kick his ass out of my bed.

But it feels so right, so right that I almost don't care anymore.

Maybe this is what it's about. Feeling so hurt that you have to be healed again. Being so angry that the fury that burns fuels the fire. It's push and pull, want and need, right and wrong, and the lines are blurred so much, they're all the same.

His lips kiss mine again, I barely open my lips to let him in. His hand is gone from in between my legs. He releases my wrists and then I hear his zipper open.

I finally look at him.

He still has his clothes on. His tie is pulled loose from around his neck. His white button up is un-tucked from his pants with only a few buttons open at the top. His black pants are pulled down just to his thighs and his hand is grabbing his cock and he's looking straight at me.

Suddenly, it's my turn. "Please Edward." I tug at his shoulders and pull him over me. The hand that was holding his cock, goes to the crotch of my underwear and yanks it over to the side.

My hips are moving on their own accord, seeking for him.

I feel him hard against me. My legs are bent around him. "Please, make me forget," I plead.

He stills and I swallow hard.

"Look at me," he whispers loudly.

I don't want to. It feels dangerous to give into him like this. I should stand up for myself. I should demand better.

But once my eyes focus on him. I see the tears that also fill his eyes. I see the worry in the wrinkles on his forehead and I forget it all. I forget that I'm mad and that he hurt me. That he didn't call. That he ruined this stupid holiday I didn't even like to begin with.

"I really am sorry," he whispers again.

This time, I kiss him.

He pushes into me, and my body rejoices.

It's fast and hard and wild. We both moan and grunt. I raise my arms above my head and he restrains them again with one hand.

I lift to meet him and his other arm curls around my back of my waist, pulling me in tighter, stronger to him.

I watch as his eyes watch me. The spring in my stomach tightens and knots. He squeezes his eyes shut and thrusts harder.

Too soon my spring releases as ecstasy floods over my body.

He continues to drive into me and soon grumbles a 'fuck, fuck, fuck'.

His hips twist a few more times, I feel his cock pulse inside me.

Then he collapses on his back beside me. I'm numb and full at the same time. I turn and lay my head on his chest, and his arm curls around my back.

His other hand comes up to smooth away my hair from my face. "I'm so sorry," he says and then kisses and rests his chin on the top of my head.

I tighten my fist into his shirt and shake my head. "Tomorrow."

I don't want to hear it now, he can break my heart again tomorrow.


	27. Chapter 27, I'm Yours

**Dialogue Flex:** "I'm yours," he murmured

* * *

The pain in my temples pulsate. I apply pressure with my fingertips but it doesn't help. Neither did the scalding hot shower, or the four ibuprofen I just took.

I awoke to an empty bed. All of Edward's belongings were still scattered about my floor, so I knew he didn't leave. At least not yet.

I'm still hurt and still confused, yet still so in love with him that it makes me sick.

He apologized so many times last night, I don't think I want to hear him say that anymore. I still just need something, but I don't even know what.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

He's sitting at the kitchen table. His head buried in his hand. I can tell his knuckles are white as he grips the long hair on the top of his scalp. He hasn't changed clothes, his white shirt is all wrinkled from sleeping in it and from what I can tell, his pants are too.

He doesn't hear me enter, so I stand motionless behind him and watch. His bare foot is flexed, his knee bouncing, and every so often his heel slaps the linoleum floor.

He shakes his head and mutters something I can't comprehend. I hate that it's like this. I find myself wanting to comfort him, yet I still feel like I was the one who was wronged. Go figure.

I make a little noise to announce myself as I walk over to the coffeemaker and start a pot. It busies me. But I still think about him.

Always.

"Hey," he speaks, and I turn to look at him. I know I look awful – all-post-wine-hangoverish with red, puffy eyes from being the big cry baby that I am.

But I see it, that look in his eyes. Either, I've shocked him with my appearance and he agrees wholeheartedly that I look like total shit, or he really is sorry. Then again, maybe it's regret I see.

My insides are in a complete spin. A million 'what-ifs' had plagued my thoughts yesterday. What if one of them was right? What if he was 'with' another woman? What would I do? What would I say?

Last night, I'd resolved that I wasn't standing for it. If that was what happened, I would stand up for myself, and not put up with being disrespected. But now, with him sitting here before me, I know I'm weak. I couldn't tell him to leave, no matter what.

I hate that too.

I turn back around and wait for the coffee pot to gurgle signaling it's finished so I can get a cupful. Like I said, I need something.

I hear his foot tapping the floor harder. Good. I hope he's nervous.

"Bella, will you please come and sit down so I can explain." His voice is quiet and pleading. I hear it all broken again. Evidently, my glue doesn't hold very well.

Slowly I turn and walk toward him, "Of course."

He blows out a long breath. "Look, I'm sorry about last night – I mean yesterday. I wanted to be here...with you. But you, you just... you have to understand, it was work and ...shit! It was supposed to be a small meeting with a few of us, then more people showed, and before I knew it, it was this big party..." His hands fly all over the place, and I watch him become so flustered. I know the defeat is painted all over my face, but he's not making it any better.

"I tried to leave a few times, then someone else would grab my attention, and get me another drink. Before I knew it, it was too late for us to have dinner, and I felt so... God, I feel like such a prick."

I look away, because I can't lie and tell him it's okay. Even though soon enough, I know I'll forgive and forget about it. I won't hold it against him, but it still aches in my chest. I'm sad and mad and scared and relieved all at the same time.

"I really am sorry Bella, but sometimes it's just going to be this way. I told you, I never wanted to hurt you and I know that's exactly what I did, but..." He slowly shakes his head, and stares at his hands that are folded together on the table. I still feel his knee bouncing under the table. "When I came home and saw you in the bed. In that dress. Holy shit."

"Edward," I try to smile, "it's okay. I hate Valentines Day anyway. It's...it's no big deal."

His hands reach out for mine and pull them away from my cup. "Don't say that. I saw the candles. I could smell the dinner. The roses. The dress. And you cried Bella. You cried over it."

I shrug. "You're right about all that. I did cry, and I'll probably cry again over you. More than once. It's what girls do. Most of them anyway. It's what I'll do for sure Edward. I will cry. You hurt my feelings, it is what it is." I feel my emotions ballooning in my throat again.

He squeezes my hands in his. "Why would you cry? Was it because of our date? That I missed Valentines day? Why?"

I scoff. "Seriously?" I try to pull my hands away but he won't let mine go. "It's everything. You didn't call. I wasn't important enough at least for a call or a text? You didn't even attempt to spend any time with me. I was so disappointed." My voice is feeble and soft.

"And it hurt. It hurt my feelings." I tell him honestly. He begins to rub over my fingers, his touch is warm and comfort. I missed it. I always miss it when he's gone.

Suddenly I can't stop the truth from escaping from my thoughts, "And I couldn't stop thinking about you... you being with someone else. I-" He cuts me off and shushes me. He quickly gets up and comes over to my chair. He squats down on his knees and wraps his arms around my waist. His head falls in my lap.

"Don't think that ever. I'll never cheat on you. I swear." His hands are rubbing up and down my back. He kisses the top of my thigh on the outside of my yoga pants before he lays his head back down flat in my lap.

I'm stunned. I don't know what to say.

"Promise me no matter what you won't ever think that. No matter how far away I am, three blocks or three thousands miles. How ever long it's been since I saw you last, two hours or four months. I'm yours, Bella. In every sense of the word. I'm yours," he murmured.


	28. Chapter 28, Giving

**Word Prompt: **giving

* * *

I don't prod Edward anymore about his actions on that wretched holiday. I don't want to know. I'm pretty sure that's a sign of weakness on my part. That I'd rather be stupid with love, than smart with knowledge.

I don't care.

The next few days after that he doted on me like I was priceless. I loved it. He walked me to my classes, he appeared at my door as soon as class was over. He brought me hot chocolate topped with whipped cream, or a tall ice filled cup of half sweetened/half unsweetened tea.

I don't stay mad at him for long.

I realize no one is perfect, not even Edward Cullen. He has his hang ups and drawbacks. As I do too.

I thought he might blow a fuse the first time he saw me walking down the corridor with Jacob Black. Yes, Jacob is over-friendly and super cute, but I've never thought of him that way. He's a really good study partner, since even before I met Edward and he's my friend.

I could feel the tension roll of Edward as I introduced them. His jaw bones were flexing, and the smile on his lips was straight and fake as the day is long. Jacob being the clueless one he is, didn't even notice that Edward seemed to want to smash his face.

I thanked Jacob for walking me and turned to kiss Edward on the cheek. Of course, he had other plans as he grabbed my face in his hands and practically sucked my lips off, not that I'm complaining. It was a pissing contest, Edward was staking his claim, I get it. And I may have liked it a little too much.

That night at Alice's when Edward's phone rang, for the first time ever he seemed hesitant to take the call. He walked outside as he listened, just nodding his head and frowning a lot.

He came back in with his shoulders slumped forward.

"What is it Edward?" Alice asked.

"It's an earthquake in Chile. I have to go." His eyes darted from Alice and then back to me.

He took off in the direction of his bedroom. I followed close behind.

"So, what does that mean?" I ask. He was hastily throwing things in his suitcase.

"It means I'm going to miss the hell out of you," he stated sharply. He wouldn't meet my eyes. Then he picked up his camera bag and rifled through its contents. I sat down on his bed and watched him.

"How long?" I ask because I need to know, even though I don't want to.

"A month, at least. Maybe longer." He takes a deep breath and steadily blows it out. "The cab will be here any minute. I have to take a private jet to get there as soon as I can."

"Damn." I whisper as I pick at the pillow that I'd pulled over into my lap.

As soon as he's done packing, we hear a honk outside. Alice announces his taxi is here to take him to the airport.

Our goodbye is short and rushed. He seems distant and upset. He promises he'll be in touch but barely mumblea a word as he leaves.

I stand in Alice's hall and stare at his pictures. I wonder if I'll ever be able to complete with them. If I'll ever be important enough to pull him away from _them_.

She walks up and stands beside me. "Don't take it personal Bella. It's a big part of who Edward is."

I nod but I feel betrayed. "He must really need the money," I say sarcastically.

"Actually, he doesn't need the money at all, nor does he do it for the money. He works for very cheap, and sells his prints for next to nothing. That's another reason he's in such high demand." She says it like it's nothing, instead of it being very important.

Alice steps closer to the next picture and I follow her. I'm confused. "I don't understand."

"Edward's a very rich man, Bella. His birth mother left him everything when she died. Edward will never have to work if he doesn't want to. She left him her royalties, all her properties, her large bank account. Edward was hurt by that for a long time. Finally, he began to understand that it was the one thing she felt like she could do for him. Maybe that's even the reason she killed herself."

Alice is quiet and sorrowful as she speaks. "Edward gives a lot of his riches away. He's a avid supporter of so many charities and organizations. He donates his time, his money, his services, whatever. But you didn't hear this from me Bella, it's one of those things he hates for people to know about. He considers E.A. Masen to be the rich man, not Edward Cullen. You get it?" She asks and I nod in agreement.

But I read so much more into than that, and the thing that I can't seem to get over is that he doesn't have to do this. He doesn't have to leave me day in and day out. He could choose to stay.

And he doesn't.


	29. Chapter 29, Sweets

**Word Prompt**: Sweets

* * *

After Edward's quick departure, I feel uneasy. It just doesn't settle well in my heart.

But I refuse to be that girl, the one that's consistently pitiful over a guy. Regardless if the guy is the love of your life or not, and I'll admit it's kind of liberating to decide to be strong. Independent. Self-reliant.

I'd gone almost twenty years without him, a month or two wasn't going to kill me.

But there are certain moments when I could actually feel how much I miss him, the ache is so real and very present. The only love in my past I could relate it to was how I loved my father, and since his accident how much I had miss him.

It's different, but the same.

It's during those quiet hours in the night, when I am the only one lying in my bed, that the ping of missing him throbs through my bones.

It's when I see Rose and her boyfriend sitting around on the couch, or eating at the table, or just holding hands, that I have to look away because Edward's not here with me.

The hurt is so there every time I visit Alice that I almost don't want to go. His pictures sometimes mock me. Uneasy reminders that they are his life, not me.

So I have to remind myself that I'm one tough cookie and the world still spins even when Edward Cullen is gone and away from me.

Most of the time it works.

I thought about how selfish it is of me to be angry and hurt that Edward still goes and works his 'jobs' even though he doesn't have to. Was I really so self centered that I expect him to choose me and forget about his passion? His life?

I weigh it out often, and think about what if the shoe was on the other foot.

I wouldn't like it one bit.

For example, I wouldn't like it if Edward wanted me to quit school to travel with him, never once accounting in my wants or desires.

But... I think I'd do it.

_Shit, that's pathetic._

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

Rosalie's waiting for me on the couch. It's a Friday night, she should be out with her man, instead she's staying home and eating raw cookie dough with me.

She picks us out a couple of movie's and we snuggle on the couch under the covers. We eat a few Pringles every so often to achieve the correct balance of sweets and salt, it's a delicate thing.

The night's still young, we're settled and snug on the couch watching a scary movie. We have the lights out to enhance our fear. We giggle a lot, and I don't think about missing Edward.

Even though I do miss him.

The room grows quiet, and we both scream when someone knocks at the front door. We both sit motionless and listen.

They knock again, and we laugh instead of scream.

I pause the movie as she gets up and answers the door.

She comes back into the living room carrying a box of chocolates and shiny balloon. Her face is pale and her eyes are narrowed.

"What is that?" I ask. Valentine's day was three weeks ago.

"It's for Edward," she says, hard and soft at the same time.

My heart skips. "What?"

"That was, um...the limo driver who said he brought him home from his meeting?" She shrugs and then continues, "He said that Ms. Denali asked him to deliver this to wherever Edward was staying and he assumed it was here, well, because this is where he dropped him off..."

"Hand it to me!" I say too harshly and mean.

There's a card, a balloon that says 'thanks', and a small box of 'genuine Swiss chocolates.'

Have I mentioned how much I hate balloons?

I hold the offending items in my hand. I am beyond pissed.

I turn the card over, it's not sealed, the edge of the envelope is just tucked inside itself. I could read it and he'll never know.

What should I do?


	30. Chapter 30, Stars

**Word Prompt**: Astrology

* * *

I take the offending items and hide them away in my room, and return to finish watching the movie with Rosalie.

I try and concentrate on what's happening on the television, but instead all I can think about is what's in my room, setting on my desk, calling out to me.

Dangit!

Rose soon falls asleep on the couch, I glance at the clock, it's a little after eleven in the evening.

I'm not the least bit sleepy, but I venture into my bedroom anyway.

I quietly shut my door and lean up against it. I stare hardcore at that... that thing setting over there. It's ugly. And unwanted. And it's making me feel pathetic which I'd already convinced myself I wasn't going to be. I want to stab it, punch it, cause it pain. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I angrily jerk the covers off my bed and carry them outside. I wrap them around my body like a cocoon, and lay down as comfortably as possible in the long swing that hangs at the edge of the porch.

The sky is clear tonight, and I take refuge in the dark abyss. The stars are shining and beautiful and so sure of themselves as they sparkle and glow. I seek out the small and big dipper just as I've always done.

And soon enough, I calm down. I chastise myself because I want to be trusting and have faith, and be confident. I want to be a woman who knows what she knows, and doesn't always question everything. I want to be brave, and be sure of things.

I recall sitting outside under the night sky with my father one of many, many times, and him telling me that when he was a young boy he had once told his mother he wanted to study astrology when he grew up.

His mother laughed at him and told him not to be silly and that he didn't even know what that was. He had laughed at the memory, and I had to ask him, 'well, what it is?'

He looked down at me, and then back up to the sky, and told me that she was right. He'd easily confused astrology with astronomy. He had wanted to study the stars and their formation and placement in the atmosphere, not study how the stars influenced people and their daily living. 'Not that crazy Zodiac nonsense' – his exact words.

I told him I was confused, and he promised that one day I'd understand. Then he said that astronomy to the selfish **was** astrology, and that something so magnificent would never be about one single person's well being and fate. And then he told me not to worry about it, and to just love the stars and the moon and I'd never be fearful of the night.

He was so right.

I pull my blanket in tighter and just relax and gaze into the sky. My eyelids become too heavy to hold open as I lie and wonder how long the stars will watch me sleep.

* * *

_Astronomy to the selfish becomes astrology. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson_


	31. Chapter 31, Cooking

**Word Prompt**: Cooking

* * *

Early the next morning, I busy myself with chores, and then call Alice to come over and have a late lunch with Rosalie and I. They haven't met yet, but I'm guessing they'll get along perfectly.

I go online and search for something new to cook us. Cooking's a little hobby of mine, I just hate the cleanup afterward.

I decide while I've got the computer on, I might as well check my email. There's a couple of forwards from my mother, so annoying.

There's one with no subject line, but the return email is EAMasen.

My fingers tremble, and my heart skips a few beats. It's got to be from Edward.

I glance over at the hideous balloon, I still want to punch it... but Edward emailed me.

Me.

So, some where in the balance of things, this has to be a good sign.

I mouse over the email and press enter to open it. There's a picture attached so it takes a second to load.

_**Bella, **_

_**A pearl of wisdom for you..**_..

"_**Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful."**_

_**I miss you. **_

_**I can't wait to see you again, **_

_**E Cullen**_

My eyes tear up as I read his note over and over again. Each time I read over it, something else jumps out at me, and I smile and sniff and snot and then I read it again.

The picture soon loads completely.

The tears are now running down my face so fast that I can't keep up to wipe them away, so I just let them roll and fall down onto my shirt.

It's a new picture, I'm assuming from Chile where the earthquake was. The sun's bright in the distance, but up close and center is what's left of a house, and now nothing there but rubble. I can make out a chair, and a few steps remaining of a stairway that now leads to nothing. I even see some bricks that are still stacked and standing resembling a broken fireplace.

But in the midst of the debris and destruction, right dab in the middle of it all is an older man. His long, gray hair is pulled back into a ponytail that lies down his back. In his arms is a woman, similar build, same dark complexion, her hair just as long and white. Their arms are tangled around the other, they're holding on to what they have left – each other. And you can see the smile on her face as her chin rests on his shoulder. Her face is dirty, yet right down the center of both her cheeks is a wet trail from her tears, the dust and dirt long cried away.

I go back up and read his script again.

Suddenly, the card and the balloon and the expensive chocolates don't offend me so much anymore.

* * *

(The quote is from Buddah)


	32. Chapter 32, Delivery

**Multimedia Share:** Delivery man

* * *

Alice, Rosalie, and I are sitting at the table laughing at Alice's impersonations. She does a few, but she doesn't do any of them very good.

Just now, she tried to sound like Chandler's annoying girlfriend, Janice from the television show Friends.

Rose almost falls out of her seat. She stands crossing her legs, and cries for us to stop because she has to go pee. She stays half bent over as she makes a run for it.

Alice picks up the blender jar and swishes around the last bit of margaritas from the bottom to pour into her glass. "It's emmmmpteee," she tries to imitate Janice again.

"Oh hush, I'll make some more." I take the jar and stand and realize I need to pee too.

… _**~{sYa}~ …**_

When I exit from the bathroom, Alice and Rosalie are standing in my bedroom. They were whispering something but they quiet as soon as I walk in. Alice is holding Edward's delivery and she raises her eyebrows at me.

"What's this?" She points at her other hand. Her head is bobbing like crazy, and she seems angry. I think it's the first time I've ever seen her mad. It's sort of cute.

I shrug, "You tell me."

"What?" She cackles this evil sound and I cringe. I hope to never cross her.

Then I see it in slow motion as she sets down the balloon and the box. She jerks open the red envelope, and pulls out the card. My mouth falls open in shock

She... I... Wait...Oh no.

Her eyes narrow and her lips pucker.

Crap. That can't be good.

I might throw up.

"Weeellll..." she draws out.

I cover my eyes, I don't want to know.

Yes, yes I do. My hands fall down to my lap.

No, no I don't. I cover my face with my hands again.

Then I slowly peek through my fingers.

She pulls her phone from her back pocket. My eyes bug out. Is she... is she calling Edward?

She dials, and I'm not nervous because I don't think he'll answer. He's too busy doing... stuff.

"_Edward... Hey, you got a minute?"_

Shit. He answered.

"_I'm holding an interesting package for you here at Bella's."_ she says sharply.

The room is spinning. I fall back on my bed.

"_Yes. There's a box of chocolates and ...a balloon.. and this cute little card."_ She flips the card against her thigh as she talks. She goes into the story of how the delivery came to my house and all.

I hate only hearing one side of the conversation.

"_I already did."_

Rose sits down beside me and I prop up on my elbows and watch the crazy unfold around me.

"_It says: Edward, Can't wait to get started with you again. We had a blast the other night, huh? Keep In touch. T." _

She smirks after she finishes reading it.

"_I agree, you need to tell her that things like this are inappropriate."_

She nods, and does that head shake thing again.

"_Yes, Bella's here... Sure."_

She wiggles her eyebrows and hands me the phone.

I can't move. Crap. I don't know what to say to him. We don't talk on the phone very often.

Somehow my arm reaches for the cell anyway and before I know it, it's hot against my ear. "H-hello?" I sound scared.

"Hey baby. How are you?" His voice is like aloe on my burn. My whole body relaxes and my heart, it takes flight again.

"I'm fine," I stand and leave the room searching for privacy. "I just.. I just miss you." I say as I walk out the front door onto the porch.

"You have no idea Bella, I miss you too. I can't wait to see you again."

I smile like a dork. "How much longer?"

"A week and a half maybe. Things are winding down. Soon. Will you pick me up at the airport?"

He sounds so unsure of himself. Or maybe of me? Of us? Anyway, that's just silly.

"Just tell me when." I refrain from dancing around the porch.

"Please don't think nothing of that shit she sent. I'll explain it later. It really is nothing. I promi-"

I cut him off. "Edward, you don't have to explain. I trust you."

And I don't say what else I'm thinking, _'or at least I want to.'_


	33. Chapter 33, Come Here

**Dialogue Flex:** "Come here," she ordered.

* * *

_**I dedicate this chapter to Natalie, it's her birthday and since she lives 5+ hours away, I won't be seeing her soon enough. So this is all I have. Happy Birthday sweets!**_

_(Oh yeah, it's **EDWARD** )_

Sometimes you feel so much, the emotions blend and erase. They crash and twist. They scream and then hide. Soon, you can't even define them. You don't know which feelings are good and which are bad. They just are, and the only thing you know for sure is that you... feel.

I sit on the airplane and my knee bounces in anticipation. Thank goodness the seat next to me is empty, I'd probably drive a person bat-shit crazy.

"_We should approach Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport within the hour..." _The voice bellowing from the speakers is rich and calm.

But it does nothing for my nerves.

I never meant for this to happen. My plan was to ghost through my life living through my pictures, finding joy in the simplest of things. Making unfortunate children smile and capturing the beauty of life in still form to be treasured 'til the end of days.

I didn't want to fall in love, and I know that some days I still don't. It's easy to busy myself, and let the hours pass without thinking about her. But come that quiet time it proves very difficult to ever pause and rest, then all I see is deep browns and warm smiles. Gentle touches and passionate eyes. Questioning glances and unsure words.

My heart flutters and the pit of my chest that clenches when I think of never seeing her again, makes itself known, and I know I'm already passed surrendering. Love has already claimed me. The only other winding path to turn away and follow will cause never ending pain, to me and to her.

Then I'd get to know what it was like to have loved and then lost. I'm not so sure I can endure that. Once you've experienced love, the feeling becomes branded into your soul. Without it, the soul weakens and mourns, and maybe it even dies a little.

Who wants that?

I close my eyes and let the feelings roll. I'm not sure what to expect after everything that's when down since I left. In the five weeks I've been gone, my world could be shifting and caving, things may have happened to make a person reevaluate things and change their mind.

And that person is not me.

… **_~{sYa}~ …_**

I see her standing by the baggage claim. Every few seconds she looks up and reads the marquee, it says my plane has landed on schedule. She huffs, and then reaches up to rearrange her hair. Soon after she looks down, bites her lip, and kicks at the floor. Then she starts the process all over again.

I stand and watch. The tingle zinging through my blood is toxic. It's fear and admiration and desire topped with want and need and life all rolled up into one.

I could live off of it, there's no other comparison to it. It's feeling everything all over again, and the bad doesn't matter anymore.

I realize the bumps in the road are minor and necessary. The distance grows the love, and the feeling of pleasure comes at the time of being together again. The ache of missing, the long of waiting, and the relief that washes over me in the second she's in my arms, is worth it all.

I take the long way around to put myself just in her sites, and I resist the urge wave, or to go to her. I just wait. I try to not even blink, because I don't want to miss that moment that she sees me, when her eyes meet mine.

I so want a picture of that.

My breath shudders as I wait. I count the rise and fall of my chest, not taking my eyes away from her.

..Eighteen..

..Nineteen..

Then she sees me.

Her body goes from pliable to rigid to soft again. Her smiles grows. Her eyes sparkle. The rest of the world fades. I see love and consolation. The award and the prize.

"Come here," she orders.

And I go.

My feet moving fast taking me to her. My arms tug and reach and hold. Tight.

Once again words are hard, some things can't be described, they just have to be felt.

"You're back." she whispers into the skin of my neck.

"You know it's only you that calls me back here. I can't not come back."


	34. Chapter 34, Candy

**Word Prompt**: Candy

* * *

Edward walks straight into my room and looks around for the 'thing.' It's there, right beside my computer, as ugly and rude as ever.

He shakes his head as he picks it up. Then he holds it out away from his body like it has cooties. He quickly walks out of my room and out the front door.

I quicken my steps to follow him in wonder, I haven't the slightest idea what he's doing.

That is until I see him reach for the lid to the garbage can at the curb.

"You're going to just throw it away? Candy and all?" I yell.

He looks at me, and then at the garbage, and then back at me. "Do you want it?" he asks with his face twisted in disgust.

"No! Of course not I just..." I stumble with my words because I'm not sure what I expected him to do with it. "Just throw it away!" I laugh, that's where it belongs, in the trash! Stupid, offensive, piece of crap.

I skip out the driveway on the concrete and jump into his arms as soon as he replaces he lid. "Thank you." I kiss him all over his face and wrap my legs around his waist.

Both his hands grab my butt and squeeze. "If that's all it takes, I'll throw things away more often."

I hold on tight as he carries me back into the house. "It actually takes less than that." I honestly say because really _him_ just being _here_ works me up.

"Is that so?" He grins and cocks his head back to look me in the face.

"Mmm hmm." I wiggle my eyebrows. I lean toward him to lick on his ear like I know he likes. My hands are winding in his hair and I know where we're headed. The familiar creak in my door, followed by a slam with his foot, and a twist of a lock, and then I'm sailing through the air as he throws me down onto my bed.

I giggle and start to strip. He stares at me and sheds his clothes. The hairs on my arm raise in excitement, goosebumps cover my skin. I missed this.

The things this man does to me without really doing anything!

He gets on the bed on his knees and crawls over to suspend above me.

His eyes, they look at me so carefully, the look is hard and soft at the same time.

His touch, I feel treasured and adored. I don't know whether to cry or rejoice.

He lowers to kiss me, and I have to close my eyes as his lips open, and I feel the passion pour into me.

He shifts lower, his kiss covering my skin like silk, blanketing me in desire. I scratch his shoulders, his neck, his arms. I grab at his hair and hold on.

His mouth finds my belly button, his palms trace the silhouette of my waist, down to the outside of my thighs.

His lips cascade further to find me wet and wanting. He parts my heat and devours me. My body unable to be still, writhes and scrunches up the sheets underneath us.

I can't speak.

I'm lucky I can breathe.

He add fingers and kisses and hums and...yes!

I just know that this is pretty amazing. He can camp out down there if he wants, as long as he doesn't stop.

Then he nibbles, and I crash.

But it's the good kind of crash because time stands still.

I almost yell to the heavens how much I love this man, but since the ability to speak has temporarily left me, I don't.

He sits up all smug and proud.

I still want him. I have a need somewhere inside me, maybe it's tangled with all my other needs, but I long to have him fill me, deep inide of me. Only me. Not even what he just did can quench that thirst.

I meet him in the center of the bed. I push at him to lie down.

I straddle him and feel him hard against my stomach, I feel powerful. In control.

I stroke him a few times before I raise up only to quickly lower onto him. I still my movements and kiss him. I taste my tart all over his mouth. It only fuels my fire.

That's me on his lips. That's him buried in me. That's my name he's whispering. Me. Him. Me. Him. Edward. Bella.

Bella.

Edward.

He's mine.


	35. Chapter 35, VIP

**Scenario:** You and a friend go out dancing at a new club. The bouncer invites you to follow him into the VIP section. It's not what you expect... (I used my (non-existent) artist creative license on this one and made it fit)

* * *

We lie in my bed facing each other, the room is silent, and the only dim light is supplied by the moon.

We touch –legs, hands, feet– just enough to reassure us both that we're together again.

I have a lot bottled up in me, there are questions that only he can answer, yet I'm too nervous to ask. It makes me feel weak and insecure.

Then he shifts his head, his eyes look at me so tenderly, that it gives me hope that the answers I seek will be satisfying.

So I ask, "What happened that night?" I ignore the feeling of my heart racing, and my skin prickling with nervousness.

"Hmmm?" He scoots closer and squeezes my hand.

"Valentine's day? Who is she?" I search his profile for something, anything, a prelude of what he's about to tell me.

"Well," he looks straight at me, his eyes penetrate mine. I think he's searching my face too. "Tanya's someone I work a lot with. I have from the start. We've had our ups and down, but..."

The uneasiness rips through my chest and settles in my gut.

"We're just friends. She has this... she likes to push me. We once, um–we dated a few times, it just didn't work out. She seems to know no boundaries and I've never, ya' know..."

I shake my head, because excuse me, no, I don't know.

"I've never had anyone for her to... offend." He looks at me harder, deeper. He raises my hand to his lips and kisses it.

His eyes are pleading. "I'm sorry. She shouldn't have done that, but in her defense, she didn't know."

I know that's supposed to make me feel better, but it doesn't. It actually hurts, she didn't know about me –about us.

I nod anyway.

"So what happened? Why were you out so late." My voice quivers as a few tears make their appearance known.

"Baby don't. It wasn't like that. Time got away from me. Nothing happened. I swear. I was there, she was there. About thirty other people were there. You believe me right?"

"Yeah," I answer defeated. I do believe , and for the most part I trust him.

And as for the other part, I just don't care.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

I wake to an empty bed and a note;

_Call me as soon as you get up._

_XO ~E_

I grab my phone off the night stand and dial his number. He picks up on the first ring.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"Good morning yourself, handsome."

"Sorry to leave you, but I got a call for a last minute meeting, and then tonight, there's this thing..." he pauses and I get nervous and aggravated at the same time. "I want you to meet me there."

I almost drop the phone from my ear, "What?"

He laughs, "Please come. Meet me there."

I'm stunned silent, he's never took me out, like out-out.

"Sure. Of course. Yeah, yes! I'll go. What-"

He cuts me off and tells me Alice will call me with all the details. "I'll see you in a bit. Bye."

"Bye," I whisper even though I think he's already hung up.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

I sit in a limo by myself. He sent a car for me. HE SENT A CAR FOR ME! This is a life I could get used to.

Alice said to wear something dressy. She and Jasper would be joining us sometime in the evening. The 'thing' is at a ritzy club in Buckhead. Edward would already be there waiting in the VIP lounge. She said it was a party for a recent production Edward took some stills for. I didn't ask what. I was too busy trying to wrap my little head around it all.

I hear a buzzing sound, and the partition window rolls down. The limo driver turns to me and apologizes, there's some road construction and we'll be a little late.

I just nod and shrug because really, what can I do. I send Edward a quick text updating him on my whereabouts.

He doesn't text back.

Then I think back about what I did today and it sours my mood a little.

I Googled him. And then I Googled Tanya and Denali productions.

I wish I hadn't. There wasn't too much on the internet about Edward Cullen, but E. A. Masen had quite a bit of information available. It was all about his work, and awards, and donations. There were a few pictures, but not many, but out of all the ones I found, only two of them did NOT include her, Tanya.

They had their picture took together a lot. Always posing, and smiling, and looking all pretty.

She was total Hollywood, and had money written all over her. She had model-worthy looks, and a body that could give the Sports Illustrated Magazine record sales if she graced the cover.

I couldn't compare with her, not even on my best day, so I wouldn't try.

I will just take Edward's word that he doesn't want her and they're just friends.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

Soon enough, the car door opens. I look around, and it looks like we're in a back alley.

"Ms. Swan," the drivers says as he reaches for my hand. I feel bad that I didn't ask his name. "This is the rear entrance where Mr. Masen suggested I drop you at."

"Yes, thank you." I follow his lead to the back door. When it opens, the muted music from inside spills out. A lady with short blonde slick-backed hair wearing a suit asks my name as the driver closes the door behind me and leaves.

She searches for my name on a clipboard and then nods and says for me to follow her.

I do in awe. It's a whole other world. We ascend a staircase to what looks like a separate club from the one below. She opens the door and motions for me to enter, "Your party is in here. Enjoy."

Then she turns and leaves. I'm alone in a sea of strangers. I scan frantically for Edward. I almost want to leave, being this uncomfortable is too...uncomfortable.

I look down and open my clutch to pull out my phone and text him, when I catch a glimpse of golden hair swirl, I freeze. It's her. Tanya.

Right beside her is Edward. They're laughing. Her hand is curled around his bicep. My heart drops and shatters. The butterflies in my stomach erupt into a craze of madness. She reaches up to whisper in his ear. He raises his beer bottle to take a drink as he dips his head to listen.

I can't move.

My eyes shift just to his other side and I see Alice. She's watching me with a look on her face of something I can only describe as pity with a dash of heartbreak.

She says something to Edward. His head whips around and I don't even smile at him. I don't want to be here a second longer.

I turn to leave, but the crowd has multiplied. My escape is impossible.

* * *

Don't hate, appreciate.

P.S. I've partied in Buckhead (ATL) a few times, it is A WHOLE OTHER WORLD!


	36. Chapter 36, Kiss You All Over

**Audio-Visual Challenge—Musical Mastery:** "I Wanna Kiss You All Over" by Exile (the original song will be linked on my profile)

* * *

Shit!

I stomp my foot and take in a deep breath. I glance around for another door to exit. My eyes fall back to the door in front of me and I see a dark-haired girl open it and leave. And I don't know why it happens, or why in that very second I remember, but I do.

"_Never forget that on any given day, you could step out one single door, and your whole life could change forever."_

I could run and hide, be hurt and feeble, not stand up for myself, but I don't want that. It was me running out of a door that lead me to be here in the first place. A door gave me Edward, and love, and friendship, and happiness, and so much more.

What would I loose if I opened that door again? Would I let it all out?

I don't think I want to take that chance. So I stand tall and proud, adjust my dress, and tuck my clutch under my arm. After all, Edward asked and wanted ME here.

I turn to walk back in his direction only to smash my face into a very hard chest.

It's hurts like a bitch, but I sigh despite the pain, I'd know that cologne anywhere.

Edward's hands catch my arms, "Bella?" He pulls back to inspect my face. I wiggle my nose, and he smiles at me so big, I feel it in my toes.

"Were you leaving?" His eyes narrow as his thumb swipes over my nose. His thumb lowers to my lips and lightly touches, his eyes dart from my mouth to my eyes.

"I don't belong here." The words are tougher to say than they were to think.

He doesn't skip a beat, "Yes you do. You belong with me."

I want to pout and argue, but I want him to be right too. I want to punch ol' Goldie over there for hanging on my man. I want us to just leave and be alone, that we can do so well.

Yet it all boils down to the fact that yes, I do belong with him. To him. Whatever.

His hands cup my cheeks and his face lowers to mine. My eyes close and my lips tingle. He kisses me just as magically as he always does. Our audience simply a mirage, the world fades, and it's just us.

His hands drop to my waist and his lips pull away, he plants a small kiss on the tip of my nose, "Sorry 'bout that."

I shake my head as he takes my hand and leads me to his table. It's now or never. I can do this.

Alice and Jasper both hug me and say hello. Alice stays close to my side. Her eyes show me that she cares, and I bet she'd apologize if we were alone.

Edward orders me a drink and too soon, Goldie walks toward us. I'll be damned if Edward doesn't yell at her to come over to us. My stomach churns.

"Tanya, THIS is Bella." I look at his face as he talks. His eyes are so animated. His eyebrows tell a story all their own. His arm is around my waist and he pulls me in tighter as he talks.

"Really?" she asks very excitedly. "Bella, it's my pleasure. I'm so glad to finally meet Edward's girlfriend."

My mouth goes dry, and I think I might fall over from shock when she hugs me. I give her back a one-handed pat, not releasing my hold on Edward.

Then those words sink in.

Edward's girlfriend.

I'm sure that somewhere an angel gets it's wings, a unicorn is born, and a falling star zips through the sky all at the same time – because that is a wish come true.

She just stands there with us and they talk. It's about business, and movies, and boring stuff. Nothing is inappropriate except for the way her hands touch him all the time. I don't discount that he's holding on to me, never her. After all, I am his GIRLFRIEND!

I watch as she drinks, and touches, and drinks more, and touches more. Then she's touching m,e and reaching for my hands, and feeling of my hair.

Thank goodness for the few drinks that I've had that stop me from stomping on her foot or swatting her like a fly.

We join Alice and Jasper back at the table. Everything is going wonderfully. Edward never leaves my side. He always has his hands on me, sometimes it's naughty, sometimes it's not.

I keep a good eye on Tanya as she mingles. I notice that she touches everyone, not just my Edward. When I see her lick some other guy's face, I retract my claws out of Edward's arm, just a little.

I hate to admit it, but as the night carries on, I kinda enjoy Tanya. She's funny and smart, or maybe it's because of the drink that seems to stay filled in my hand, but I don't hate her so much anymore.

She seems harmless.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

My shoes are beside Alice's kicked under our table. We've taken up to dancing right there at our table with Jasper and Edward close by.

The alcohol has made my blood run warm, and my lips numb and tingly. I couldn't stand still if my life depended on it.

A familiar song begins to play, except it's mixed with a hip hop beat. I think about my daddy playing this 45 album. He'd grab my mom and dance with her through the house.

I feel Edward's hands on my back before I see him. He walks around me, circling my waist, and pulls me flush with him. I laugh and ignore the warm fuzzies that course through my veins.

We slowly dip and circle, his lips wet against my ear. He begins to sing the words and I begin to burn.

_"When I get home, babe, gonna light your fire. All day, I've been thinkin' about you, babe. You're my one desire. Gonna wrap my arms around you, hold you close to me. Oh, babe, I wanna taste your lips, I wanna fill your fantasy_."

I pull back just enough to look at his face, he continues to sing.

"_I don't what I'd do without you, babe, don't know where I'd be. You're not just another lover. No, you're everything to me."_

We've almost stopped dancing. Our bodies are pulled tight to each other, almost as one. I mimic his move, I mouth the words as they belt from the speakers.

_"Every time I'm with you, baby. I can't believe it's true. When you're layin' in my arms and you do the things you do. You can see it in my eyes, I can feel it in your touch. You don't have to say a thing just let me show how much." _

His eyes smolder, I should tell him I'm already melting_. _As the song breaks out into the chorus, we both sing aloud_. _

_"Love you, need you, yeah. I wanna kiss you all over and over again..." _

I tip toe and kiss him. I realize I said the L word to him. It was in a song, but I meant it, and I hope that maybe he did too. Even if it's just a little.

I pull away and rest my forehead on his chest, I continue to say the words even though I'm sure he can't hear me.

_"Stay with me, lay with me,  
Holding me, loving me, baby,  
Here with me, near with me,  
Feeling you close to me, baby."_


	37. Chapter 37, Mounds

**Multimedia Share:** Mounds

* * *

The next few weeks fly by. I'm busy with school, and Edward's always working, but somehow we find time to spend together, even if it's just a little.

There are no more Tanya incidents, or packages delivered to my house.

I don't bring up that night we went out, but it I think about it a lot. I was introduced to his other life, it was like a merger of all things of him with simple me.

Neither of us discuss how we practically sang the big-time four letter declaration. I'm quite happy with the way we are now. It's like I know how he feels without him having to say it aloud, it's more like I can feel it from him, and if my intuition's wrong, what harm am I causing?

Last night I over heard him talking to Alice about her helping him find a house to buy. It makes me curious, and very excited.

I want to ask him about it so bad. Is he or is he not?

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

"Rise and shine, sweet girl of mine." He tickles down my side, and I swat his hand away without opening my eyes.

"What time is it?" I peek. "It's still dark!" I groan and roll over to my stomach. His hands take their turn lightly scratching up and down my back. "Mmmm, come back to bed." I blindly reach out for him.

The bed dips to the left with his weight. He straddles my back and continues to tickle it. "I've got better plans."

I moan deep, my face mushed in the pillow. He leans forward and his hands move to my hair. "Come with me today."

I'm barely awake. "Where?"

"I have a local shoot."

My eyes pop open. _He's asking me to go? On a work related thing? Wow! This is... _I try and roll over, but I can't, his knees have me pinned.

"So whadda say?" He begins to poke my side.

I wiggle and scream as his fingers curl around my waist and he squeezes. "I gotta pee! STOP! Please, Yes! Yes!"

I feel his legs widen and I take advantage and roll over to face him. He brushes my hair out of my face with his fingers.

"Well?" He shrugs, his hands now resting on his thighs.

"I'd love to." My eyes begin to adjust to the light, allowing me to see his smile.

"Yeah?" He asks as his eyebrows raise.

Sometimes his boyish charm is too cute, I want to bottle it up and save it for a bad day.

"Yeah," I answer. "But please move so I can go to the bathroom."

"Hurry up." He smacks my butt as I crawl off the bed. I'm too happy to care because he's taking me to work with him today. It's like a milestone...another first, a step in the direction of more.

The past few weeks have been so good to us. We have a routine. There's a side of my bed he claims as his own. His toothbrush occupies the other hole in my toothbrush holder. His clothes have their own spot in the closet. He has a key to the front and back door, and he checks the mailbox. He knows what day and time the garbage truck comes by. He's aware that on Monday nights Rose and I always wash clothes and order pizza. Whether he's aware of it or not, he's part of my life now. A big part.

I want to ask him if he notices – if he feels this, because I'm pretty sure this is what forever feels like.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

I sit and watch as he snaps pictures all afternoon. We drove to an Indian mound in north Georgia. It's inside a state park, but there isn't anyone else here but us. He's taking pictures for a brochure. I think it's boring, but I wait patiently. I walk around and read the plaques about the history of the park. I admire the early spring flowers, and the squirrels that scurry everywhere, but mostly, I watch Edward.

He really does transform when he works. I notice the difference between him and E.A. Masen, and truthfully, Edward is more fun to be around but Masen, he's kinda intense and sexy.

I go to the car and pull out the blanket and bag of food we stopped at the store and picked up. I find us a level place to eat, open up the blanket, and set out the food.

Soon enough, he joins me. We eat and laugh, and I feel so perfect. This is all so right, that maybe even it's too good to be true. I hate that I feel apprehensive and unsure. I just want this to last, for a very long time, and I know I'm not guaranteed anything.

It's a fine line, losing yourself in your joy, yet keeping a level head. There's a level of self-preservation that you hope to maintain so if everything goes south, you can still live and function and breathe.

I fear I've already crossed that line.

He notices my worry and questions me.

I bury it down and show the happy. "It's nothing." I shake my head and smile. "I was just wondering, like, where do you live? I mean, where do you consider your home? No, I mean... crap." Nothing sounds right.

He laughs at me.

I snarl my nose, "I don't want you to take it the wrong way, I like you here with me, but I don't feel like it's ever permanent."

He looks at me and all the humor has left his face. "It's not."

I don't respond.

"Or it hasn't been, but all my mail still goes to my parent's home in Chicago. Does that help?"

I nod, "Yeah," but I still feel sad, defeated.

"But I was thinking, maybe I should finally look into buying a house somewhere."

I can tell he's trying not to smile.

"Really? Well, where would that be?" I bite my lip so my mouth can't give away my elation.

"It's still debatable." He's challenging me.

"Damn. What a decision you have to make." I'll take him up on that challenge.

He rises up on his knees and pulls me over on top of him. We fall back on the blanket as his hands bury in my hair. His mouth takes possession of my own, and his arms hold me close.

We make out until the sun begins to set and the chill in the air steals away the warmth.

The ride back home is quite and somber, but in a good way. I watch as the night overtakes the day. We leave the country side behind, and the city lights soon reflect off the window glass.

Then a question pops in my head, and I wonder if Edward thinks the same way I do. I turn in my seat to ask, "Don't you think it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?"

He nods his head but doesn't look at me, "Most definitely, and you know what? Maybe all we can do as we live is hope to end up with the right regrets."


	38. Chapter 38, Initiate

**Word Prompt: **Initiate

* * *

"Hey Edward. I was just calling you to tell you Mom overnight-ed you an envelope." I flip it over and inspect the other side. Nothing special.

"She did?" Edward mumbles something and then I hear Bella's voice fade away. A door open and shuts, and if I didn't hear him breathing, I'd think we got disconnected.

"Will you open it and tell me what it is, I mean, it might not be worth my time to even come over there."

I refrain from saying what's on my mind. My brother has a way of getting under my skin, by just... just being alive! It's not like I don't live fifteen minutes away and his schedule is so demanding he can't break away...

"Ouch!" I drop the phone and the envelope, and stick my finger in my mouth.

"Shit!" I pick them both back up, "paper cut," I sigh into the phone.

With aggravation I pull out the white envelope that's inside, carefully open it, and unfold the single sheet of paper.

I read it to myself.

_'Dear Mr. Cullen,_

_Thank you for your recent request to join our team with our next deployment. You have been chosen among a long list of applicants. As you already know it is an honor to be awarded this top secret contract to accompany the...'_

I slowly slink down to catch myself on the bar stool in the kitchen so I don't fall.

_He got it! Holy..._

"What is it Alice?" he whines and startles me, I forgot I had him on the line.

"Wait!" I shout. _I'm not sure..._

I turn and look for the envelope this paper came out of. Sure enough the return address is Washington D.C. and there's a fancy stamp on it.

"Edward, you need to come and see this."

"Alice, just tell me." I hear the frustration in his voice, _if he only knew._

"Listen, this once, just trust me and get over here as soon as you can. Please." I try to sound serious, because I kind of am.

He huffs, "I'll come over as soon as Bella leaves for class."

"K, bye." I lay my phone down on the counter.

I stare down at the paper and envelope in my hand.

I'm not sure how he's going to take this. Timing sure can be a mean bitch.

I fold it back up and take it into what he considers his room. I lay it on his dresser, stacking it all up just right.

He's wanted this for so long. Never in my life have I been so proud of him, he's so talented and accomplished. Yet I know what this means, and some one's going to get hurt.

Edward's world is about to get complicated, again.

**...~{sYa}~...**

He walks in through the back door and shrugs at me, "I put it on the dresser in the spare room."

I sip on my coffee as he brushes past me.

I already called and cancelled our appointments to see the few houses around town I had lined up for today. I have this feeling, we're not going to need them.

**...~{sYa}~...**

After an hour, he still hasn't emerged from the bedroom. I wanted to give him some time and space, he has so much to consider, but I'm concerned about him.

I gently knock on his door.

He doesn't answer.

I put my ear to the door and I don't hear anything. I slowly twist the knob and push it open.

My heart constricts when I see him. He's sitting on the floor with his back and his head resting on the bed. His knees are bent, and his hands buried in his hair. His eyes are closed, and worry masks his face.

"Hey," I squat down beside him on the floor.

He lifts his head and looks at me. "Can you believe this, Alice?" he says and his lips turn up with a sarcastic grin.

"Yeah, I know. Congratulations." I pat his knee.

He huffs through his nose, "Thanks."

"Have you told Bella about this?" I shake my head as I ask, I already know his answer.

"Alice, I've applied for this job every year for the past five years. I never thought I'd get it..." His voice trails off.

"You have to talk to her about this. This, it's big Edward. You have to initiate this conversation, you just have to." My heart breaks for him.

"I don't know what to do." He closes his eyes again.

"Are you thinking about not taking it?" I'm not surprised, I just think it's his first reaction.

"Either way I lose Alice. I lose. I can't have both. There is no way I'd ever want Bella to wait on me that long to return, she doesn't deserve that. But I don't think I can turn this down, it's the only job I've ever wanted."

"Just talk to her Edward, and be honest with her. Bella's a smart girl, and she loves you. She wants you to be happy, even if that means you're not together. She wants the best for you. She's tougher than you think."

"I will. Just... not yet." His voice cracks.

"I'm here if you need me, Edward. I trust you'll make the right decision." I smile and run my fingers through his hair. "Just listen to your heart. Ya' know, distance is just a test to see how far love can travel."

He just nods his head, not looking at me.


	39. Chapter 39, Different

**Rating/Warning(s)/Note(s):** TRUST ME! These next few chapters will b rocky, remember it's not always about the destination, sometimes it's about the journey. The job I mention is totes fake. Don't call me out on it.

**Word Prompt: **Different

* * *

He walks in my bedroom and the air shifts and turns cold.

Something's wrong. He's acting different. He looks different.

He paces, back and forth. Back and forth.

I watch him, waiting, worrying. My mouth opens, but no words escape.

He stops and stares out my window. The anticipation is lethal. "Bella, we need to talk."

I swallow hard, not knowing what to say, so instead I stammer, "Yeah."

I follow him outside and we sit side-by-side on the porch steps.

His hands are busy, his knee is bouncing, he chews the inside of his cheek, and I just want to hold him. Calm him.

He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "I don't know how to say this."

Worry nags my nerves, unravels my security.

"Shit, just read this." He hand me a single sheet of paper. As I unfold it, I notice how worn it is. It's been opened and read a bunch.

I read it.

And then read it again.

It's about a job with the U.S. Government. Something elite and selective. I'm not quite sure I understand other than he's being offered the position. "What does this mean?"

I hand it back to him, and he looks at me. Hard. His eyes are so full of emotions that I feel them leak into my heart. Sorry. Anguish. Regret.

Goodbye.

"Five years. I've applied for this job for five years, I never..." He looks away but his hands never still.

"This is THE job that I've always wanted and thought I'd never get. The first time I went to D.C. I met this guy who had just gotten back from the SPT, the Selective Photography Team, he showed me these pictures he took in Desert Storm. He was right there."

Edward's face lightens and lifts as he talks. His passion creates an aura of joy around him. Glowing.

"There were shots of explosions and tanks and prisoners. Then I saw these pictures of kids and mothers and they were dancing in the street. He talked about how it changed his life. It gave him a new purpose and right then I knew I wanted that too."

I nod when he glances at me, but inside my heart is slowly crumbling. He keeps talking, but I don't hear him. In my head a plan is forming, scenarios are being played out, futures are changing, and walls are building.

"How long?" I interrupt him and his eyes narrow at me. "How long Edward?" My voice cracks.

He doesn't immediately answer. The silence around us is as cold as ice, I shiver.

Then he whispers, "Two years."

I close my eyes and shake my head, "What?" I must have misunderstood.

"The contract is for twenty-four months, at least. And I won't be able to call, or text, and emails are rare. I have to stay undercover. Some of what I do is forbidden in other countries. I could go to jail, or... worse. I won't know where I'm going until I get there. I don't know how long I'll be in one place until they tell me to move. But I can't just leave you-"

"Stop!" I choke out. My tears burn the back of my throat as I hold them in.

"No, I won't be able to live with myself knowing you're sitting here waiting on me. I can't do that to you, I can't do that to myself." He turns and cups my cheeks in his hands. "I haven't took it yet."

I nod, still unable to say more. I close my eyes, it hurts to look.

"I want to know what you're thinking. I can't read your mind." As he pleads, his forehead falls against mine.

"Okay... just give me... not tonight..." I beg, not knowing exactly what I want.

"Sure," he whispers and then I fold into him.


	40. Chapter 40, Clear

**Word Prompt:**Clear

* * *

I'm sitting on my bed, my cheek resting on my knee. My arms wrapped around my shins, holding myself together.

I hear the shower. The water running, splashing against Edward.

Breathe Bella.

He talked more about this job, and I listened the best I could.

In the passing of the past few hours, I feel like I've aged years. Maturity knocked on my door with a vengeance. Adulthood took me by the hand and guided me into reason. Life and living collided before trying to part and go their separate ways, indifferent to the destruction they left in their wake.

All the things he had said swirled in my mind. I was surprised at how calm I was. I think that maybe I felt so much, it had finally made me numb. My soul was in survival mode.

He emerges from the bathroom in just his jeans. His steps are quiet and soft. He pauses in front of the window. He lifts his arm to the top of the sill and stands there, immobile, searching the night. I wonder if he's looking for answers, as if the endless dark could tell him what to do.

I can.

I approach him with ease. His bare skin calls to me. I rest my face against the plain of his back. My arms wind around him – feeling, trusting, holding.

His body is shaky and vulnerable, the fate of us dangling precariously in the future.

I soothe him. With my touch, he has to know – I am okay, he is all right. We will get through this. Together, apart, it doesn't matter. Circumstances are what happens in life to make you stronger. Good things happen to raise your standards for better things later. See, I know love. Edward has set the bar so very high. He makes me soar, and laugh, and want. I have contentment. I have passion. I have love and understanding. I have it all.

And it has me.

Yet, the bond isn't made to last. We are on borrowed time. The hour glass has nothing more than a few grains left, and then it will be empty.

Gone.

He turns to hug me, but instead I pull away. I walk backward as I tug on his hand to follow me to the bed.

One last time.

Tomorrow he has to give his answer. Two days later he'll have to leave.

And I will have to stay.

When I finally came to the clear understanding of Edward being able to pursue his dream, it saddened me. Not just because I was losing him, but because I realized – I didn't have a dream.

Not a big one anyway. I have small accomplishments I want to achieve. Little things that are no more than what the next person would want. But where's my wish? My aspiration? What do I really, really want to do with my life?

To say I just want Edward, well it's the truth, but it's... selfish? Easy? In a sense, I already have him. So what now?

There has to be more.

We crawl into the bed together, so close, but not close enough. I want to press myself closer to him, pull him closer to me. I want the edges of us to blur and dissolve until you could no longer tell the difference from one to the other. I need to feel his breath, taste his skin, live this dream one more time.

There's still so much to be said, words we might not ever say. Words that linger in the corner, hide in the shadows. They stand and wait. Words that live and bleed and multiply. Words you can smell and taste and feel, but you ignore so easily.

I have those words, Edward probably does too.

But the dream and the now are more important. Dire.

We face each other. Sharing air. Eyes penetrating. Noses touching. Hands reaching. Legs intertwining. Lips open. Hearts bleeding. Souls empty.

The sheer power of us and the emotion we share burns through my veins, my nerves, the core of my life. The fear is there, knowledge is close behind, and the love never falters.

His hands find my face and hold me. His eyes search mine, looking for something, anything. God I hope he finds it, because what I'm about to say – to do, will change us both.

"Edward..." I make a special note to remember the way it feels on my lips to say his name. Perfection.

His face falls, his eyes close. "Don't say it." His voice so raw and deep, it oozes and bleeds. Saltwater brims from his shut lids, threatening to flood.

I inch my head closer and kiss the tears away. I put my hands on his that are still cupping my face. I rub over the rough skin of his knuckles.

I feel shaky around my edges. "You have to take it. You have to go." I hear my voice, but it isn't my voice. It's smooth, dark, and an octave too low.

His head disagrees, rubbing hard against my forehead. "Please..."

I wish I could lay it all out for him. Just say it. Somehow make this easier on us both.

There is just no way to do that.

I inhale deeply, breathing him in, trying to ground myself. But there is no ground to anchor in, just quicksand pulling me under.

I know that sometimes you love someone so much, you will do anything for them. Anything. Even if it means letting them go.

And so I will.

I look deep into his eyes, hoping to speak straight to his soul. "I don't want to be that person. The one that you resent in two months or two years because I asked you to pick me. I can't be burdened with that guilt. Please don't make me."

His eyes, intense and sad, are dilated nearly black as they return my stare.

"I want to be the girl that in the future when you think of me, your face lights up and your eyes twinkle. You can't help but smile so big, you show everyone your beautiful teeth and when you glance over at your new girl sitting at your side, I want you to love her more because of the way you love now, and the way you remember me. Just good things Edward, always."

The air around us feels heavy and thick, the room seems to sag under the weight.

"I can't promise to wait on you, I just can't. But I can promise to never, ever forget you. You'll always be my first love. Always." I watch him and wonder if I'll ever to be able to catch my breath again. It doesn't matter if he's right in front of me, or a million miles away, he steals it from my chest.

"I love you Bella. I do." His says it so soft, it sounds sacred.

"And I love you too, Edward. But we both know that sometimes love's just not enough."

His voice is muffled as he buries his face in my hair. "I love you so much."

I close my eyes and blindly reach out for him. My fingertips find his chest, I map and study it like braille. "Then show me. One last time, show me how much you love me."


	41. Chapter 41, Original

**Rating/Warning(s)/Note(s): **I always say that this is unbeta'd, but I want to say a sweet THANK YOU to Rose Masen Cullen, she corrects me in her reviews & I love her all the more for it.

**Word Prompt**: Original

* * *

The dawn has no regard for my wishes for the night to never end. I've not had one wink of sleep. That would have been time wasted.

I stayed awake and replayed the night. The feelings of his touch on my skin, his fingers on my mouth, his lips kissing me everywhere. His tears mixing with mine. Him chanting his love for me, singing it soft and gentle like a lullaby.

I run my fingers through his hair as he sleeps on my chest. His body curled into mine and I know right there, in that warmth of him, I could lose myself if I'm not careful. The scruff on his cheek scratches so good. The weight of him somehow keeping my heart from falling out of the hole in my chest.

It hurts so much.

He stirs, his eyelashes tickle as his eyes open. He starts to rise and I quickly latch on to his shoulders, pulling him to stay on me.

"Don't get up. Not yet," I beg.

He moves slightly and wraps his arms around me the best he can. He bends his thigh to rest his leg on mine.

"Thank you," I whisper.

I continue to pep myself up. I can do this.

I. Can. Do. This.

I can stay strong for him. I can reassure him that he's doing the right thing. And then I can let him go. I have the rest of forever to fall apart.

**...~{sYa}~...**

The next forty-eight hours slips through my fingers as though my hands are coated slick with oil.

I don't eat. I don't sleep. I don't cry.

I barely breathe.

He stays so busy getting everything in order, I stay right by his side. His hand keeps mine warm. His smile is so sad, almost as much as his eyes.

It's proof that this is happening.

We don't talk about it. Not about him leaving, or what will happen after. Not if he will come back, or if I will wait. Nothing. It's not the smartest thing to do, but it keeps us from breaking down. It helps us go on.

As every minutes passes, the dreadful anticipation grows in my soul. I feel so empty and lost.

Everything is crumbling, and I have nothing left to hold on to.

**...~{sYa}~...**

He sits down beside me on the couch and sighs. He just called a cab to take him to the airport. Alice and Jasper are out of town.

It's just me and him and time. And we are all slipping away.

"Can I write you...or call...email? Anything? If I can?" He sounds so unsure of himself.

I go digging within myself for that strength. "I'd like nothing more, you know... if you can." I feel as though I'm floating, watching us from somewhere that isn't real. Fake.

"Bella, I wanna see you again." I feel him so close, yet so far away. The truth that he, like me, doesn't really want this–this us, to end, is some sort of comfort. But it is a comfort that is deceiving. One that's not for certain and one I'm not sure I want to bank on.

"I know. Maybe someday you will." I just shrug and lay my head against his shoulder.

Keep it together. I tell myself that this disappointment of love is not original. People have been letting go for centuries. Since the beginning of time, hurt runs parallel to love, one not beating out the other.

I guess I always wished we were the exception.

I'm not going to lie, there's a part of me that's pulsing and growing inside with every breath. A part that wants to ask him, no...tell him to stay! I fight it. Hard. The words rise up my throat and gag me. They make my tongue swell. They're thick like molasses and bitter like acid. They choke me and I have to swallow them painfully like rancid bile.

I can do this.

A horn honks outside and time skips.

We move in slow motion. Quiet and muted.

His arms circle me and squeeze tight. My heart constricting so much, I fear death is close, yet not close enough. His face disappears in my tangled hair. His breath rolls over me. He breathes me in. He loves me.

Another short honk and I snap.

My arms hold him tighter. My face buries deep into his chest. I try and speak, but those words have rendered me silent. I smell and exhale and gasp and inhale and then do it all over again.

"I'll always love you Bella," he speaks lowly and calm in my ear.

The storm inside me stills. I lean back to look at him. One last time. I reach up to touch and wipe away the tears that stain his face.

I can do this.

"I love you too, Edward. Always. Please be careful." I can do this.

Seconds pass. Slowly, gently, each atom of me releases each cell of him. He turns and I follow.

One step. One foot in front of the other.

Breathing. Existing. Already missing.

I stop at the top of the stairs on the porch. His hand still has mine as he moves down the steps. Then he's out of my reach. My fingers go numb as I have to let him go.

He quickens his pace moving away from me.

Forever.

He doesn't look back.

I want to yell for him to stop.

I want to run into the street and lie down on the wet concrete in front of the cab. Maybe then he would stay.

I want to fall to my knees and beg for him to find me as soon as he gets back. If he comes back.

But I do none of that.

I just stand there and watch his slow stride reach the end of my driveway, and then cross the street. Hesitantly, he steps up on the curb and opens the yellow door.

The hardest thing I've ever done was watch him walk away. From me. From us.

_Stop and look at me. Please. Look._

He does. Even from across the street, it's haunting eyes I'll never forget.

They say it all... goodbye.

I blink and he's gone.

The cab pulling away, taking some of me with it. So much, I'm not sure how to move on.

Then I think about all the things I forgot to say.

I wanted to tell him that someday the sun will burn out and the moon will forget to shine. That the tide will recede and never meet the shore again. The desert will flood and war will be a thing of the past. And that day will be the day that I stop loving him.


	42. Chapter 42, Box

**Word Prompt: **Box

* * *

I stand numb and watch the red tail lights from that cab until they fade out of sight. I refuse to believe he's really gone. It's just an optical illusion.

So I wait. I guess it will be hours– in hours he'll be back and we'll laugh at how silly we both were thinking he was going to go through with leaving me for two years.

He loves me more than that.

The dark creeps in while I linger. My back aches and I almost rub off the skin from my fingertips in worry. My stomach bounces up with each car that zooms down my road, and when they don't even slow as they pass, it free falls back down to my toes.

Rose urges me to go inside the house. I just shake my head. I can't.

He's coming back and I'm waiting.

**...~{sYa}~...**

I stay awake again that night anticipating a knock at the front door. I know he won't get on that plane. My love will be enough to make him change his mind. It's just a matter of time.

The dark is deep and lonely, and yet still, I wait. Each beat of my heart, jagged. Each breath, labored. I fight the thoughts I don't want to think.

As the sun rises, I smile knowing today will be the day he comes home. Maybe he was stuck at the airport last night and couldn't get home to me.

He'll be back today.

Just wait and see. I love him.

**...~{sYa}~...**

Four days later, a storm hits. The rain pounds against the roof and lashes at the windows. The power flickers on and off. The thunder rattles the walls and the lightning splits the air in two. The winds howls and fusses, and my sanity is threaded by a web.

It doesn't take much, I lose hold.

Suddenly I feel the loss of him so ever present, my skin aches. He's not coming back. It wasn't love that walked away, it was him. He didn't choose me.

He didn't love me enough. I know we are right for each other, just not right now. It's not fair.

It is a hurt like no other, the rejection. Sometimes just the intake of air is a struggle. Each part of me throbs, not just my heart. It's all broken. Lost. Alone. And even with all those tiny pieces, I love him still the same.

I wish only to not feel. It would be so much easier. But instead I feel everything and nothing. I don't know how to smile, or laugh, but I clearly have crying down to an art.

It's a slow cry. One where tears roll continuously and chap my cheeks. Tears that no matter what I do, they fill my lids and burn. The tears form in my chest, they swell and twirl. They rise painfully through my veins and spill with no dam strong enough to hold them back.

I miss him.

Even if he doesn't want me.

Even if I couldn't share him with his work.

He's meant to be mine.

But he isn't.

**...~{sYa}~...**

Within weeks, I find a way to fold up my sadness and tuck it away neat into a box. I imagine a box that stays hidden in the cracks of my heart, a place where the light rarely shines. One that only I have the key to open and close. One that is stuffed so full of Edward Cullen, it threatens to burst at the seams every night.

Life goes on. It doesn't stall for the brokenhearted.

Rosalie keeps me company more than she should. I feel guilty about that. She's not my keeper.

Alice came around a lot at first checking on me. I told her to stop. I never blamed her for him making his choice. She need not ever apologize for it.

Soon enough, she doesn't visit much anymore. She calls randomly, sometimes I answer her call, sometimes I don't. I fear that I am using her, only ever wanting to know if she has heard from him. If she has, she doesn't tell me.

I wonder if she would lie to me.

He never does call. Or text. Or email.

I guess he's busy. I hope he's happy.

But I still miss him.

**...~{sYa}~...**

Summer comes along and chases away the cool mornings and calm evenings of spring. My mother begs me to come home and visit.

But I can't.

I really don't want to leave Atlanta for any length of time, because what if...

What if he comes back for me and I'm not here?

It's stupid. And pathetic. And I absolutely hate waiting around and wallowing in my misery.

But I can't leave.

So instead I sign up for summer classes and volunteer to work on campus. Anything that will make time pass quickly and keep my mind busy.

Day after day, sometime or another, I find myself thinking about him. The summer days are perfect. It irritates me to no end that this world can be so beautiful outside when he's so far away. Majestic twinkling twilight evenings. Hot, sweltering days with gentle breezes that tickle the skin. Wispy, soft clouds that float effortlessly in a never ending blue sky. Flowers bloom and grow with colors so magnificent, they look painted.

Yet he's still far, far away.

I wish for more storms and rain. Dark days and even darker nights to match the hurt that has engulfed my soul.

But still the sun rises and then sets. The dew falls and morning awakens. The sun peeks high in the sky and the world spins and lives and laughs before it slows and rests again at nightfall. Only to begin again tomorrow.

And tomorrow.

And tomorrow.

Yet still he's gone away from me.

And without him, I don't feel the simplicities in this world anymore. The sky is just the sky, and I am just a girl. And without him, neither seems quite as exquisite and beautiful or loved.

* * *

_**A/N: Me and beegurl13 WON the NeverEverHEA contest. Our entry has been posted on mine and her FFn profile. Read it if you can tolerate a one shot that doesn't end happily ever after! Review, let me know you are still around. **_


	43. Chapter 43, Jammies

**Word Prompt: **Jammies

* * *

The Fourth of July comes rolling at me with a vengeance. It taunts me. Now, not only do fireworks remind me of my late father, they remind me of Edward too.

The two men I loved the most. Both which are now gone from my life.

I fake a headache and stay holed in my room. Rosalie has friends over, including her steady boyfriend, Emmett. I don't join them.

Soon after the dark falls, I hear the first boom of the night.

My rock bottom has discovered new depths. I want to run. Or scream. Or hide away until I forget.

It's too much to take.

I escape to my bathroom. I turn on the shower and strip. I huddle in the corner of the mist until the water runs cold and my teeth chatter.

Only then do I retreat to the shelter of my lonely bed. I bury my head under my pillow, giving no regard to how tangled my hair will be tomorrow for going to bed with it wet and un-brushed.

I find it really hard to care about anything.

**...~{sYa}~...**

Two weeks into August, there's a knock at my front door. I won't admit where my first thought lands. It takes me too high. The fall is steep.

It feels like there are a million miles between me and that door.

When I open it, I almost collapse.

Not because of who it is, but because of who it isn't.

"Mom? What are you doing here?" I hide my disappoint among my surprise.

"Honey, you look horrible. Is everything okay?" She quickly enters the room and her arms are around me holding me like a mother should.

She doesn't know about Edward.

Right now, I don't feel like telling her, so I lie. "Just tired, Mom. I've got this term paper due that's kicking my butt."

She pulls me into the living room. "I missed you. Is it all right that I'm here? You got a few days to spend with your ol' mother?"

I laugh and tell her that I'd always make time for her. She's all I got left.

**...~{sYa}~...**

Mom's in the shower. I'm siting on my bed staring at my email inbox that still hasn't heard from him. I feel that feeling again. It's like I have so much to say to him, that I have to get it out. Even if he'll never hear or read the words. All my emotions are festering inside of me. The words are like poison. So I open a blank email. I don't enter his name in the send field, nor do I type anything into the subject line.

I open my heart and let it dictate.

_Edward, _

_I have something to say to you. You have to know that I can't help it. I can't help caring. I can't help missing you. I'm forced. I can't help looking for you in a crowd. I can't stop the thoughts of you in the middle of night, day, or anytime at all. I can't help wishing that you loved me enough. I can't help hoping that you will hold true on your word of wanting to see me again. I can't help the way I love you..although I wish I could. Sometimes I just wonder why I love you the way I do; but I really don't have a reason. I just simply fell in love with you. Just so you know, if I knew missing you was going to be a part of my life, I still would have let you in. It was worth it. Sometimes, I want you to know how much this hurts. But then again, no, I don't. It would be too embarrassing to have you know that I cry at night, that I always wish you were here with me, that I pretend I'm holding your hand, and that I dream you are on your way back to me. _

_I miss you._

_Always,_

_Bella_

I save the email as a draft and close my laptop. I slip on my jammies and crawl into bed to wait on my mom.

**...~{sYa}~...**

My bedroom is illuminated by the open bathroom door and the light is still on.

I must have dozed off.

My mother sniffs and I snap my head to where she is standing in my bedroom. "Mom?"

I turn to look at what she's looking at. Her fingers rise to touch the picture. "Bella, where did you get this. It looks..." Her voice quivers and she retracts her hand to cover her mouth.

The hurt in me awakens. It's Edward's picture of the fireworks over the water. I never had the strength to take it down. I covet every reminder of him that I can.

I walk to stand beside her and admire the picture. It still moves everything inside of me.

She exhales a shaky breath, "It reminds me so much of your daddy."

All I can do is nod. Suddenly there's an earthquake inside my soul and it all collapses and crumbles. I fold into her and let loose the sobs that have been threatening for months.

"You miss him huh?" she asks as she holds me tight.

She's referring to my father, so I nod. But I miss another too.

After I right my breathing, I wipe off my face. She's still staring at the picture. She smiles at me. "Tell me baby, where did you get this?"

My eyes still leak, my emotions bubble up in my throat, but somehow I choke out, "Edward."

**...~{sYa}~...**

Hours later, she's under the covers with me. She strokes my hair like she used when I was a kid after a nightmare.

I tell her everything.

"Bella, missing someone is part of loving them, if you're never apart, you'll never know how strong your love is."

I shake my head. "But I don't know if he's coming back for me."

My feelings cut and bleed. The truth hurts.

"I know distance means so little when someone means so much. But part of loving is learning to let go and then accepting again when someone new comes around. It's a cycle, Bella. You begin, you continue, you end, and then you start it all over again."

I close my eyes and try to still my thoughts.

"So you have to decide, where in the circle are you. Are you stuck in the end? Or are you ready to begin again?"

I turn away from her and ponder what she just asked me. Sometime in the night, before I finally give into sleep, I whisper my answer into the night. "It's time for a new start."

* * *

_This quote not mine. "Missing someone is part of loving them, if you're never apart then you'll never know how strong your love is. ~ Helen Fielding" _


	44. Chapter 44, Strain

**Word Prompt**: Strain

* * *

My fall schedule is brutal. I like it. The strain busies my thoughts. It takes everything in me to get my assignments completed. At the end of the day, I'm so exhausted, sleep whisks me away with ease.

I don't have time to miss, or to feel, or to cry.

I just be.

**...~{sYa}~...**

_Edward, _

_You've been gone over six months and even though I don't hurt as much as I used to, I can't completely let you go. Let go of us. I only knew you for four months, but in my heart, it felt like forever. Sometimes I wish the wind could carry my words to you, whisper to you how much I miss you. Wish that you could feel my love through the warmth of sunshine, and know that even as we go our separate ways, I love you still. That's kind of all I can say about it, I love you, whether you want to hear it or not. It would absurd to pretend that I don't. _

_I've found a way to move on. I just let the tide carry me. The hours pass. The night falls. And I continue to live minute after minute. The other day I caught myself laughing for no reason, then I realized I was thinking of us and you know what? I liked it. The hurt was comforted by appreciation and admiration. Since that day, even through the times when I miss you the most, I can smile easy. I don't know when I'll be ready to open my heart for someone else. There are days I wish I could, but right now my soul is still too full of you, and of me, and of us. I'll hold onto that until it all spills out, and maybe then there will be an empty space looking for more. _

_But most of all I want to say thank you. Thank you for loving me like no one else ever had. Thank you for showing me that people are beautiful, dreams can come true, and that love is always worth it all. I won't hold you to coming back to me. But I will remember you gracefully, and with pleasure, and with so much love that maybe someday if we ever run into each other, the passion I carry will sweep us into a reunion of two people – friends that once knew love and maybe someday can know love again. _

_I miss you with all of me, _

_Bella Swan _

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

"Bella hand me the remote. I'm changing this!" Jacob lifts his hand to me.

I kick his foot off the coffee table and his books tumble off his lap. His loose papers fly everywhere.

"You are not changing the channel," I huff.

He grumbles under his breath. "Why do we always have to watch the news channel? MSNBC? CNN? Whatever this is! It's so boring and... depressing." He squats down in the floor to gather his stuff.

"Um, hello. You could always go study elsewhere. Like a library maybe?"

He doesn't say anything more about it and I don't volunteer why I keep it on this channel. But this channel is really excellent about reporting on injuries and casualties in the Middle East.

Especially civilian ones.

No news is good news, but if anything ever happens, I want to know.

"So are you going home for the holidays?" Jacob closes his book and looks at me with sad eyes. He's asked me a million times if I want to talk about what he calls 'my Edward break-up.'

I don't regard it as such.

"Nah. My Mom's traveling and anyway, I have plans here."

Jacob has turned out to be a good friend to me. Just to shut him up, I went out on one date with him right after fall semester started. He tried to kiss me and it grossed me out. It was like kissing your favorite cousin. I told him I just needed a friend, and he said he'd rather have me as a friend than nothing at all.

So we study together a few days a week. We hang out on weekends. One day as few weeks ago, I introduced him to Leah, who soon became his girlfriend and she hangs with us some too.

Everything seems to be going fine. My world is not as beautiful as it once was with Edward, but at least I'm allowing myself to hope.

**...~{sYa}~...**

I'm lying on my bed, my stomach so full of Thanksgiving dinner, I feel sick. Rose and Emmett are watching a movie.

I pick up my cell, intending on calling Alice. I haven't spoken to her in a week or so, she's at her parents – Edward's parents – house visiting now. I've been trying to reach out to her lately. I miss her in my life. I promised her I wouldn't pester her about Edward. She agreed that she didn't want to put in the middle. So we are moving forward as friends again.

I hear a shriek and almost fall off the bed as I get up. I race into the living room and see Emmett twirling Rosalie around in the middle of the living room.

He sits her down and she rushes over to me, tears wetting her face. "Oh Bella! We're getting married!"

"What?" I ask with an oomph as her arms circle around me.

"Yes! Oh my, oh my!" She wipes her face and then lifts her hand to show me her ring. Her fingers are shaking like crazy.

"Rose, I'm so happy for you." I mean it as I hug her back.

"Thank you Bella. Thank you!" She whispers in my ear, "Things are gonna get better for you. I just know it! You'll see, your price will ride in soon."

She lets go of me and runs back over to Emmett.

I smile as I watch them, but somewhere deep inside, I know that I've already been carried away by my prince and now I've been left alone to live in an empty castle.


	45. Chapter 45, Enough

_Some of you have asked which song inspired this fic. The answer is Colder Weather by Zac Brown Band. I've used some of the following lyrics here and there throughout the fic and other lines just for inspiration._

_...Wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay_  
_She's answered by the tail lights shining through the window pane.._

_He said I wanna see you again..._  
_Maybe tomorrow will be better, can I call you then?_  
_She said you're a ramblin man,_  
_You ain't ever gonna change_  
_You've got a gypsy soul to blame,_  
_And you were born for leavin'_

_...And in the waitress eyes he sees that same old light is shinin'_  
_And he thinks of Colorado and the girl he left behind him..._

_...Your a lover, I'm a runner_  
_And we go round and round_  
_And I love you but I leave you,_  
_I don't want you but I need you_  
_You know it's you that calls me back here baby_

_When I close my eyes I see you,_  
_No matter where I am_  
_I can smell your perfume through these whisperin' pines_  
_I'm with your ghost again..._

* * *

**Word Prompt: **Enough

Three months might as well be a century. Time is cruel and unrelenting.

Every second, I miss her more than I did before. One mile apart no different than a thousand when love is involved.

When I first left her, it stung deep. It was like my heart disconnected from my veins and my lungs refused to expand. My whole body was pained.

The only thing that keep me moving, that allowed me to live, was that it would get easier with time.

Alice reassured me I was making the right decision. She said if I was going to take this job I had to let Bella go completely. It would be unfair for me to ask her to wait, that promising her I would come back for her would be a form of torture Bella didn't deserve.

I could see that.

But I also knew that if she would have asked me to stay, I would have.

And yeah, somewhere down the road I might have regretted it, but I would have took that chance.

I still wait for her letter, her call, just her demanding that I come back to her.

Even though I know it won't come.

I made Alice promise to not give her my contact information, that incoming was for immediate emergencies only.

I rarely speak to Alice or even to my parents.

I have disconnected myself from the world. I might as well live on another planet. I ghost through my days and nights as a blinded man. I live only to be in the now, doing my job with such conviction as to believe that I'm not good enough for anything else.

**...~{sYa}~...**

I step inside the sterile room to see her. She's my only friend on this foreign soil. Her appearance drew me to her, reminding me so much of my Bella, but her spirit is what keeps me coming back.

"How are you feeling today Nadia?"

She turns her head to me and smiles a sleepy smile. Her eyes twinkle more today than they usually do.

"I going home soon, Ed. I so happy." Her Romanian accent and choppy English is easy for me to understand.

I met her a few days after I arrived. My supervising officer was giving me a tour of the base. Nadia was being kept sedated for wounds she'd received from a being an innocent civilian caught in crossfire.

She too is a photographer, here doing a job, and now going home missing an arm and too many scars to count.

She told me she's almost forty. Unmarried. A drifter like me. Alone, but that she left behind a man she loves with all her heart.

I can sympathize.

She's talked me through many a night when I thought I might lose my mind.

She gives me an unending hope that if and when I go back I can reconnect with Bella. She knows I want to go home now. She knows I've had enough and that feel like I made a mistake in coming here, but from that mistake I've learned so much.

Nadia broke the rules and let me use her cell to phone my lawyer to find a loophole in my contract.

I won't make it two years.

So everyday I wait for that return call. The one from the states that gives me an out. The one that will take me back to her. Take me back to what matters. Take me back to the only thing I really want.

I see her in everything I do, everywhere I go. I hear her whisper in my restless sleep. She haunts me, even in broad daylight. I catch glimpses of her in my peripheral vision. Every so often, her scent accosts me from my numbness. It comes from nowhere, somehow branded in my skin.

I miss her so much.

I never should have left.

**...~{sYa}~...**

"Masen, call your sister! She left a message for you in the main office. She buttered up the Sarg and promised him cookies if he'd have you call her." Lieutenant Kelley laughs as he walks away.

I wonder what she wants. I panic wondering if it has to do with Bella. Or what if it is my parents? Or Jasper?

I take off in a sprint hoping to find a ride across base to the main office.

My nerves are rattled. I found a way to get out of here, but I'd have to fib to pull it off. It feels wrong.

But I'm desperate.

The only way I can be dismissed is for a family emergency, like life or death type of thing. And even though Dad has been having some heart trouble, it doesn't fall into the category yet of emergency.

I feel so guilty wishing it was.

**...~{sYa}~...**

The first call I place doesn't go though. The connection they give us is horrible. I don't give two shits if it's secured or not, it does no good if you can't hear through the static what the other party is saying.

"Alice?" The second call connects and as soon as I have her on the line, she rips into me. She chews me up one side and down the other because I let Thanksgiving pass by without getting in touch with Mom or Dad. She confess how worried they are that I might become a statistic, or get captured and terrorized by the enemy.

She screams that Mom has nightmares about me being locked in a cold, small cell and my toenails getting ripped off by pliers.

I cringe and try and calm her. Our connection begins to fade in and out.

"Stay on the line Alice, it'll come back," I yell.

I refrain from banging the old, bulky phone against the desk.

"Dad is going for more test Wednesday, Edward. Please call and check on …."

"Alice, can you hear me? I will. I will call them."

The static fades out and the line is clear again.

"Are you all right Edward?" I hear the worry in her voice.

"I'm okay Alice. How are... things?" I can't even bring myself to say her name.

"Good. Real good. I can't wait for the wedding..." The connection suddenly has so much static I wonder if the line will explode.

I shake my head as the words sink in, 'the wedding.'

My heart slows it's rhythm and fear floods over me. Whose getting married? It can't be...

"Alice? Alice? What wedding?"

I hear her talking but there is too much static to make out what she is saying. I hear the words Emmett and Bella. I'm shaking so severe I can barely hold the phone to my ear.

She's still talking, but I can't understand her. "Alice stop! Did you say Bella, that she's going to...? When is..? I can't make out what you're saying Alice! Please!"

I'm screaming at the phone, but I really don't care. Without realizing it, I'm standing and hovering over the desk. All I think is to run. Run to her.

The static hushes, the line becomes crystal clear, and I hear Alice say, "New Year's Eve and of course she will be there dumbass, she's the -".

The phone goes dead.

I know fear and panic and desperation like I've never known before.

I blink and I'm standing in front of my supervisor spouting out the lies of all lies that will take me back and confess my love to her.

I have a wedding to crash.

* * *

A/N: (Pretend that he really can't get a signal, even in this day & age, otay?)


	46. Chapter 46, Always Been You

**Dialogue Flex**: "It's always been you," he whispered.

* * *

It took too long to get a flight back to the states. It took too long to check my bags. The plane took too long stalling on the runway. It took too long sitting in the airport waiting on my connecting flight.

I tried to be patient as all the cards stacked against my haste return. If I expected hours it took days, if I thought days were acceptable, it took weeks.

My patience had took a beating, and I was an irritable man.

It's December twenty-ninth. Once I get back to Atlanta, I may only have less than a day to find her and straighten all this out.

My parents know I'm coming back. I needed their help after I stretched the truth about Dad's heart conditon. They sent over his recent medical records to my superior. Somehow fate was on my side and my father's health was at risk enough to grant me an out, being that I was his only son – adopted or not. I was relieved of my contract.

I asked Mom to not tell Alice about my return. I said it was because I wanted to surprise her, but really it was because I didn't want Alice to tell Bella.

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this. I don't have a plan at all. I just pray that once I get there, I will know what to do.

_**...~{sYa}~...  
**_  
This is the sixth time I've drove past her apartment to see if she's home.

I slow down my rental and park far enough away to be discrete, but close enough to watch for her.

My nerves have me sick to my stomach. I even dry heaved in a paper bag on the plane.

I know it's fear. She could reject me. I may have to watch her walk down the aisle and marry another man and I just don't know if I can. That thought actually makes my skin ache and I find it difficult to breathe.

I watch as a big truck pulls up, drives over the curb, and backs up to the front door of her apartment. A guy gets out from behind the wheel and lets down his tailgate. Another guy waits behind him as he unlocks the door to Bella's apartment and lets himself in.

I can't move.

They carry box after box out of the apartment and load them into back of the truck. I manage to lift my arm enough to push the button to roll down my window and see if I can hear what they are saying.

I make out the words, "clumsy shit and Ben." I practically stick my head out my window and listen harder. The other guy calls the big guy Emmett.

My heart stammers. I equally want to march up to him and punch his face, or fall to my knees and beg him not to marry my Bella. I want to grovel and cry and plead for him to take me to her.

I sit there for the longest and debate with myself. What should I do? I could just say I'm an old friend of hers and ask him where I could find her. But what will I say my name is? Surely, if they're getting married, she's told him about me and he probably don't like me very much.

He could so kick my ass.

_I could use the name, Masen._

But what if she told him about that?

_I could make up a name._

But what if he's seen a picture of me?

Two doors slam and startle me from my internal ramblings. The truck starts up and I scramble to get out of my car.

"Wait!" I run after them.

They're gone out of my sight before I even get halfway to the house.

I slowly make my way to her door. Memories crash into me like waves from a hurricane.

Everything was so good with her. I was such a fool to throw it away.

I stand motionless at front of the door, waiting for it to open and her to jump in my arms. Waiting to hear her laugh and whisper my name. Waiting to feel that love that moves mountains and parts seas.

Instead I get nothing.

Eventually, I knock on the door.

No answer.

I yell her name.

Silence.

My head falls forward to rest on the glass pane of the door and I wrap my fist around the doorknob.

I close my eyes and swallow the sadness.

I twist the knob and of course, it does not turn.

"SHIT!" I kick the door and fight with the knob trying to force it open.

Useless.

I step away from the door and put my hands on my hips. I just stare at it.

I don't know how long I stand there. My mind turning so fast, I can't think right.

I rub my face, the prickly skin of my scruff scratching my palm.

I exhale a breath of defeat and retreat back to my car.

I will sit and wait on her to return. She has to come back soon. She has to.

_**...~{sYa}~...**_

I stretch out my leg and my knee hits the steering wheel.

Hard.

I bolt forward and realize that sometime in the night while I was waiting on Bella, I must have dozed off.

There's a light rain pelting the roof of my car and splattering against the windshield. It is so wet I can't see though it.

I open the door and step out. I groan with pain as my body protests from being crammed up so long.

I take off in a sprint toward her door.

Again, I knock really loudly.

I yell for her and try the doorknob with force.

Nothing.

I race back to my car and start it up.

I shiver as I shake the rain from my hair. The air is chilly so I crank up the heat.

I turn the windshield wipers on high and dip my head low to watch her door.

Just in case.

I grab my carry on from the back seat and dig for my cell phone.

I just had it turned back on yesterday right after I landed. It better be working.

It slowly powers on and I scroll for Alice's number.

She answers and without giving her time to chat, I ask where the wedding is. She hesitates and tries to pry out of me why I want to know.

Instead I raise my voice and demand for her to just tell me where and when.

Right after she gives me the details I end the call while she's still talking and throw it over to the passenger seat.

It immediately rings and I ignore it.

I glance down at the digital clock on the radio, I only have forty-five minutes before the wedding begins. I slept until almost two o'clock in the afternoon.

Wonderful.

_**...~{sYa}~...  
**_  
I park where I'm not supposed to and get out to run into the church. I don't even remember if I cut off the ignition.

As soon as I enter the small church, I ask where to find the bride. A few people look at me like I have four heads, but one guy nods toward a door to the left.

I run down a long hall and yell out her name.

Some old lady gives me the stink eye and points to a room to my right.

I practically fall in the door trying to rush.

I see a bunch of women huddling around a mirror, none of which I think I know.

"Bella?" I yell again.

I see two perfect arms push through the crowd, and then I see her face.

Wow.

"Edward?" She looks at me in confusion. Her eyes immediately sparkle with tears.

I can't answer her. My own tears have locked up my throat.

She's wearing this dress that hits rights above her knees. It poufs out a little, and it's the lightest color blue, that it's almost white.

Her skin is so pale, it's glowing.

She's wearing more make-up than I'm used to seeing on her, but it doesn't matter. She's still heavenly.

Her hair is in ringlets with a crown made of tiny white flowers on top of her head.

"What are you doing here?" she says in a voice so low I barely can hear her.

"Come on, Bella. It's time," a very tall woman tells her.

Bella looks to woman and then back to me. I still haven't said anything. All my words are lost in her beauty.

Her mouth falls open and her lips pucker as she blows out a breath. She fans her face with her fingers. "Shit, my mascara's gonna run. Rose'll kill me."

The giant lady grabs her arm, "You have to go now, Bella."

The woman begins to pull her away. My panic seizes me and I try to scream everything, but nothing comes out. Bella stumbles in her heels, her eyes never leaving mine.

"What about your job?" she shakes her head as the lady opens the door to leave and lead Bella through.

"Why are you back so soon?" she doesn't relent with her questioning, even though all I can do is stare at her.

Just as Bella reaches the door, with a gust of air I yell, "Don't do it!"

Bella stops for just a second and smiles at me. My skin warms and my arms wait for her to fill them.

"I have to go. Wait for me? Okay? Just wait?" she asks.

Then she disappears behind the door as it closes and her voice fades as I hear her say, "I don't know why he's back..."

I sadly smile knowing the answer, "It's always been you," I admit to an empty room.

The words so easy to say, so easy to believe, and now no longer able to make a difference.

The room is silent except for the piano I faintly hear in the background. The bride's march plays and somehow, my heart breaks even more than it already was.


	47. Chapter 47, Crazy

**Word Prompt**: Crazy

* * *

I will myself to walk back out the door I came in. My legs feel heavy, like dead weights. My palms are sweaty. My hair is still damp from the earlier rain. My whole body numb.

It's so hard to do, yet so easy to say, but sometimes you just have to walk away. I've ran out of choices. I know what they mean now - if you honestly love someone, then you truly want them to be happy... even if it's not with you.

I slowly walk back down the hall. I enter the foyer and stand there staring at the double doors that lead to the sanctuary.

I fight the pull.

I tuck my hands deep into my pockets and take a step backward. I almost fall as someone runs full into my back.

"Man, I'm sorry," the guys says. I turn to look him in the face. He looks familiar. There's some blond girl on his back and when he stills, she slowly slides off adjusting her short dress as she goes.

His eyes narrow, "Edward?" he nods his head as he asks.

I agree as I rack my brain trying to figure out how I know him.

"Does Bella know you're here?" His eyes are wide and wild.

Then I realize this guy's the one she used to go to school with.

Jerk.

"I, um – I...I was just leaving." I say trying to step around him.

"Did you talk to her?" He steps over blocking my way.

I huff, "No... not really. I... She was, um... busy."

I just want to leave.

"Well come on. You can sit with us." He starts to push me toward the double doors.

"Nnnn.. no that's, uh, no thanks." I push back, but he's kinda... strong.

"You're crazy. Bella will kill us both if you leave without speaking to her. You can sit with me and Leah. Go on dude! We're already late."

He shoves me through the door into my own personal hell. I keep my head down hoping to not see anyone I know, especially not her.

I can't.

I slide into the back pew. Thank goodness it's empty. Jacob and his girl slide in beside me.

"Psst," from my right side I hear this noise, "Psssst."

I peek up and see Alice looking all crazy at me. She's trying to speak to me with her eyebrows and I don't quite know what she's saying.

I shrug my shoulders.

She nods toward the front of the chapel, her head jerking sideways a few times.

I slowly shake my head. I. Am. Not. Going. To. Torture. Myself.

No. Way!

Her eyes get bigger and rounder than I thought they could ever be, and she sharply jerks her head two more times toward the front.

I take a deep breath.

This is it. This will be the moment that I will never be able to forget.

I look at Alice once more. She's watching me. She wants to watch me die.

Nice.

I slowly train my eyes to the front. I can't see the bride thanks to the lady in front of me who thought it was appropriate to wear a big hat to an indoor wedding. In the winter. On New Year's Eve.

I can see the groom and it is definitely the big burly guy that I saw at Bella's apartment.

Emmett.

My heart begins to speed inside my chest again. It's painful. I don't know how I'll be able to handle this.

I look over at Alice, she's still looking at me. Is she... encouraging me?

I slowly let my head fall to the side to look around the hat. It feels like this the end of the best thing...

WHAT?

I quickly slide over in the empty pew.

Blond!

The bride is blond. I look around in confusion. So …who?

So?

So, where's Bella?

I scoot all the way over the right to the edge on the pew. I curl my elbow around the back and lean over to get a good look at the bride and groom.

No doubt the bride is blond with a head full of yellow hair piled high on her head.

Wait! That's... that's Rose!

Rose is marrying Emmett!

"Yes!" I laugh a little too loud. I get shushed by about fifty people turning their heads to scowl at me.

But I can't find it in me to care. IT'S NOT BELLA!

It feels as though the sky opened up and poured out honey. That's how sweet it is!

I slowly look to Rose's left and see her standing there.

My Bella.

She's watching me.

A small smile on her pink lips.

It takes all I have to not run up there and grab her.

The sun is shining in through the stained glass window in the center of the chapel and reflecting right where she's standing.

She's illuminated in just a way, I feel the warmth from her glow in my toes.

Jacob elbows me in the side and I elbow him back, refusing to look away from her.

I shake my head and whisper, "Bella's not getting married."

Jacob blows out a large puff of air. "Nah. That's just the... that's the stupid thing I've heard in a long time."

I go back to ignoring him.

Her dress is not much different than Rose's, other than Rose's dress is white and a tad bit longer. Bella's is baby blue, and the other two girls standing beside her are a pale pink. Bella's holding two bouquets of flowers, one smaller than the other.

She bites on her lip every so often. She shuffles on her feet in sync with the slow breaths she's exhaling, probably trying to keep from crying.

"Bella's the maid of honor," I say aloud only to hear myself say it.

I sit quietly though the rest of the ceremony.

I can't take my eyes off her.

She seems to be keeping a close eye on me also.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

One thing's for sure, you know it's love when you aren't dreaming, but it feels as though you are. Your body floats, your soul soars, your mind even flies, and everything you really want... is yours.

* * *

**JSYK, I still love getting reviews.**


	48. Chapter 48, Float

_**Since I used Witfit prompts to write this, I'm giving all you wonderful people an opportunity to suggest outtakes and such. Send me a word prompt, a dialogue prompt, a picture, a song, a scenario, etc. Anything to prompt a chapter, an outtake, alternate ending, alternate POV, whatever you'd like to read. Just drop it in a review and let me know. I will credit the prompt to you when I post it. I may not be inspired by each or be able to write them all, but I'll see what I can do.**_

_**As you read this, think of it like the last scene in a movie. That's what I did at least. **_

_**Let's read on with Pictureward one more time...  
**_

* * *

(still unbeta-d)

**Word**** Prompt****:** Float

* * *

I wait for her in the front lobby. The sanctuary empties and I begin to get nervous. Alice stops to ask me if I need a ride to the reception hall.

I turn her down. "I'm waiting on Bella," I state as though I never left her and she's still mine.

Alice wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes. She leans back and narrows her eyes, "You have some explaining to do mister!"

I nod to agree with her.

"I missed you though," she adds and sticks her bottom lip out in a pout.

"Ditto." I smile as Jasper approaches, "Good to see ya' again man."

"You too." We shake hands and one arm hug. Guy stuff.

"We should go, babe. The traffic's gonna be a bitch," Jasper says as he rubs Alice's back.

Alice huffs, "I know, but are you sure you don't want me to wait with you, Edward?"

"What? Pff... no. Go. I can – I'm fine. Go. I'll see you in a little while. Save me a seat." I gently push her away.

"You might not need it," she turns to say to me with a wink as she scurries away.

**...~{****sYa****}~...**

I wait for what has to have been an hour and don't see one single person from the wedding party come out.

Curiosity gets the better of me and I push though the door headed down the hall toward the room I saw Bella in earlier.

"Can I help you?" The tall bossy woman from before asks me.

"I'm looking for the wedding party? I mean the – um, the maid of honor?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Oh, I'm sorry. They've already left. They all had to ride over to the reception hall together for pictures."

"Shit!" I curse under my breath.

She apologizes again and gives me directions to the place where the reception is being held.

I can't help but smile.

I know that place well.

**...~{****sYa****}~...**

I'm quickly reminded why I don't drive anywhere near downtown Atlanta. The traffic's at a standstill. All the festivities around the big 'Peach Drop', and the parties, and all the 'effin people, no one is going anywhere anytime soon.

I inch into the first pay-to-park place I can find.

The guy shows me a sign that reads it costs fifty bucks to park here for the night. I bite my lip in frustration and swallow the cruel words that want to spill.

I hand the guy a Benjamin and thank him as I whip into a parking spot. The crook better appreciate his tip because I didn't have any smaller bills.

Truth be told, Bella's worth a million of those.

I jog down the crowded sidewalk until I see a MAARTA bus coming to a stop just as I'm passing by. I jump on and ask if it's going in the direction that I need it to.

The driver assures me that it is.

I stand in the aisle and let myself relax for what little time I have.

I still don't have a plan or a clue what to say to her.

**...~{****sYa****}~...**

I'm late. Rosalie and Emmett are cutting the cake. I see Bella standing near Rose. I prop myself against the back wall and watch as Bella giggles and laughs.

Her smile brightens the room.

After they're finished smashing cake in each others face, some guy clinks his fork against his wine glass. Everyone hushes as he gives a toast.

I can't hear what he's saying.

I see her scanning the crowd, I can't help but hope she's looking for me.

Soon enough her eyes land on me and her whole face lifts. I'm sure mine does the same.

She motions with her head for me to follow her and I do... because I will.

Forever.

She walks down the hall many a step in front of me.

I already know where she's headed.

I feel the urge to rush, but I don't. I need the time to collect my thoughts.

I reach the door and take a deep breath. It's now or never. I open the door and walk through.

She's standing with her back to me. Leaning forward, her elbows propped on the railing.

My words are jumbled. I need to say everything, but nothing comes out. I don't know where to start.

The desire to pull her close to me is almost painful.

I jam my hands in my pockets.

She finally speaks, "I can't believe you're here." Her voice chasing away the silence and the unease.

I slowly step closer. "Well, I am."

I notice she seems upset, her body slightly swaying back and forth. Her foot bouncing.

"Why?" her voice quivers.

I swallow hard, my nerves choking me. This doesn't feel right. "What do you mean?" My words rush out.

"Why now? Why today? I mean, it's like as soon as it seems as though I can finally move on from you. I can finally... finally live, then I see you again... and I know that feeling never really left! It feels like the first day we met and the last day I saw you all rolled into one."

She spins around to face me. Her arms wrap around her herself. Her face is sad and wet. "I don't know if I should smile because I'm so excited to see you again, or fall to my knees and weep because I know how it's going to feel when you leave."

I step even closer, toe to toe. I feel the hem of her dress brush the knee of my pants. With a unsteady hand, I lift my arm to palm her face.

Her eyes instinctively close. I feel the weight of her cheek as her face leans into my hand. My fingers inch back toward her hairline, over her ear. Gliding. So gently. So lovingly.

She shivers.

"Look at me, Bella." I bend my head down to meet her eyes as they slowly flutter open.

So cautious.

"You once said that sometimes love just isn't enough and I came back to tell you... I agree with you."

Her eyes open wider.

"It may not be enough, but it sure and the hell is everything. Do you hear me? It's everything," I punctuate with my voice. "Nothing matters without it. Without you." I swallow hard again, not knowing if I'm making any sense.

"My job doesn't matter. My social acceptance doesn't matter. My livelihood doesn't matter. My awards. My health. My passion. My future. Nothing. Do you understand me?"

She has to understand.

She moves closer, her feet stepping in between mine. She grabs a fistful of the sides of my shirt, tugging me.

"What are you saying Edward?" Her eyes looking deep into mine, searching the surface of my soul.

I lean even closer to her face, my voice low and calm. Yet so sure. So positive. "I'm saying I came back for you. There are things about my life that I'm going to miss... but I missed you more. You are the only thing that matters to me, Bella. I made a mistake. I should've picked you. It took me leaving to realize that. So.. I quit. I choose you. Now. And forever. I choose you."

My declaration swirls around us in the mild breeze before melting into her skin, settling into her heart, branding her as mine again.

She falls into my arms. Her face against my neck. Her arms wrap tight around my neck. Her feet not even on the floor.

"So, you're not leaving again?" She sniffs and her voice is muffled against my skin.

But I don't let go. Not even a little.

"I don't plan on going anywhere without you ever again."

She laughs and lifts her head to rest her chin on my shoulder. "Edward, I don't want to be your whole life, I just want to be your favorite part."

I don't even realize that I'm still holding her off the ground. "You are, Bella. You are."

**...~{****sYa****}~...**

We return to join the party.

We dance. We kiss. We laugh. We drink. We touch. It's never enough.

Everyone asks how and why and when and wants to know all the details. I tell them not tonight. I only have Bella on my mind. This is about us.

I feel her eyes on me a lot. Almost as much as I watch her. Sometimes it's hard to believe that I'm here, that she's here, and we're together again. Her hand stays in mine. More often than not, I reach out my other hand to touch her just to make sure I'm not dreaming.

She leans over to explain to me why the wedding reception is being held at our place. The music is loud, the sound vibrating the walls. She speaks loud and soft at the same time. Her lips graze the shell of my ear. Her breath hot and damp against my skin. Just her voice raises the hairs on my neck in delightful anticipation.

"Well, one year ago tonight, Rosalie forced her roommate to come to this exact place for a party. There she met the love of her life."

"Who did?" I ask. My eyes drinking her in.

"Both. Rose met Emmett and...I met you." Her smile slips off her lips in seriousness.

I glance down to my watch.

"Come on." I lead her outside to our spot on the balcony. I stand behind her as close as I can. Back to chest. Her arms around mine that fit perfectly around her waist.

We stand and wait for the fireworks to begin. The countdown echoing in the background.

"What did you do while I was gone?" I squeeze a little tighter as I whisper into her ear.

"I waited for you to come back."

With her admission, my heart swells, and I float.

_**"From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. **_

_**And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, **_

_**their streams of light flow together, **_

_**and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being." **_

_**~Unknown **_


	49. Chapter 49, The End

**PROMPT:** "Let time cease to exist,

in this moment tonight,

The dream has been touched,

your hand is in mine,

Let the world stop turning for this moment,

So I can kiss you and say I've been touched by love..."

~Rose Masen Cullen

Thank you Rose. Those are some of her lyrics that she writes and sent me for a prompt. Nice, huh?

This is it. The End. Total fluff...

* * *

"I waited for you to come back." I tell him with so much certainty, I would bet my life on it.

I did wait. Maybe not in the sense of twiddling my thumbs, but he was never far from my thoughts. He was never removed from my heart. I always wondered, always wished, always dreamed.

And now that he's here, holding me, arms wrapped tight around me. His lips against my ear, breathing me in, I think maybe I should pinch myself, this day having been nothing more than a blur anyway.

We come together underneath the stars above, underneath the darkened sky, and the colorful burst of fireworks. Somehow we treaded full circle on this earth, with our lives and with our love. We made it back to each other - right here, right now.

I sense a certain something that, in my heart, felt so true that I knew I waited all my life to fall in love with him. He is the one. The one that when I was just a girl and thought of my future, it was with him. The one whom when I closed my eyes and wished on falling stars, he was made only for me.

It is with him that I feel complete. Right. Whole.

And I know there are still what-ifs and maybes, and nothing in this world is guaranteed. Who knows if this flame we share will burn out. If our passion will someday smolder away to nothing, but that's the excitement of it all.

No one knows.

Every day will be a journey. An undiscovered treasure. We will wander aimlessly and smile all the way just because we are together again. Finally.

If he asks me to go, I will. I will make a way. If he wants to stay, he can move in with me in my old apartment since now Rose is gone. Whatever he wants I will comply. That will make me happy.

I just want to be with him. For as long as I can.

Daddy once told me that "love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." I'd have to wholeheartedly agree.

For my ride was much, much more enjoyable when I was with Edward. I had never wanted it to end.

All evening long, I've heard snippets of how Edward got here. I'm anxious for it to be just us, for him to tell me the whole story, beginning to end. For that may be the most important story ever told to me.

When he looks at me with that look - the one where he stills, his eyes dance, and he barely grins, my heart leaps in my chest and my toes curl. I'd dreamed of that look, sometimes thinking it was a nightmare because I might not ever see it again. But now it makes my blood run quicker, sending excitement to every vein, every extremity, every cell.

He still loves me.

He still wants me.

And I him, both, more than I can express.

Nothing really matters to me anymore, nothing but us making it work.

He bends his head forward as the fireworks still burst above us. His lips brush my ear, his breath hot and sweet.

"I'm sorry..."

I shake my head to stop him.

He tightens his hold on me. "No, let me say this. I'm sorry I left you. I'm sorry I was too stupid to know that I shouldn't. I'm sorry I was... I was selfish and immature. I'm sorry that you cried over me."

I hear him swallow hard and his voice shakes as he speaks again. "I never in a million years wanted to hurt you or break your heart. You mean everything to me, Bella. Everything."

I turn around to face him, quickly dismissing the show in the sky. My hands lift to cup his face. He is so handsome. His eyes alive as they reflect the night, and the lights, and his love. "You don't have to apologize to me, Edward. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. So, even thought my heart was broke, I survived. And now you're back. And I want no more, as long as I have you. I'm good."

I laugh and try to dismiss the happy tears that burn my eyes.

He pulls back a little, and his bottom lip disappears under his teeth. He smiles this devilish smile, "While I was gone I heard a quote that reminded me so much of you," he cocks his head to the side.

"Oh really? And what would that be."

He smiles big, his teeth pearly white. He drops his head and shakes it from side to side. Then he lifts his head again and meets my eyes before leaning forward and speaking into my ear. "Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it and picking at it until you get it, then you wonder what you're gonna do with it."

He laughs deep and free and I slap his arm before I burst out into giggles.

"So what are you going to do with it?" I ask after we calm down.

"I'm never going to let it go. Ever."

Long after the clock hit midnight, we continue to kiss and love and touch and hold, it's never enough.

Now more than ever I believe that two people can be connected at the heart and soul. It doesn't matter what you do, or where you live; there are no boundaries or no barriers, no distance too far, if two people are destined to be together, nothing will stand in their way. Nothing.

* * *

_"Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." ~Franklin P. Jones _

**A/N: Thank everyone who read this fic. Thank you to all who reviewed & recc'd it. No, it won't win awards, but it was fun and easy and filling for me. I enjoyed pushing myself and sharing it with you. I received a few more prompts and I wil try to write them as outtakes or something. Really guys, thank you so much. Now go review & then read my other crap to give me incentive to update. ;) **

**To each of you that reviewed multiple chapters or EVERY chapter, I wish I could send you hot, fresh baked cookies or something. Just know that I noticed. Sorry I haven't review replied. My time is so limited, but I read them all (more than once).**

**Thanks again, **

**Mrs. R **

**(I still want reviews for this, even though it is complete!)**


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